Posted by Photo Boy
If you’re like me, and you’ve always wondered what would happen if the creators of Jackass got drunk, had unprotected sex with the creators of Punk’d, then decided to abort the hellspawn they produced, then you’re in luck, because Katy Perry‘s new video for her song ‘Birthday’ is that dead fetus.
To start off, she did “jewface.” I don’t know if that’s even a thing, but if everyone’s going to piss themselves over Nick Cannon ripping off an already overly ripped off 30 year-old SNL bit, I guess we have to pretend this is outrageous as well. Although if you sit through the excruciating eight goddamned minutes of this thing, you’ll find that’s the least of what’s wrong here. I screencapped it and broke it down for you because I recognize that your time and life in general are both far more valuable than my own.
- Here’s the part where she absolutely terrifies a child by eating a live rat in front of him.
- Here’s the part where she pulls off an amputee’s leg and plays it like a guitar.
- Here’s the part where she molests an old man. And keeps doing it. I’m pretty sure to completion.
- Here’s the part where she lets farm animals shit on children.
- Here’s the part where she stages a fucking car accident at a kid’s birthday party.
Aside from the music being far-and-beyond the most terrible thing about this video, I’m not sure who is more to blame for this awfulness even existing. Is it Katy Perry for having such a shitty idea, then executing it in the shittiest way possible? Or is it everyone who agreed to be in on the pranks, i.e. the parents, the nursing home admins, and the rabbi who all decided that taking the focus away from the celebrant in favor of two minutes of Internet fame was a worthy exchange? And then there’s this. Dear sweet christ I’ll never, ever get that out of my brain.