Katy Perry and Russell Brand Already Need Therapy

February 9th, 2011 // 95 Comments

“You like my Chupacabra, puta? I trim it for Hey-soos.”

Probably because every marriage around them is being revealed as the meaningless publicity stunts they were always intended to be, Katy Perry and Russell Brand have reportedly started seeing a counselor, according to Life & Style:

Three months into their marriage, Katy Perry and Russell Brand may already be hitting a bump. In January, just weeks before launching her worldwide tour, Katy “started asking friends to recommend a marriage counselor,” an insider tells Life & Style.
… When Russell filmed Arthur over the summer, “Katy was around all the time,” a set insider tells Life & Style. For the film’s recent reshoots, however, “She hasn’t been by,” the insider confirms.

Of course, none of this should be surprising considering we’re talking about a, somehow, devout Christian who spreads the gospel via huge breasts and a British heroin addict who used to have threesomes for breakfasts. The two of them had no business being together in the first place, yet we’re not going to let two dudes get married because that’s what’s gonna make the whole institution look bad. I had no idea consensual butt sex trumped an inevitable divorce fueled by opiates and gonorrhea, but then again, I’m not a priest. Is the anus the pathway to Satan? I was never any good with Scripture.

Photos: Splash News


  1. peanut


    • Until ALL girls stop wearing makeup, she’s still hot!!! No one wants to see 99% of sexy women with out makeup. I’m married so to me everyother girl is just fine art anyway. Why not paint it how it should look?

  2. Mortimer Duke

    Russ -ell Brand sucks cocks, like they were popsicles.
    He licks the cream, down to every last drop.

  3. ThatBitchFromTheGym

    Nahhh. It’ll all work out. Katy Perry’s definitely a freak (and not just the Jesus kind). She just has to give way…they’ll be having happy Charlie Sheen style sex complete with 5 hookers in no time.

  4. jojo

    Maybe it was when he released the pictures from behind the iron curtain also known as Katy Perry’s makeup.

    • taco flavored kisses

      Exactly what I was thinking! That was scary and she just had to be really pissed about him pulling that shit.
      What’s up with these pics, btw? A crying lard-o in the first one, KP making a classic stupid face invoking visions of stomping it in the second one, more dumb faces and a sombrero…bizarre stuff as always with this ho.

    • In support of poor Russel… If you married a woman who looked like Katy Perry only to wake up next to a woman who looks like Steve Perry, wouldn’t YOU be posting? It was a cry for help…

  5. slappy magoo

    Is that girl crying because of the smell?

  6. Coyote

    Actually the Catholic Diocese wants to keep Gay Sex where it belongs, in the Rectory.

  7. Katy Perry Russell Brand
    Commented on this photo:

    Russell Brand couldn’t stand to not be around this face all the time.

  8. The Far Right

    Fish, you have an uncanny ability to take completely irrelevant celebrity news and spin it somehow in order to vilify the “homo-fearing” right. I thought we were supposed to be the judgmental ones.

    • queef olbermann

      Ha – very perceptive. I’m just surprised Palin wasn’t included somehow.

    • Kate

      Irrelevant how? The topic of the post is marriage and gay marriage fits right in. Funny how so many right wingers decry gay marriage as a threat to the sacredness of the institution and so should remain illegal but every straight jackass has the right to sh!t all over it.

      Oh and there is a big difference between judging someone on actions that hurt you in no way just for sh!ts and giggles and calling folks like you out on their bigotry.

      • sigh

        It’s typical for liberals to paint with a broad brush, just like Kate here implying that all who do not support gay marriage are bigots. Everything comes down to racism, sexism, or xenophobia. Liberals are the only ones who aren’t any of these, looking down upon us heathens from their ivory towers of virtue.

      • Well, if you can think of a good reason for denying someone who’s a citizen the same rights that you enjoy that isn’t based on bigotry, let’s fucking hear it.

        If you’re going to claim some kind of religious justification, then you better not support women having any rights, or blacks not being property, and or not putting everyone who doesn’t worship like you do to the sword, because you’re not allowed to pick and choose what you want to obey when God’s laying down the law. And I’d love to see how you’d spin “not supporting” those as not being bigoted.

        So, without falling back on that, what else you got?

      • Stop

        Just what we need, some angry liberal finger wagging at us about some stupid liberal crap. Go over to Huffington Post with the other angry feminists, please!

    • Reddy

      I don’t understand how this is an attempt at “vilifying the ‘homo-fearing’ right.” I know plenty of people on the left who don’t support gay marriage. And I know many on the right that do. Why do we have to jump to left vs. right all the time?

      The post does jump from Katy Perry and Russell Brand already needing marriage counselling to a statement that all people should be allowed to marry, because if opposite-sex couples are allowed to rush into marriage and that’s not considered an affront to marriage, why can’t same sex couples? If you don’t believe the government has a role in your private life, why is this a hard concept?

  9. Katy Perry Russell Brand
    Commented on this photo:

    she looks like the CHUPACABRA here

  10. Katy Perry Russell Brand
    Rough--I will not have sex on Valentine's day, because it's corny
    Commented on this photo:

    Jenny McCarthy use to do this, now her face is literally stuck like this.

    • Cindy Elmwood

      I was going to post that I suddenly had a vision that Katy Perry = Jenny McCarthy with black hair, but you beat me to it.

  11. burton

    wow she has some really fat legs,lol.

  12. jumpin_j

    I bet when they got married in India that they really never married each other. Just to an elephant they were standing next to.

  13. Jugalug

    LOL @ Harrison Ford in the background

    • IttyBittyTittyCommittee

      No No.
      That’s Ed Begley Jr. in the background.
      He brought Katy some “Organic” tampons and was curious if they worked without the wings

    • Mortimer Duke

      Youre both wrong. Its John MacEnroe

  14. Katy Perry Russell Brand
    Commented on this photo:

    “katy perry put her vagina in my face and all i got was this lousy t-shirt”

  15. Katy Perry Russell Brand
    Commented on this photo:

    Here’s hoping she made a sex tape and not a lame one either like Kardashian.

  16. Why is teen mom Amber Portwood crying?

  17. Gilberator

    “Did you just step in my dignity? Did you? Awww….don’t cry. I was only kidding. I never really had any. More cleavage, anyone?”

  18. seth rogen's vagina

    the Church’s anti gay thing isn’t about morality, it’s about putting asses in the pews, and shekels in the collection baskets. If they stopped trying to scare people into engaging in nothing but baby making straight unprotected birth control free intercourse, there’d be less catholics, less butts in the pews, less cash in the collection baskets. Why the heck else would they make a saint out of some horribly misguided schmuck like Mother Theresa, who spent her whole life ‘teaching’ the people living in the most horrificly poverty stricken overpopulated place on earth to keep making more babies? Aids, overpopulation and famine be damned, we need more catholics, otherwise those scary brown skinned people will outnumber us!

    • funny how the catholic church is anti-gay, but pro raping young boys. Hell, they even elected the guy who authored the “don’t tell the cops” policy as pope.

    • harry satchel

      ^^ the above comments were actually brought to you by seth rogen’s ass ^^

    • lauryn

      can you plz stop referring to “butts” and saying “heck”. Catholicism/missionaries aren’t about changing the color of people’s skin its about converting them to their religion… read a book once in a while.

  19. FruitLoop

    That plump crying girl looks like She-Shrek from the movies…..Ogre Fiona….just not green.

  20. It looks like Katy made that fat shrek girl smell her finger…and it made her cry.

  21. Katy Perry Russell Brand
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s actually a pretty good Russell Brand impression.

  22. Bucky Barnes

    Gee, I’d have assumed Russell tweeting that photo of Katy waking up awhile back would have set everything right. Chicks love that sort of thing…

  23. Richard McBeef

    thars some thunder in them thighs right thar.

  24. I think Katy’s pudgy legs are sexy as hell..but not as sexy as Beyonce’s….ALMOST, but not quite…

  25. Katy Perry Russell Brand
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    That is a cute picture.
    She’ll be either separated or pregnant before the end of the year.

  26. Why is Alf crying?

  27. I think they’ve realized that BOTH their egos are too big for ONE marriage..

  28. Rico

    Busting on Katy Perry for not looking great right as she is waking up is so lame. I’d like to see what you slobs look like first thing in the morning. The picture was exactly what it was. A picture of a woman waking up without hair or makeup.

    • uh, not quite up to speed yet are ya?

      The post on that topic appeared Dec. 31. Must have been one hell of a New Years party that you attended. Congrats on emerging from the resulting coma… more or less.

    • asdf

      Without the 10 pounds of make-up, she literally looks like a man. I saw an old clip of her with blonde hair, she looked like on of the Hanson brothers – and not the cute girly one.

  29. Katy Perry Russell Brand
    Commented on this photo:

    They are seeing a counselor at Russell’s request primarily for his eroding self-esteem issues.

    Apparently this is her orgasm face.

  30. Bucky Barnes

    Is that Jack Kevorkian behind her? Only one suicide doc and so many deserving celebs… (sigh)

  31. Katy Perry Russell Brand
    Commented on this photo:

    another girl disapointed by looking at Perry’s vagina.

  32. Katy Perry Russell Brand
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s actually a pretty good Jay Leno impression.

  33. Timothy Leary in the back is wanting to photobomb, but like the rest of us he can’t figure out what the fuck is going on either.

  34. Katy Perry Russell Brand
    Commented on this photo:

    No tits? Disapointed

  35. Katy Perry Russell Brand
    Commented on this photo:

    Harrison Ford is not amused.

  36. Katy Perry Russell Brand
    Cardinal Fang
    Commented on this photo:

    I can almost see Perry’s hairy!

  37. Andrew

    Russell Brand… This is all the therapy you need to get the marriage back on track: http://thechive.files.wordpress.com/2010/09/katy-perry-1.gif

  38. Bottom line… I hope you get a shot, Fish.

  39. Katy Perry Russell Brand
    Terri Schiavo
    Commented on this photo:

    Nice photo. The moment Russel Brand turned on the vibrating egg she has inside her.

  40. joe

    And the countdown to their divorce begins. What’s the over under? 1 year? 2 years?

  41. MLVC

    is anyone surprised by this?? maybe john mayer will finally get to eat her ass..i cannot stand the site of either one of them…maybe they should have been in the air on 9/11

  42. Katy Perry Russell Brand
    Commented on this photo:

    just because they are seeing a counselor doesn’t mean their marriage is in trouble. all married couples should see a counselor regularly, it’s good for the marriage.

  43. Katy Perry Russell Brand
    Commented on this photo:

    Not shocked. She is a vapid retard and Russell, as anyone who has actually watched his stand-up, is a really smart, bright guy. Too bad he’s shallow. Hopefully he’ll divorce her stupid ass and can find a woman who can stimulate his brain as well as his dick. I doubt Katy does either.

  44. Katy Perry Russell Brand
    Commented on this photo:

    Here’s what it look like when ducks make a duck face.

  45. Katy Perry Russell Brand
    Commented on this photo:

    So true docsub, just because you see an undertaker doesn’t mean someone has died, yet.

  46. In a related story, I just sprained my jaw yawning.

  47. If they split Katy’s going to need to douche with pinesol or maybe napalm to kill all the bacteria Russell has spread.

  48. Katy Perry Russell Brand
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m madly in love with the “QUE?!” face on the guy in the background.

  49. Katy Perry Russell Brand
    Commented on this photo:

    Her ‘two seconds before swallowing’ face, I presume.

  50. one legged

    russell is a crack head..

    heroin is like heaven compared to crack…

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