Katy Perry and Russell Brand Already Need Therapy

“You like my Chupacabra, puta? I trim it for Hey-soos.”

Probably because every marriage around them is being revealed as the meaningless publicity stunts they were always intended to be, Katy Perry and Russell Brand have reportedly started seeing a counselor, according to Life & Style:

Three months into their marriage, Katy Perry and Russell Brand may already be hitting a bump. In January, just weeks before launching her worldwide tour, Katy “started asking friends to recommend a marriage counselor,” an insider tells Life & Style.
… When Russell filmed Arthur over the summer, “Katy was around all the time,” a set insider tells Life & Style. For the film’s recent reshoots, however, “She hasn’t been by,” the insider confirms.

Of course, none of this should be surprising considering we’re talking about a, somehow, devout Christian who spreads the gospel via huge breasts and a British heroin addict who used to have threesomes for breakfasts. The two of them had no business being together in the first place, yet we’re not going to let two dudes get married because that’s what’s gonna make the whole institution look bad. I had no idea consensual butt sex trumped an inevitable divorce fueled by opiates and gonorrhea, but then again, I’m not a priest. Is the anus the pathway to Satan? I was never any good with Scripture.

Photos: Splash News