Katy Perry is featured in the latest issue of Rolling Stone (above) where she opens up about her religious upbringing that she’s apparently only slightly abandoned to pursue a more lucrative career shooting whipped cream out of her tits. I say slightly abandoned because she seems to see nothing wrong with her parents literally babbling at each other and pretending it’s divine communication. Via CNN:
The California girl, who has “Jesus” tattooed on her left wrist, tells the magazine, “Speaking in tongues is as normal to me as ‘Pass the salt..’ It’s a secret, direct prayer language to God.” Perry, 25, adds that her dad usually speaks in tongues while her mom plays interpreter. “That’s their gift,” she explains.
“I wasn’t able to say I was lucky because my mother would rather us say that we were blessed, and she also didn’t like that lucky sounded like Lucifer.”
In fact, the quirky brunette reveals, “I wasn’t allowed to eat Lucky Charms, but I think that was the sugar. I think my mom lied to me about that one.”
WARNING: If you’re looking for witty comments peppered with penis jokes and/or are easily offended when someone points out Jesus is a fictional character, now would be a good time to abandon the post.
For those of you who don’t know, I grew up in an evangelical household – my father’s a pastor – so allow me to explain how “speaking in tongues” works in case you’ve only ever lived in a world of logic and reason: It’s bullshit. Complete and utter bullshit. Basically, in the heat of spiritual frenzy, you start babbling incoherent gibberish because somewhere in the Bible it says that bystanders heard Jesus’ disciples praying in “foreign tongues.” Except what you see in churches across America is people pretending to be on a direct wavelength with God and given an opportunity to demonstrate that fact so everyone can see how super-Christian they are. Again, bullshit. Even more bullshitty is Katy Perry’s mom claiming she can interpret it. It’s babble. Literal babble. That’s like saying you can communicate fluently with infants in their own language. “Baby Jimmy thinks this episode of Sesame Street is as loquacious as it is pedantic. Also, poop.”
I literally feel for Katy Perry. When I was 25, I also had a sense of the real world but wasn’t quite able to accept my parents’ belief as the intellectually bankrupt, man-made constructs they are without compromising my love and respect for them. Except I at least had the luxury of attending a secular high school and college instead of Christian “schools,” so I understand the indoctrination runs way deeper here. Though apparently not deep enough to ward off premarital British cock. So maybe there’s hope here yet.
*climbs off soapbox*
Photos: Rolling Stone
dudeatdudedotdude | August 3, 2010 at 11:20 am
fist o’da marnin :) and nice rack!
Randal | August 3, 2010 at 12:21 pm
Can you folks do something about the commenter named “ugottabekidding” they are terrorizing this site and it’s gotten to be uncomfortabtle to come here.
abc, 123 | August 3, 2010 at 1:11 pm
apparently it’s some crazy puerto rican lady
dudeatdudedotdude | August 3, 2010 at 1:20 pm
meh of all the so called trolls ugottabekidding’s one of the friendlier. i see a LOT of this my dick’s bigger than yours shit goin on so i’d not single any one user. end of the day when you read the username feel free to skip over it withOUT reacting, and it doesnt turn into a never-ending game of fuck-fuck. at least they’re using one username that makes it easy to recognize ahead.
BOB | August 3, 2010 at 3:33 pm
Randal you piece of shit stop being a VAG. my wife complaints more than that and i don’t wanna come to this site to see fucking complaining!!
Derek | August 3, 2010 at 8:38 pm
Oh no! Someone is exercising Freedom of Religion and it’s not the emasculated, PC, “good values but not true” drivel that is the only tolerated form of expression. Better get on with the public shaming and ridiculing before more of the “fundies” start showing their faces and openly discussing their beliefs.
Certainly wouldn’t want the broader public to find out that there are Christians speaking in tongues without freaking out and flopping around like a “fish.”
ugottabekidding | August 4, 2010 at 8:15 am
So, lemme get this straight. You’ve got people like sean on here who frequently likes to talk about sex with little boys, and I’m the one you’re bitching about? If you’re so uncomfortable, then by all means, be gone! Clearly you’re too much of a pussy for this site. Thanks to dude for stating what should be obvious. If you don’t wanna read anything I write, then skip the fuck over it. “Terrorizing this site”. That’s some funny shit. LMFAO!!!
loveyou1314`11 | August 4, 2010 at 9:26 am
nice photo
sean | August 3, 2010 at 1:15 pm
I like “Tonguing” 12 year old boys.
dorkvizier | August 4, 2010 at 9:59 am
You are a fking freak.. hope you get arrested soon.. maybe I’ll tell the cops what you said so they can track down your ip address.. you piece of shit
missywissy | August 3, 2010 at 1:18 pm
let the attacks on Christianity and believers begin!!! Yea! Rip them apart! I came from an ape, not a greater being! Who would ever send their ONLY son to die for a bunch of people that don’t care? That would take a mad man! We came from amoeba and slowly evolved. Just think what little critters like mosquitos and fleas are going to be some day? They may even surpass us. Notice their practically indestructable??? I’m sure with all the pesticides and Co2 they will grow brains and skin and bones and organ systems and take over the planet. But that will take Bilions and trillions and zillions of years.
Nuh-Uh | August 3, 2010 at 1:21 pm
No you have it wrong, an invisible guy is going to say My will be done, and it will happen in 7 days. Watch.
MmmmNope | August 3, 2010 at 2:05 pm
You need to search for my posts below. You, personally, are everything that is bad about Christians in the modern world.
I will not rag on your beliefs. I don’t share them, but I will not tell you that your beliefs are wrong. I will tell you that your method of sharing and attempting to prove that your beliefs are the only true beliefs is wrong. And bad.
You profess to truly being a child of God? I’m sure he doesn’t preach mocking others? Being cruel? Threatening others?
I’m sure non-christians must appear as mental midgets to you because we refuse to see the logic of what you believe in. Does your God teach you that mocking the retarded kid is cool? Or does he teach understanding and leading by example?
Do you really think you’re leading by example by shitting all over what others have to believe in? If you answered yes then you are lying because your posts show a person who is down right PISSED that everyone won’t share the same beliefs as they do. And in their hyperventilating anger they are lashing out in an “I’ll show you” way to prove just how truly wrong and stupid the non-believers are.
Wow. After your posts, thats it! You have me convinced! I want to follow your God because clearly he says it’s ok for you to be mean, rude, mocking, and a plain old jerk to others who don’t agree with you. Right? Or is that just you? Maybe your God traditionally preaches patience, hope, kindness, understanding and love and you are just a hypocritical, bible thumping, hose-beast who is desperate to prove how right she is? Amirite?
Pistola | August 3, 2010 at 2:06 pm
I feel sorry for you.
MmmmNope | August 3, 2010 at 2:07 pm
Oh and my reply from 2:05pm is directed at Missywissy, just so she knows how special she is my heart.
Pistola | August 3, 2010 at 2:07 pm
To be clear, I meant I feel sorry for missywissy.
Randal(l) | August 3, 2010 at 2:41 pm
The only problem I have with religion is that people just wont keep it to themselves. I get it, I’m a degenerate heathen who’s going to be sodomized with fire dongs in hell for not believing in the magical man on the candy mountain in the sky. That’s cool or whatever, but keep that shit to yourselves. People are just so cocksure that they are right that they’re willing to kill and die for it. The Holocaust, feeding the Christians to the lions in the roman coliseum, the Crusades, 9/11, Genocide after Genocide, and tons of other fun stuff that ended with a fuckton of people dead because My god is right and I’ll god damned(tee hee) if I’m not gonna make sure you agree
Randal(l)
Rachel | August 3, 2010 at 8:24 pm
In response to your later post (for some reason it won’t let me reply to that one) I wanted to say that as a former Christian and as a current agnostic, you’re right… I am FREAKED out by Christianity. The reason: I very much believe in a person’s right to believe what they want to believe, I have a very live and let live attitude. The problem is that I have yet to meet a Christian who feels the same way. Some of them say they feel that way, and some of them refrain from preaching to those who don’t want to hear it, but when it comes down to it, Christians are constantly trying to shove their agenda down everyone else’s throat and they do it with their vote. Christianity (like many religions) gives one a license to be a bigot and to be a sexist. It is impossible for me to respect that or those who subscribe to it. Also, your general attitude is typically the one that I find when I interact with Christians. I have met a few decent Christians in my life time, but very few. Most of them are like you, and it is the ones that are so like you that first started me on my path towards agnosticism. I just thought to myself that this religion was so very absent of the compassion and love that Jesus spoke of, that I began to realize that I wanted no part of it. Then of course, I started to really research religion, and that was when I came to understand how shaky the religious foundation really is.
Vito | August 3, 2010 at 9:57 pm
If you think God/Jesus doesn’t exist…don’t exist…??? just how do you explain those incredible tits! I’d crawl naked through 2 miles of broken glass just so I could sniff the tires on the truck that drove through Katy’s neighborhood on the same day she washed her dainties!
If she was miine she’s never need toilet paper!
Andeedrea | August 3, 2010 at 10:00 pm
For something to evolve, the previous creature that the new creature evolved from must become extinct. Since we obviously still have tons of different types of apes around, you did not evolve from an ape or anything else.
Also now days, more than 50% of scientists have thrown eveloution out of the picture. They only teach it to us, because they can’t find any other explination so of course they had to make something up.
God is NOT a man. That is why no one understands why He would send his only Son to save us. But He does love us and even you. Just like a parent would do anything for their child. He has known us since before we were born and watched us grow up from infancy to toddler, to teen, to adult. He knows our hearts and why we do what we do. He knows everything. And He still loves you.
And the reason Christians talk about Jesus is because God wants us to let everyone know and that everyone be saved. If you have ever read through the Bible, you would know.
godless heathen | August 3, 2010 at 10:36 pm
is amazing that someone got a bunch of grown ups to believe in these fairy tales…..genius!
damn sonnn | August 4, 2010 at 10:53 am
It truly amazes me when I read such nonsense…where on earth did you pull 50% of scientists do not believe in evolution? Ridiculous.
If you want to defend your position try to not sound so asinine, you retarded fish frog.
Phil | August 4, 2010 at 12:08 pm
religion is a superstition
justme | August 3, 2010 at 1:53 pm
Dated a girl who was a pastor’s daughter (who’s dad ended up being gay. yeah…it was like fucking Nagasaki when that shit dropped). She was pretty fucked up. She lives in Springfield, MO now (so…if you see a hot blonde with curly hair…run the fuck away). I feel for you man. Matter of fact, I think you kinda went lightweight on the comedic bombs. Katy Perry is hot. And yes, I would gigoogidie her giflavidie until my googis broke, but she totally dropped off my, “Hot Chicks I Would Marry If I Were Me But Famous And With Money” list. Kelly Brook can stay. Oh…and Erin…that leaves one lonely spot wiiiiiiide open.
pimp | August 3, 2010 at 2:46 pm
Jesus Christ! i wanna suck on her asshole!!!
Head Go Boom | August 3, 2010 at 8:03 pm
WHAT THE FUCK?!
Snooster | August 3, 2010 at 11:04 pm
“Amirite?” Hey you know what, many self-professed ‘Christians’ pick and choose what to believe from their religion. Same thing goes for, oh, I don’t know, people who have rampant sex and bring children into this world without the meant to provide for them, because sex out of wedlock is fun (amirite? Guys?) Or, oh, I don’t know, terrorists? It is my firm belief that true religion belongs in the hands of the awfully intelligent and objective philosophers, rather than the masses.
M.e.h | August 4, 2010 at 12:09 am
Andeedrea just made a series of statement that consist of some of the dumbest and most ignorant shit I’ve ever heard in my life. I want some special to air to explain to me how such thoughts came to form in a person’s brain- having clips of this person actually saying these things would be so full of win, and then experts chiming in on and explaining this kind of crazy and how it is ..”learned” hell, maybe I just missed an episode of Bullshit. “has to become extinct” “50% of scientists” ? Lol, this thread is fucking great!
Doc Schweinstrudel | August 4, 2010 at 8:05 am
REPENT. THE END IS NEAR. SAVE YOUR SOULS!
Cock Dr | August 3, 2010 at 11:23 am
Glad to see that you have overcome your upbringing “Fish”.
And how!
Jesus | August 5, 2010 at 8:22 am
Hey goys,
Yes, speaking in latin or otherwise is very real – The Holy Spirit Takes Over
You’re not doing it
So Katy’s half rite . . . .
I know this
However, she is pretty fucking dumb, presumptive, and gossipy, making her defunkt and a waste to G d in the first or second place . . . third place goes to Bubbles the chimp, at least that Beast knows when to shut the fuck up…..
David (Jesus)
Lolz | August 3, 2010 at 11:24 am
Photoshop much? She’s fatter than that…
this girl | August 3, 2010 at 12:07 pm
do people’s arms naturally make that shape? :P
justme | August 3, 2010 at 1:47 pm
yes. when they’ve been photoshop-ed (webster needs to work on conjugations for photoshop)
Vito | August 3, 2010 at 10:03 pm
Piss off…you don’t know shit from a good grade of butter. You fucking morons who don’t have the proper perception and understanding to grasp photos of this nature always point to Photoshop like you know what the fuck you’re talking about. Even if the pictures ARE photoshopped, what the fuck difference does it make and who appointed you the Grand Pajandrum of digital photography?
Sheesh!
kayla | August 7, 2010 at 8:42 pm
who cares if its photoshop…even without it she still looks better than you and every single member of your cirlcle
rachel | August 3, 2010 at 11:24 am
preach…
wait, maybe a bad word choice there.
athena | August 3, 2010 at 12:25 pm
hahaha
That was a good rant though.
rachel | August 4, 2010 at 4:43 pm
oh definitely.
dudeatdudedotdude | August 3, 2010 at 11:25 am
once i went to a pentacostal place and they did that praying in tongues. i started goin ‘humna-humna-humna’ like ralph cramden to see who’d interpret…. sadly no one there could… proof positive it really takes a gift
dookchuteatdongdotdickbag | August 3, 2010 at 2:19 pm
Fascinating. Thank you.
roight | August 3, 2010 at 11:26 am
Nice post, fish!
Deacon Jones | August 3, 2010 at 11:26 am
Oh boy.
Heeeeere we go!
Deacon Jones | August 3, 2010 at 11:26 am
I can hear the holier than thous, stampeding to their keyboards..
mydoggydroppedit | August 3, 2010 at 11:26 am
She’s a near perfect specimen except for the face. Face is meh.
Harley | August 3, 2010 at 7:35 pm
Agreed. Her face has always annoyed the shit out of me.
Bradley | August 5, 2010 at 5:17 am
her face is fine the problem is she has no hips or ass, she needs to invest in a trainer like lady gaga and put some muscle on that frame.
kayla | August 7, 2010 at 8:43 pm
she wouldnt touch either of you anyway
Miss E | August 3, 2010 at 11:27 am
Very Interesting.
glace neuf | August 3, 2010 at 11:30 am
obviously i’d hit, but i’d also like to help it learn the truth. shine a light, fish!
First | August 3, 2010 at 11:31 am
Her Body looks amazing….And I guess her Boobs are real..That makes her even more fuckalicious….But sometimes she looks a little bit like a Tranny…..Just sayin..
Michael | August 3, 2010 at 11:32 am
Christian “schools” like Notre Dame and Georgetown
Polk | August 3, 2010 at 11:51 am
Having had my cock sucked on multiple occasions by Georgetown girls on the first date, I can assure you that being founded by Jesuits does not make your school “christian” – it’s just a great marketing pitch for parents who are concerned that their daughter will be sucking cocks on the first date multiple times during their freshman year.
athena | August 3, 2010 at 12:29 pm
Most of the great universities in the US were founded by Christians. Harvard was started to train ministers. However, today you can pretty much assume now that anyone who is remotely intellectual can’t really be religious at the same time (hence Nietzsche’s whole “death of god” thing).
dee | August 7, 2010 at 7:51 pm
I went to Notre Dame University hahaha but in Australia, not America. No idea what it’s like in America but here it’s only just getting a name for itself. Needless to say, I just transferred to a much better university :)
Aaron | August 3, 2010 at 11:33 am
That pic looks shooped. I can tell from some of the pixels and having seen a few shoops in my time.
onthetelly | August 3, 2010 at 11:35 am
Eh, her boobs just went down one cup size after this story…
E | August 3, 2010 at 11:36 am
This was by far your best post ever. Marry me.
jessicado22 | August 3, 2010 at 9:36 pm
I know…it’s nice that every once in a while he reminds us of how awesome he is! (I mean besides his huge penis and man pecs).
FrankNfrtr | August 3, 2010 at 11:38 am
Does Christian home schooling teach em how to serve up their tits like that?
Jesus!
Should I rethink my atheism?
Looking at the other featured subjects in the RS issue, I can see why they were keen to get some big boobies on the cover.
It’s nice to see KP without so much clown makeup. But who am I kidding? Few of us are looking at the face.
kayla | August 7, 2010 at 8:43 pm
God they are just beasts- get a life
Shannonhumphreys | August 3, 2010 at 11:39 am
Ah, when I was 14 or so, I went to my grandmother’s church and decided to “accept Jesus”. I was raised Catholic and am actually an atheist, but my grandmother had been worrying about us all going to hell ever since she’d become born again. Anyhow, I thought it would make her feel better. Go up to the front of the church, receive the holy spirit, yadda yadda yadda, no more speeches about how she didn’t want me to burn in hell for all eternity. So, I go up to the front of the church with two other people. The pastor lays his hands on my forehead and his wife leans close and instructs me to say “Jesus loves me” repeatedly, under my breath as fast as I can. So I do so. After about 20 seconds the pastor proclaims loudly that “the spirit is speaking through her” and shoves me pretty hard. I almost fell down the step leading to the altar or whatever they call it in that sort of church.
Anyways, like you said, complete bullshit.
Amen | August 3, 2010 at 11:45 am
Also grew up in a very “christian” household and endured years of “Do as I say, not as I do” bullshit. While I had to walk a very straight line, I was witness to cheating, lying, stealing, double-talk, you name it. But on Sunday, there was no sleeping in and enjoying the day. Oh no. We were at church like good Christians for morning service, then Sunday school, then lunch with the church group, then back for evening service.
When I turned 18 and finally left the house, I never returned to that life. I’m satisfied with my decision to turn my back on every page of that horse shit fairy tale.
When you die, your spirit doesn’t float up into that magic place in the sky. You lay rotting in a pine box and worms eat you. The end. Now enjoy every day you have on this earth and stop allowing yourself to be led around by a parade of liars.
its me fuckers | August 3, 2010 at 1:32 pm
Amen to that. Except I am going into a fiery pit (not Hell) called a crematorium and having my ashes disposed of as my kids see fit. I won’t care how they do it because I’ll be dead.
RNGM | August 3, 2010 at 2:35 pm
If I didn’t know for a fact that I didn’t write that post, I’d think you were me. I was raised the same way, and decided to leave the church when I was 18 as well. Last month my dad (who was the main religion-pusher and enforcer in my home) came out as a homosexual. Do as I say, not as I do is right.
bdog | August 3, 2010 at 11:46 am
The only thing I find even mildly interesting about Katy Perry is her big jugs. The girl just ain’t photogenic… full stop! what IS that expression. She’s the preverbial “butter” face. She’s made an art of having make-up on that actually makes her look plastic. You know, that’s ALMOST Special Effects. Cool.
Still luvin’ your work Fish
bdog | August 3, 2010 at 11:49 am
it’s “proverbial”, you spaz.
Signed “Pedant”
Ashley | August 3, 2010 at 11:47 am
Oh Superficial writer, we are kindred spirits. I was raised Mormon/LDS and now align most of my viewpoints with that of an Atheist. I waited many years to “out” my beliefs to my parents & family because I knew doing so would alienate myself. Thankfully I still have a decent relationship with one of them who unfortunately still expresses on occasion that I come to my senses and rejoin the church. But I’m guilty of slight contempt myself. To her I’m viewed as a lost soul (even though I have more faith and happiness in my beliefs than she does in hers), and I feel sorry for her and her struggles with trying to live up to the bogus standards of not just organized religion, but especially the Mormon church. Don’t let their nice demeanor fool you, they’re a rough crowd. I don’t know much about Evangelicals besides what I’ve learned from Jesus Camp and that ridiculous 700 Club TV channel, but it sounds like a tough childhood. Congrats on growing up and learning to think for yourself.
Oh, word? | August 3, 2010 at 12:02 pm
Mormon / Long Dick Shit ?
Ashley | August 3, 2010 at 12:07 pm
Lmao, Latter Day Saints.
Mancuso | August 4, 2010 at 8:18 am
LDS? Me I was raised on LSD.
CARLO | August 5, 2010 at 10:01 am
LAME! this is a site to perv! No one gives a shit about your contempt.
Polk | August 3, 2010 at 11:48 am
Speak the truth, brother!
Olivia | August 3, 2010 at 11:50 am
I read The Superficial every day. Have for two years. But this is by the far the best post of yours I’ve ever seen. Love it. Rant ON!
dudeatdudedotdude | August 3, 2010 at 12:01 pm
personal anecdotes are a nice touch. even made up ones frankly. but real ones espec
Cameo | August 3, 2010 at 12:27 pm
Agreed. No doubt.
Jepe | August 3, 2010 at 11:53 am
Please don’t turn all Perez Hilton on us!
Cock Dr | August 3, 2010 at 11:57 am
U think Fish is going gay?
athena | August 3, 2010 at 12:30 pm
hahahahahaha
Also Poop | August 3, 2010 at 11:55 am
C.K. Dexter Fish, you have unsuspected depth!
Mancuso | August 4, 2010 at 2:49 pm
Well, he is, after all, The Fish. He goes deep. In the water. With the fishes. Like Luca Brasi, only less dead.
bdog | August 3, 2010 at 12:02 pm
Fish, Fish, Fish… you’ve made a school boy error by thinking “Perry, 25, adds that her dad usually speaks in tongues while her mom plays interpreter” is to be taken literally. It’s a metaphor for “Father’s pissed again, don’t worry I can still understand his ramblings”.
But, you eloquently talking religious hoo-ha is cathartic for you I’m guessing “; )
Still lovin’ your work fella
dudeatdudedotdude | August 3, 2010 at 12:11 pm
bdog do u mean pissed as in drunk? you verbage reminds me of growing up in bishop’s stortford..
bdog | August 4, 2010 at 4:04 am
Yeah, “pissed” as in drunk, sloshed, muntered, intoxicated, inebriated, wasted, hammered, trashed, slammed, shitfaced, loaded or plastered.
I’m actually English… we have as many words for drunk as eskimos have for snow
“: )
bdog | August 4, 2010 at 1:52 pm
wow, close. The oposite side, Stevenage. up Norf now tho’
Ana | August 3, 2010 at 2:37 pm
no seriously. people do that.
not very sane ones, but they do.
Sam | August 3, 2010 at 12:02 pm
Been a fan for years and read daily. Not that we want you to start with the regular religious/political commentary, but this was the perfect mix of scathing (insightful, accurate) commentary and the inane blather that I usually come here for. Bravo.
Internet | August 3, 2010 at 12:03 pm
Shut up, pesce — heard it all before
madame psychosis | August 3, 2010 at 12:03 pm
Can I get an “Amen”!
a3maniac | August 3, 2010 at 12:04 pm
Fish, I always knew you were hilarious, but I had no idea you were also a Skeptic. Love you even more now. =)
squeehunter | August 3, 2010 at 12:05 pm
NORMAL Christians don’t speek in tongues. Damn charismatics making the rest of us look crazy.
Hez | August 3, 2010 at 12:26 pm
No, its believing a Zombie Jesus is up on a cloud forgiving your constant masturbating that makes you look crazy.
IBelieve | August 3, 2010 at 12:49 pm
Some of believe in a higher power. It doesnt hurt anyone. At the very least we are able to find comfort in it. At best we have eternal salvation. In a person that believes in God, I hope you may follow to as part of my role on earth is to try and help as many find salvation. This isnt anything to be forced upon and many wont accept it. However a few will, so I will continue to try. Until you prove there is no God, then I am fine believing.
Where did we come from? You think people from monkeys who came from fish who came from single cell forms who came from and ooze. Everyone stops there, where did the ooze come from?
Why are you so offend that I believe in God? Whether it is God, Allah, Budda, or divine intervention a form of a god has burdened and helped society since the beginning of time.
Hez | August 3, 2010 at 1:03 pm
I’m not offended when people believe in god. I just think they are stupid and your post just solidifies my opinion. Its called Science, which makes more sense then an all mighty deity that gives a shit about you.
MmmmNope | August 3, 2010 at 1:16 pm
Did you ever take any form of non-Christian science class as a kid? They pretty much explain beyond the ooze, if you’re interested in listening to evidence of the irrefutable kind. Lots of people know the facts about the pre-”ooze” stuff, you shouldn’t generalize…. tsk tsk.
It’s totally fine to believe in a higher power, as long as you can accept that man has free will and should, and most usually will, come to their own conclusions about faith, and if you plan on demanding acceptance for your own “soft-core” version of saving the human race, then you should not dubiously question the beliefs of others. Even if that includes the FACT of evolution – don’t you dare trivialize someone else’s beliefs while in the same breath tell us not to triviliaze yours.
No one will ever believe you, take you seriously and not lump you in the group of “crazy, bible thumping moron” if you preach understanding, forgiveness, and divine wisdom, while at the same time are shitting all over the belief systems of others – in this case those that believe in evolution.
Believers Fly Planes into Towers | August 3, 2010 at 1:23 pm
It does hurt everyone. Ruined the United States and Iraq.
FYI I am a U. S. Army Veteran.
missywissy | August 3, 2010 at 1:37 pm
I think aethiests are FREAKED out by Christianity. Why do they even let it bother them? Usually when people give their energy to something either they love it or are fearful of it. I see so many aethiests on here validating each other (that’s what they need, proof for everything, even their own feelings). I think it’s funny! I’m not trying to win anyone over. They’re on their path, I’m on mine. I feel sorry that they have to have proof, and most of it is man made. File those bones and fit ‘em together till we get prehistoric man. Yeah, that’s some proof. The only proof I need is there are some old documents, and tablets and relics that are in museums (real stuff, not refurbished) that all proclaim the same stories, in many different lands and languages. They all coincide with each other. The prophecy of a messiah is revealed and his story is told, and it actually happened (although he wasn’t the rich, ass kicker people were expecting). There is more PROOF that Christ walked the earth and was holy than there is in any of these science theories people come up with. That’s the funny part about all this. Give somebody a fact or figure taken from a single publication and they believe it because a scientist said it. But take a bunch of the same facts from many different places, and because it’s old or religous, it must be wrong. Jeez louise….
MmmmNope | August 3, 2010 at 1:45 pm
I’m going to rinse and repeat what I said to IBelieve for Missywissy – it’s all well and good to believe in God. But do not shit all over one persons beliefs in order to further your own. Everyone has the right to believe either outloud, or privately, in their heads, what they wish. If one person chooses to believe in God, that’s great. If the guy next to him chooses to believe in evolution, wonderful. It’s when, inevitably someone has to start trying to “prove” to someone else that their belief is better or more believable, that the problems start.
You may think your post was not thumping any bibles, but it was. I may choose to believe in bones in a museum, but I will never, EVER, tell anyone what they should believe in, or why their belief is wrong, until and unless they start trying to shit on someone else for daring to believe differently.
LoL | August 3, 2010 at 1:47 pm
@mmmmnope Thank you for saying that better than I could
M.e.h | August 3, 2010 at 2:05 pm
@missywissy as someone who was raised very christian; went to summer camp to praise the lord, went to a school with religion class, never missed church and Sunday school as a kid… I know I can at least speak for myself when I say you haven’t pegged it. I’m not freaked by christians, if anything it’s sad to me that they can’t find the strength of will they need- inside themselves. It’s sad to me that they don’t actually see how amazing humans can be- without a god. I get tired of being told over and over and over again that I’m “lost” yadda-yadda-yadda because I don’t believe in god. It’s insulting and people who are religious are often bullies playing persucuted victims. So, as someone who doesn’t believe in god, I’m not here to offer “needed” validation -I’m just being human and saying… “wow, yeah, I’ve totally experienced that.”
It’s sad to me that they’re, christians, so insulted by the idea of coming from an ape- part of our natural world. It’s an arrogance and fear and hatred that makes me disgusted, not freaked, by most people if faith. It’s why I left it. I’ve beeen through harder times than many of the ones I know- I was going blind for a while, I’m nearly armless thanks to nerve damage now, but god never helped- seeing the human will get through anything is what insures me
M.e.h | August 3, 2010 at 2:09 pm
Spellcheck typo “insures” = “inspires”
RNGM | August 3, 2010 at 2:40 pm
Couldn’t have said that better if I tried. Agreed.
missywissy | August 3, 2010 at 9:05 pm
I don’t go to church. Still can’t find it in the bible “though shalt go to church and sign your name and join and pick a denomination”, nope can’t find it.
I think it’s obvious a bunch of folks are lost. People can ridicule Christians and mocks their beliefs, and as soon as we start defending ourselves you all get on your soap boxes about “I went to college” “my pastor had an affair” ” I was forced as a child into religion”. Wah. I’ve gone through my stuff too to come to the point where I’m at, and when I get mocked for it, damn skippy I’m going to defend it. I never once in any of my posts said somebody was going to hell. All I said is I think your theories are as dumb as you think my beliefs are. So, see we do have something in common. I can agree to disagree, but I’m not judging you and telling you “you’re bad if your gay, on drugs, had premarital sex”. I’m not your grandma. Christ sat with murderers and thieves and hung out with them. I doubt anyone on here would ever have the huevos to do that, and I respect him for trying to help turn their lives over to love. I think that’s what a lot of Christians do, and none of us have had classes in how to do that, so some come across as “shoving down the throat” because they are so passionate. They do it out of love, because it is their belief that unsaved people won’t be seen in the after life. They love you and want to be with you. Even though that’s a “myth” you don’t have to HATE it and mock it. The only time there are these kind of conversations on this site is when “Fish” brings up his beliefs which is usually something about Christ and penis (never Muslim, Buddhism, Aethiesm, Ba’hai), nope only Christianity. so you better believe I’m going to defend my heart and my path. This is like a witchhunt, only the tables have been turned. You all sound like the colonials in Salem wanting to burn some Christians. Religion should just be left alone for people to keep close to their heart. I promise, I don’t ever tell people what to believe, but if you mock me I will stand up for myself. Continue sticking that spear in the side of Christ. Whatever makes you joyful in your heart, just don’t throw it in my face.
missywissy | August 3, 2010 at 9:11 pm
one more thing, I don’t personally believe in speaking in tongues. I think it’s misinterpreted.
Mancuso | August 4, 2010 at 2:58 pm
@ IBelieve: I am not ‘offend’ that you believe in God, it’s your lack of faith in grammar that disturbs me.
Is THAT what you guys mean by speaking “in tongues”? Because it sure looks like speaking in shitty English to me…
iBelieve | August 3, 2010 at 7:21 pm
@ MmmmNope, when was evolution proven so it could be called a fact. Even if 100% of scientist believes it, there is no proof. So when you call it a fact, check the books as it is still taught as the theory of evolution the same as creationism, alien seeding… are all theories until one is PROVEN through the scientific method as fact.
Also, wasnt trivializing your belief of coming from evolution. That is why I wrote in paragraphs. I truly wanted to know where the origin comes from in your theory. I have contemplated, but keep going back to where did the thing before come from and the thing before that… It was a legitimate question as to what you believe.
nicejobbro | August 3, 2010 at 7:57 pm
@ibelieve… You have no idea what a scientific theory is. It’s not a theory on if it happened or not (it’s been proven to have happened). It’s the speculation and study of HOW and WHY it happened. You know there is also “The Theory of Gravity”, but that doesn’t mean that it’s not proven that there is gravity. lol
iBelieve | August 3, 2010 at 8:27 pm
must have missed when it was proven it happened. Maybe even after all those years in college and even more in the field as a biologist, I missed that day. Last I heard it wasnt proven. Maybe you are confusing adaptation and evolution.
As for your understanding of science, maybe you need to go back to school. It is the theory of gravity. It has not been proven. The effect of gravity is proven. When you say proven in a scientific sense it means proven, tested, and confirmed not just largely accepted? I believe in mans role in global warming, but it hasnt been proven to be effected mankind. It is accepted, not proven, mankind affects global warming.
Oh well my mistake, all that you believe is proven, and anything opposed is wrong. lol
WTEff | August 4, 2010 at 12:10 am
ibelieve is right. By the way, gravity is a law, not a theory. I am not condoning the Christian thing at all, however, since it leads to fascism. To me, Christians are no better than Nazis.
Richard McBeef, PhD | August 4, 2010 at 12:15 am
why do you think it is commonly accepted by 99.999% of legitimate biologists? A global atheist conspiracy? It’s commonly accepted because of an overwhelming amount of evidence supporting it.
You have the same problem as all the other ID rubes: ignorance of science, both the methods and the jargon. You just want to argue about the semantics of “proof” and “theory” rather than offer any evidence to the contrary. You are a blinded fanatic and it’s not even worth the time I wasted to argue with you. Bring something of worth and a basic knowledge of science next time or just take comfort that we will burn in hell while you surf clouds with jesus.
M.e.h | August 4, 2010 at 12:27 am
You still don’t get it Missy, I’ve been in your shoes, I get why you don’t get it. They tried to teach me to feel persucuted too- I just didn’t get it until I managed to free myself from the BS- and that’s when I was finally happy (see, how does it feel to be told that you’re looking at it the wrong way. Guess what- you’re mocking what people believe) You’re in the largest religious group on the planet now- at this point in time I don’t see how you could have a legit claim to know what true persicution is.
Ibelieve: I could prove evolution with my mollies. As in actual proof. God- education in america sucks. Knowledge isn’t evil and ignorance isn’t bliss (for the rest of us) if that snake was real, he didn’t do us enough of a favor.
Mancuso | August 4, 2010 at 3:07 pm
@ iBelieve again: “When was evolution proven”? Maybe you have heard about this little thing called genetics. Evolution is being proven as we write. Unless you consider the scientific method a “belief system”, in which case I will respectfully give up and leave to your eternal darkness of the spotted mind.
trillian | August 4, 2010 at 5:21 pm
First: In science, the meaning of theory is more rigorous: a theory must be based on observed facts and make testable predictions – A fact is a hypothesis that is so firmly supported by evidence that we assume it is true, and act as if it were true. Evolution is a fact in the sense that it is overwhelmingly validated by the evidence. Frequently, evolution is said to be a fact in the same way as the Earth revolving around the Sun is a fact.
secondly – if you are really interested in learning about how life came to be – study abiogenisis. Go read Science Daily News and find out about all the truly incredible things that human beings have done in the past and what we’re doing today. Then look at the universe and understand why your tiny middle eastern god doesn’t satisfy people with his angry discriminatory and violent book that the power hungry leaders demand they live by (goes for Christians, Muslims, and Jews)
Baiul | August 5, 2010 at 6:08 am
@iBelieve
Creationism is not a scientific theory. Shall we compare all of the evidence, tests and retests for Evolution and put them against creationism? No because it is very one sided. Is Evolution imperfect and unfinished? Yes it is, your argument is that since this theory is only 90% proven to be factual and retestable with concurrent results, we should instead replace it with something with no scientific backing and not a single provable fact?
It’s always the same thing, you can prove almost anything going back to the ooze? Well since you can’t positively prove what came first let’s replace all of that science and the facts that makes up the theory of evolution with a giant sky fairy, of whom there is no evidence at all. That sounds reasonable, the other side needs proof but we don’t, we can criticise them for not having 100% of the facts while not needing a single % ourselves.
In fact there is an unlimited source of real evidence which proves that the God depicted in the Bible does not exist. I’m not talking about warm cuddly feelings, I’m referring to testable hypothesis’.
Now as for a loving god who loves all of his children and how Christians don’t mean me any harm. Christians (and most other organised religions) agree with the theory that I will go to hell to be tortured for eternity, because the great and loving God decided so if I didn’t do what I was told indirectly from someone whose words were hundreds of years after the event, and since have been twisted many times.
Imagine the all loving father who comes to you and says, son/daughter. I know I didn’t tell you what you should do, I hinted at it through other people and let you make up your mind to do what you thought was best. Sadly, you didn’t turn up for dinner on Sundays, so unfortunately I am going to have to hand you over to cousin Earl who will rape you, burn you and torture you for eternity. Too late to say sorry and repent now, the deal is done. I’m only allowing you to be tortured for ever though, because I truly love you and am a 100% good person.
First off, what a crock of shit. Secondly, I am highly offended that Christians (and others) are in a belief system which makes it ok to torture me for ever after I die because I don’t agree with them.
Anyone who has respect for religion, and thinks we shouldn’t judge is a moron. We are being judged not for our actions, but for the fact that we live and breath, even if we live by a solid common law. Do unto others as you would wish done to you. For not believing in the sky fairy however, we are doomed to eternal damnation. Fuck your damnation, I will take it any day and will not bow down to a selfish and unfair belief system which allows you to think it is fair to punish good people. So save yourself by all means, I will go happily down to hell to help out the good people there, you go sit on your cloud with the fairies.
JR | August 3, 2010 at 12:07 pm
Wow, Fish. It’s nice to see you open up like this every so often. Makes me think you’re human after all.
Sometimes, when people tell me about their religious experiences, I’m tempted to call it bullshit, but you’re right that in doing so you compromise your relationship with that person. Sometimes it’s better to let people believe what they want and move on. After all, no one can tell you what to think.
JR | August 3, 2010 at 12:10 pm
Correction: no one can tell you what to think but it sure as shit doesn’t stop people from trying. That said, I believe in respecting someone else’s beliefs as long as they respect mine. Problem is, organized religioun types rarely do that.
So fuck ‘em.
IBelieve | August 3, 2010 at 12:52 pm
Some do go way to far, but not most. If someone does, remind them that you have to accept God, and no force will speed that up. The trouble is we believe without God that you will end up in hell. Depending on your faith this can be simply being without God all the way to fire and brimstone. Remember most are trying because they care about you.
um | August 3, 2010 at 1:18 pm
No, we don’t “have” to accept your version of God or anything we don’t want to
Believers Fly Planes into Towers | August 3, 2010 at 1:26 pm
IBelieve and the rest want to make Hell on Earth. Must be stopped.
Richard McBeef, PhD | August 4, 2010 at 12:18 am
ann
MmmmNope | August 3, 2010 at 1:39 pm
I just don’t believe that if I am a good, kind person, who shows generosity, understanding, and peace to those around me that I will be sent to an eternity of pain and suffering simply because I refused to believe in a named entity.
Again, big supporter in letting people believe in whatever floats their boat, but can you see how unappetizing your view on faith is to other people? It basically says, “Believe in my God or He will smite you and you will rot forever in misery”. Wow, threats… yeah, threatening people usually works well.
Wouldn’t it be better to can the fire and brimstone BS and just tell people your believe sustains and fulfills you, that you feel like a happier person since you found God, and let them come to their own conclusions? Instead you are tainting the beautiful vision of faith you are trying to share. So many born-agains simply turn people off and make people move further from the idea of God because they force their beliefs on people, resorting to threats if necessary, rather than leading by example.
Come on, some of these ideas are so basic you should learn them in kindergarten: lead by example, don’t threaten other people, treat other people the way you want to be treated (wait, that rings a bell, who supposedly said that? Oh yeah, that’s right Jesus – funny how most Christians can’t follow that one through).
Cock Dr | August 3, 2010 at 2:24 pm
The religious want you to believe in their easter bunny fantasies of a god that is personally involved with each & every person & problem, & most are very upset that you don’t. Perhaps that indicates some uncertainly within their own private thoughts, as if their faith might be threatened by another person expressing skepticism.
Please note that fanatical devotion to religious doctrine is a common symptom in a lot of mental illness. That shit is serious, for example it can convince people that they are justified in flying airplanes full of screaming civilians into tall buildings.
MmmmNope | August 3, 2010 at 2:33 pm
I’m big on everyone having the right to believe in whatever blows their hair back, mockery of people for their beliefs is not something I will ever stand by whether it is happening by or against Christian people.
The problem I have with some, but not all, Christians is their method of sharing their belief.
I’ve gone to church a couple times with friends, we’re taking snake-handling, tongue-speaking, feeling-the-light kinda born again churches and while, yes, there are a HUGE majority of people acting like they have scorpions eating their brains, there are those who a kneeling quietly and calmly, in a completely peaceful aura admidst all the calamity, and THEY are the people I admire, and maybe even envy a bit.
They are calm, and happy and look completely enraptured with something so sublime to them that all they can do is sit and let it wash over them.
They aren’t having a dance-off in the aisles, or writhing with snakes, or screaming gibberish, they are peacefully sharing their own private love with their God and I think THAT is what each and every Christian should aim for. If I was not so strongly attuned to my own personal belief system, seeing a few of those restful souls communing with their God would have been enough to turn me to seek that kind of happiness on my own.
It was the frigging people acting like their undies were on fire that scared the shit out of me and made me want to flee the church and never, ever return.
ann | August 3, 2010 at 8:23 pm
I think what you’re saying is totally true, and sad. I do believe in God and follow Jesus, and this decision was mostly based on the historical evidence for Jesus, but the whole ‘you must believe or burn in hell’ part makes me sick and breaks my heart. However, because of Jesus’s extraordinary life and claims, I think it’s important to investigate the issue seriously. What I have found is that what he actually said is much more ambiguous than ‘believe or die’. One place where he did say distinguish why people go to hell actually says it was for not feeding, clothing, and showing hospitality to the poor (Matthew 25). The thought that well-intentioned people who bring more justice into the world would go to hell is awful, but a person that trusts in Jesus does not have to believe this. ‘Christian universalism’ is the view that Jesus died to save EVERYONE, and there’s actually more biblical evidence for it than most Christians realize.
Also, there are plenty of Christians that believe in evolution. I think that the ones who don’t just have not looked at the overwhelming scientific evidence. As old testiment scholar Bruce Waltke put it, “…if the data is overwhelmingly in favor of evolution, to deny that reality will make us a cult…some odd group that is not really interacting with the world. And rightly so, because we are not using our gifts and trusting God’s Providence that brought us to this point of our awareness.”
Richard McBeef, PhD | August 4, 2010 at 12:18 am
best post ever
jumpin_j | August 3, 2010 at 12:14 pm
Sorry Phish, did you say something? I couldn’t hear with my head stuck between those funbags (sound of motorboating, wbwbwbwbwbwbw). Amen!
Lady Blah Blah | August 3, 2010 at 12:14 pm
I think MS Perry’s interpretation of “speaking in tongues” is naive, and at the same time I think that while the Superficial writer’s interpretation is correct, he doesn’t mention something that should be taken into account. And that is that for those people who are into “speaking in tongues,” this may be as close as they get to being in an altered state as they will ever get. (I’m assuming that most people who are into the speaking in tongues type of religion don’t use psychedelics or weed, and if they have they had “bad trips.”) I’m sure I’m not the only one who “speaks in tongues” during the big O, and what I’m saying is that for some of those Christians who are into it, speaking in tongues may be one of a very few experiences they have that gives them a taste of ecstasy.
Crusher | August 3, 2010 at 12:15 pm
Boo-freaking-yah!
Great post Fish.
Now get back to razing douchebags and flaming the self-important.
Dijmon hounsu | August 3, 2010 at 12:17 pm
I want put in your boobs ice creame cool and i want just sucks ice creame cuze giting bigger boobs
Amie | August 3, 2010 at 12:23 pm
Agree wholeheartedly. My 70s parents were members of The Way International, founded by some guy who claimed God spoke to him and he had a vision of “The Word”; sounds awfully John Smith-y in a Southpark kind of way, doesn’t it?
Christopher | August 3, 2010 at 12:24 pm
I enjoyed your soapbox, thank you.
mandi | August 3, 2010 at 12:26 pm
I have been reading this site faithfully (sorry for the pun) for years now, and I have to agree with many of the other comments today… BEST POST EVER. I come here to laugh, and you’re always hilarious… but this was even better. Nice job.
ManiacFive | August 3, 2010 at 12:28 pm
Helluva post Fish, well played sir.
Caubideremo | August 3, 2010 at 12:30 pm
Great post dude. The fact that such a vapid person believes her parents have a direct line to their imaginary deity should surprise no-one, but if the idiocy of celebrity continues to be correlated with the idiocy of religion in the public square, it can only be a good thing.
Drew | August 3, 2010 at 12:32 pm
Gotta love the people that perpetuate the stereotype that pretty people are generally stupid.
FormerlyInDoctrinated | August 3, 2010 at 12:32 pm
I never post, but after that I had to. I have the EXACT same background – “charismatic/evangelical” circus act. You forgot to add the good ole “slain in the spirit” and “gifts of healing” horse hockey that goes on in these self righteous, pyramid schemes. The only “gift” I believe in is “MY GIFT” of “prophecy.” I prophesize that Jesus isn’t coming back, and if I diddle young ladies, I won’t go to Hell.
jurmy | August 3, 2010 at 12:34 pm
I don’t care if she was raised by wolves, she needs to get naked!
Sakura | August 3, 2010 at 12:47 pm
Wow that was pure literary genius. My panties dropped by what can only be described as divine force. Also known as the super awesome of your penis.
Mike | August 3, 2010 at 12:49 pm
Dear SW,
I love you. Superb soapboxery.
The Beagle | August 3, 2010 at 1:00 pm
I’ve been reading The Superficial daily for eight million years and I have never left a comment. After reading this post, I signed up just because I wanted to say it was freakin’ brilliant. xxxxxxxxxxxxx
pump | August 3, 2010 at 1:05 pm
My parents are muslims and I’ve been raised as “believe in whatever your want to believe” kind of way. Now I believe in jugs.
Great post fish. Just writing for the first time to say that.
babyfawn | August 3, 2010 at 1:20 pm
I did not grow up super Christian, however I had childhood friends who were extreme mennonites and I went to Christian summer camp with her. At the end of the week, there was always a saving session and people would start speaking in tongues and get down on their knees crying.
There was this woman at her church that would run around the sanctuary praising Jesus and lifting her skirt up. I went for the lolz, of course.
noodle | August 3, 2010 at 1:23 pm
dear holy god. that is the hotness. i rarely comment on shit like this…but ohhhhh damn.
dudeatdudedotdude | August 3, 2010 at 2:01 pm
yeah holy mary mother of god did come to my mind when that post hit