Katy Perry’s Divorce Was Just God’s Way Of Helping Her Parents’ Ministry

Katy Perry’s parents have demonstrated in the past that they have absolutely zero qualms about milking her heathen breasts to do the Lord’s work, so it really shouldn’t come as a surprise that they’ve already glommed onto her divorce from Russell Brand to fill pews. Via The Daily Mail:

Mary, 63, preached to the Church on the Rise congregation in Westlake, Ohio [Thursday]: ‘I’m sure that Katy’s trending on the Internet was to get you here to church tonight.
‘I mean all over the world, who knows how God is bringing them in? The most important thing is you are here and God wants to put the fire in you in 2012.’
She and husband Keith, 63, billed themselves as ‘Katy Perry’s parents in marketing materials for the event, reported CNN.

But just to set the record straight, Katy’s parents made sure everyone knew they raised her right – i.e. sheltered her from the outside world, and most importantly, Lucky Charms – and still love her even though she’s become a walking tit parade singing the praises of fleshly delights thanks to all that sheltering they did:

Katy was brought up as a devout Christian in Santa Barbara, California. She listened only to gospel music and was banned from watching TV.
Keith also choked back tears when talking about his daughter’s different lifestyle, reported The Sun.
‘I love my daughter and I will always love her. Stop being judgmental and critical. Do not close the doors to your loved ones, especially your children.
‘Just because they do not like what you do or what you are, they are still praying that you stay in the race. They are counting on you.’

And by “counting on you” Katy Perry’s dad clearly means he’s counting on her to stay famous so suckers can keep filling the offering plates. That’s prime griftin’ right there.

Photos: Getty, Splash News