Katy Perry’s Breasts Got Justin Bieber & Selena Gomez Drunk (With Guest Star Robert Pattinson)

Here’s Katy Perry leaving Marmont last night while Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez stumble out the door behind her because they weigh a combined 47 pounds and had a sip of wine each. Fortunately for Katy, Robert Pattinson showed up and went, “Don’t worry, I’ll get these kids home. Oh, and can you hold this napkin between your tits?” but instead drove them to a hotel and forced them to reenact the scene in One Hour Photo where Robin Williams makes a crying Michael Vartan bang his mistress while he takes pictures of them.

And that, my friends, is how you do a photo assumption if photo assumption means precisely describing a series of events exactly as they happened. Which I did.

Photos: Getty, Pacific Coast News, Splash News