It’s been two weeks since Katy Perry and Russell Brand were married in India and it feels like they fell off the face of the earth because people almost immediately lost interest. Cut to Saturday night where Katy and Russell made their first public appearance at the MTV EMAs and you’ll notice something missing: Humongous breasts. Apparently Katy Perry is a saintly married woman now despite frequently bragging about doling out enough premarital coitus to con a sex addict into marrying her. And, as this game always ends, she’s rewarding him by wearing long johns all the time and refusing to make with the goods. Plus look at his face. That’s the face of a poor bastard who consistently gets asked for a baby the second he wakes up.
KATY: Russell… Russell, are you up?
RUSSELL: Huh? What is it, love? Is me heroin all gone?
KATY: I want a baby.
RUSSELL: Oh bloody ‘ell. Every morning!
KATY: It’ll make my boobs bigger.
RUSSELL: …. Right. Shall we then?
(That’s how they getcha.)