God Spoke To Katy Perry During Her Super Bowl Halftime Show

Katy Perry’s Super Bowl halftime show is best/only remembered by three things: Missy Elliot, The More You Know Star, and future U.S. Lord Emperor Supreme Left Shark. Except if you ask her, like Ryan Seacrest did at last night’s Grammys, her show was a celebration of Katy Perry planned and orchestrated by God who spoke to her through a magical headset. I’m not even joking. Fox News reports:

“I over prepared myself and did a lot of prayer and meditation,” Perry told Seacrest at the 57th annual Grammy Awards.
She added, “It’s funny, I was praying and I got a word from God and He says, ‘You got this and I got you.’ And then I was on top of the lion and a guy, a random guy, just looked on me with a headset that I’ve never communicated with before and he just looked me straight in the eyes and said, ‘You got this.’ And I was like, ‘Oh, this is God confirming I can do this.”

So basically Katy Perry can’t pick her own crew-members out of a lineup which clearly means they’re angels sent down from Heaven to make sure her lesbian song looks super awesome on stage. Wow. That’s actually worse than Kanye to me because that is some crazy fucking narcissism. Katy Perry literally thinks she’s so important God himself has to stop whatever the fuck he’s doing and blow sunshine up your ass. Because that guy doesn’t have shit to do.

“Almighty, it’s time for your noon give children in Africa AIDS.”
“Thank you, Gabriel. — Wait a minute. Does Katy Perry have a show today?”
“I believe so, My Lord.”
“Dammit. Alright, clear my afternoon.”
“Even your 3:30 cure a random cancer kid just to keep people guessing?”
“Everything! It’s Katy Perry, man.”

Photos: Getty