Katy Perry’s Brother Says She Hasn’t Found ‘The One’ Yet, Explains These John Mayer Pics

October 17th, 2012 // 22 Comments
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HIM: Aw, yeah, it’s my birthday. Totally getting laid tonight.
HER: Goddammit, is that a bowtie? Uterus self-clean, ACTIVATE.

Despite looking incredibly thrilled to be celebrating John Mayer‘s birth-douche-day last night, Katy Perry‘s brother says she still hasn’t found “the one” yet because it’ll have to be someone who’s changing the world just like she is? Come again? Life & Style reports:

“She deserves a true gentleman, and I don’t think she’s found that,” David, 24, exclusively tells the new issue of Life & Style, on newsstands now.
“Katy needs a man who’s changing the world like she is — although not necessarily in the business,” David, who is an ambassador for Wall Street Rocks, further explains to Life & Style. “Just someone that’s really got something impressive — she can’t be unmatched in that sense.”

“Hey, did you see that chick shoot whipped cream out of her tits? Totally stopped terrorism.” – Absolutely no one, ever, unless maybe we aimed those things at the Middle East. Sleep on it.

Photos: INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News


  1. I read “Katy needs a man who’s changing the world like she is” as She’s looking for someone who is ALSO degrading pop music as we know it. Which you would think would include John Mayer. But then, I also read “Just someone that’s really got something impressive” as She really wants a big cock inside her, because she hasn’t had one yet. So what do I know.

  2. El Jefe

    “Changing the world like she is”??? Is he required to say shit like that so he gets his monthly check from her?

  3. “Changing the world…”
    Is that anything like changing a baby’s shitty diaper?

  4. cc

    ‘who’s changing the world like she is’

    Well, you can’t say she hasn’t caused widespread suffering and disillusionment. Not the change one would hope for, but he wasn’t specific.

  5. Katy Perry Miserable John Mayer Dating
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    If that’s not the look of “Why Do I Keep Fucking This Loser”, I dont know what is.

  6. In the annals of history, Katy Perry won’t even rate as high a skidmark in Dan Quayle’s shorts. Let the test of time determine how much you’ve changed the world, you self-aggrandizing, no-talent douchebag.

  7. kimmykimkim

    Bowties make me so dry.

  8. Katy Perry Miserable John Mayer Dating
    Commented on this photo:

    Didn’t find the one, but she found nine to keep her busy while she looks.

  9. Katy Perry Miserable John Mayer Dating
    Commented on this photo:

    In a related story, being a delusional cunt runs in Katy Perry’s family.

  10. Gary Grant

    Mayer enjoys motorboating in between albums

  11. Burt

    Well, she did find “the one”, but he turned out to be a neurotic Englishman.

  12. Katy Perry Miserable John Mayer Dating
    Commented on this photo:

    Walking on vomit….mmmmm.

  13. Katy Perry Miserable John Mayer Dating
    Commented on this photo:

    Why does she look so angry?

  14. jessiD.

    Changing the world? Sorry, but it’s not a real change to turn the world from “filled with sleazy bullshit talk” to “filled with even more sleazy bullshit talk”.

    and on a personal note: Werner Kwiatkowski I am glad you are my man!!

  15. this woman seemed at least kind of smart to me at one time. then she gets with russell brand. and then after that, she hooks up with the king of pump&dump john mayer and proves everyone wrong.
    he is going to give her a disease if he hasn’t already.

  16. Jake

    What a douche bag couple. No one wants Mayer shitty left overs.

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