Katie Holmes + Tom Cruise = Trial separation 4ever

Katie Holmes wants to move to New York City with Suri – but not Tom. She’s been offered a role in the Broadway revival of All My Sons and doesn’t want Tom ass-raping her theater career like he did with her film career. Star reports:

“She desperately needs to be on her own for a while, but there’s no way Tom is going to let her take Suri away,” an insider tells Star. “There’s no way he’ll allow it. He just doesn’t want Katie — or Suri — out of his sight for long. He told her that if she goes to New York, fine, but he goes with her.”
Further, the couple’s tug of war over their daughter has intensified as of late.
“Tom wants to call all the shots when it comes to Suri,” says an insider. “He has a lot of rules, and there’s conflict.”

The Superficial has obtained some of Tom’s rules for Suri. Many Bothans died bringing us this information. God, they suck at espionage…:

1. Hugs require an E-meter reading of Clear. After that it’s $1,000 for a hug and an additional $500 for a “How’s daddy little girl?” An “I love you” is $750. No personal checks.

2. When Uncle John calls, tell him Daddy is in the shower watching Battlefield Earth. Promptly let him in upon his arrival. He’ll be in a hurry.

3. Please stay within 100 yards of Daddy. Otherwise the bomb I inserted at birth will go off. Because he hearts his little L. Ron clone-princess! Smooches!