Katy Perry apparently had trouble satisfying Russell Brand’s wild sexual urges, but John Mayer certainly isn’t complaining! Instead, it’s Katy’s West Hollywood neighbors who are complaining, as the couple like to “have very loud sex, keep very late hours and like to turn up the tunes,” reports Star.
In all seriousness, and despite all that stuff I said up top, there’s no way Katy’s making all the noise because I can almost guarantee this is all John Mayer screaming, “OHMYGOD THEY’RE SO BIG! JUST HOLY… HOLY SHIT. HUUUGEEEE! THEY’RE HUGE! STICK MY PENIS IN YOUR VAGINA? WHY WOULD I WANT TO DO THAT WHEN THESE ARE SO HUUUUGE! HOLY SHIT! Hey, why are the cops here?”
(For the sake of this post, the part of John Mayer is played by me anytime I get to see a breast.)
Photo: Pacific Coast News