HIM: Aw, yeah, it’s my birthday. Totally getting laid tonight.
HER: Goddammit, is that a bowtie? Uterus self-clean, ACTIVATE.
Despite looking incredibly thrilled to be celebrating John Mayer‘s birth-douche-day last night, Katy Perry‘s brother says she still hasn’t found “the one” yet because it’ll have to be someone who’s changing the world just like she is? Come again? Life & Style reports:
“She deserves a true gentleman, and I don’t think she’s found that,” David, 24, exclusively tells the new issue of Life & Style, on newsstands now.
“Katy needs a man who’s changing the world like she is — although not necessarily in the business,” David, who is an ambassador for Wall Street Rocks, further explains to Life & Style. “Just someone that’s really got something impressive — she can’t be unmatched in that sense.”
“Hey, did you see that chick shoot whipped cream out of her tits? Totally stopped terrorism.” – Absolutely no one, ever, unless maybe we aimed those things at the Middle East. Sleep on it.