Katy Perry’s Breasts Domesticated John Mayer

“Ha! Play pinochle with you again? This old rascal.”

In a new interview with Rolling Stone that I inexplicably read in its entirety, a more mellow, less douchey (for him anyway) John Mayer opens up about the past two years of his life not touring because of a granuloma in his throat which apparently involves dinner parties with Katy Perry who he basically admits he’s going to marry:

Do you want to get married?
I want to live a very traditional life with a very untraditional day job. You know what I mean?

What’s amazing, and I hate to admit this, is John Mayer’s a pretty perceptive guy yet even he doesn’t realize Katy Perry’s breasts hunt and break men’s spirits for sport. I mean, Russell Brand had an excuse because he was a heroin addict, but even he eventually wised up. “Alroight, love, now what I was thinkin’ is, you n’ me go to Olive Garden then come home n’ watch How I Met Your- JESUS CHRIST.” *dives out window*

Photos: Splash News