Katie Holmes – who has almost never been seen since giving birth to Suri back in April – was spotted on vacation in Telluride, Colorado doing some shopping with one of her friends. Baby Suri was nowhere to be seen but before getting into the passenger seat of her Hummer H3 and heading home she told Us Weekly:
Katie Holmes says Suri is doing great
July 12th, 2006 // 71 Comments
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Zanna | July 12, 2006 at 5:17 pm
Wow..for an earthy cruncy health store person to call a baby funny lookin’…damn that’s harsh.
mrs.t | July 12, 2006 at 5:19 pm
Funny-looking? That’s it? Powers of description apparently not so good in the natural-food-store clerks of Telluride. At least give us a “Gorbachev-Port-wine-stain”.
mrs.t | July 12, 2006 at 5:21 pm
And, Zanna, let me commend you on the absence of even a hint of “first” in your post. Take note children.
Zanna | July 12, 2006 at 5:22 pm
Maybe they were trying to be nice and didn’t want to come out and say WICKED RETTAAAAHDED.
Zanna | July 12, 2006 at 5:22 pm
Thank you mrs.T. I REFUSE to do that.
Nikk The Templar | July 12, 2006 at 5:40 pm
The cleck was probably high and mistook a gourd for Suri Cruise.
SuperSpence | July 12, 2006 at 5:45 pm
Since nobody will shut up about this little Suri brat I’ll just ‘fess up and tell you the truth: I ate her.
That’s right, I ate her. With a knife and a fork and olive oil caper sauce I’ve been perfecting over the past few years. To answer your questions: Yes, she was delicious, if a bit gamey and, no, I’m not the least bit ashamed or embarrassed. That li’l rugrat was the tastiest celeb infant I’ve devoured in years.
So there. Mystery solved. Hope you’re happy. Now can we shut up about it already.
tito | July 12, 2006 at 5:59 pm
My guess is Tom Cruise contintually slipped her drugs to make her believe he’s not crazy during the pregnancy and to make her to his unwillful bidding, and that kind of fucked up the baby’s look… like a crack baby, you know? So that’s why they don’t want anybody to see it.
And because it’s black.
krisdylee | July 12, 2006 at 6:13 pm
I’ve never understood the reasoning of “celebrities” who have babies and then always leave them with nannies or mannies. Perhaps people in the “celebrity” world are immune to the emotional attachment normal parents have towards their newborns. See, I had my babies, cuz in some weird way, I wanted to spend time with them, and be their provider. Strange and true.
Sister Morphine | July 12, 2006 at 6:21 pm
There is no baby. I’m convinced. Fake birth certificate, no pictures, no one has seen the baby……this could go down as the greatest Hollywood hoax of all time.
TCLTC.
L239 | July 12, 2006 at 6:44 pm
Well, considering the clerk’s comment, she could very well be just a Mr. Potato Head in a stroller.
ValeWolf | July 12, 2006 at 7:22 pm
That baby is not real. It’s just a hallucination due to so many times Tom cruise has been “audited” or whatever the stupid word is.
Digypoke | July 12, 2006 at 8:40 pm
it is incredible, so rich being with clothing also ugly !!
http://www.lezlife.com
hafaball | July 12, 2006 at 10:12 pm
Yeah the baby is back home, the problem is, it’s all alone. Scientology babies are like deer, they have to learn everything in the first ten minutes of their lives, and if they don’t, they’re shunned from society.
BoutrosBoutrosGhali | July 12, 2006 at 10:35 pm
FAKE FAKE FAKE FAKE FAKE
TrannyGranny | July 12, 2006 at 10:52 pm
Ok, fuck tards;
I used to live in Telluride, in the not to distant past. The town is built in a box-canyon, with one road in, and is so small that I personally have witnessed a fight between my bad-ass dog and General Norman Schartzkoffs over-rated Shephard (the General is a cool cat, by the way) My old roommate knows Sylvester Stallone (dick). I have personally pissed on EVERY door to Oprahs 7-level, ski-out shack (true, and more gratifying than you could imagine). There is no way in fucking hell that only one clerk would have seen the baby, it is physically impossible.
Basically, this is BULLSHIT.
CruisingForCock | July 12, 2006 at 10:54 pm
Lady, that is one ugly baby. Maybe in a few years she’ll be a knockout but there is no reason to subject people to her now. And the tuna is fresh and on sale today, please visit the seafood counter.
TrannyGranny | July 12, 2006 at 11:27 pm
17 Cruisin;
Jesus, hottie, you need some DICK! Get some!
And I don’t mind my tuna marinated, just a little.
eXtasyStef | July 12, 2006 at 11:42 pm
This is the most screwed up think I’ve seen in a while. Either TomKat are both such major attention whores they’ll do anything to stay in the headlines, even lock their baby in a dog kennel, or it’s all crap.
Ramdonomo | July 12, 2006 at 11:43 pm
16: Exactly.
If not, it sounds like the clerk just wanted some tabloid attention and should be a lil upset that their name wasn’t mentioned anywhere. Seriously, how lame do you have to be to call some baby that NO ONE has seen ‘funny looking’.
More than one person has to have seen this child. Give me a break.
scamps | July 12, 2006 at 11:46 pm
When the baby is actually a sack of flour, of course people are going to think it’s funny-looking.
Jade | July 13, 2006 at 12:15 am
I am thinking that the reason nobody has seen Suri is because something is wrong with her. Possibly a birth defect of some sort. It would account for the “funny looking” comment.
Either that, or Tom and ‘Kate’ are trying to quietly go through a divorce.
Getitstraight | July 13, 2006 at 12:18 am
They asked for an immediate passport 16 days after the “baby” was supposedly born. They are probably going to go overseas to buy a cute one then pass it off as their own.
Either that or “Kate” was impregnated with the sperm of the late Ron Hubbard and the kid looks like E.T. No matter what it ain’t Tom’s because you all know TCLTC.
Getitstraight | July 13, 2006 at 12:22 am
Katie had to go to Telluride because it’s the only place to go at this time of the year where you can get all bundled up and no one can see how fat you still are. My God her legs look like fucking tree trunks.
Nyzaaaah | July 13, 2006 at 1:21 am
Katie’s “friend” looks a lot like fellow Scientologist and John Travolta’s beard, Kelly Preston.
Is the girl even allowed to have her own friends anymore?
Italian Stallion | July 13, 2006 at 3:25 am
I wonder if the Red Hot Chilli Peppers wrote that song “Take it on the other side” about Tom Cruise.
“How looooooooong, How loooooooong, will I try, to hide my gay priiiiiiiiiiide, I don’t, I don’t think it is faiiiiiiiiir, slit my throat so no one knows I’m gaaaaaaaaaaaaay, I love to take it on thee other side!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lala | July 13, 2006 at 3:42 am
#25 The question of Baby Suri’s existence, combined with Kelly Preston’s appearance as a object of desire in a Maroon 5 video, has me very, VERY afraid of what Scientology can do to you.
EvilJenna | July 13, 2006 at 3:53 am
#12 – The word you’re looking for is ‘sodomized.’
RichPort | July 13, 2006 at 8:34 am
Did she say the baby’s doing great or tasted great?
#7 Priceless!
jrzmommy | July 13, 2006 at 9:18 am
It looks like her “friend” (aka Scientologist Handler) is saying, “We’re going to go into this little candle shop over here so get ready…Don’t fuck this up again, Kate…..say it with me…The Baby is Back at the House…say it….”
pop | July 13, 2006 at 9:21 am
not to mention, it’s also been reported that she’s pregnant again…wonder what Tom’s boyfriend thinks of this?
http://popculturepundit.blogspot.com/2006/07/tomkat-pregnant-again.html
jFp | July 13, 2006 at 9:23 am
survey says…………………………………………………………………………the kid is Black.
jrzmommy | July 13, 2006 at 9:34 am
I’m tellin ya….they’re going to go for the sympathy vote and say the reason we didn’t take the baby public was because she was very sick and now she has died. If there is really a baby, I wish it no harm–in fact, I wish it a set of foster parents FAST–but that’s how they’re going to get away with this shit…..then Tom will be this pitiable grieving father and Kate this tragic mother, the grief was too much for them to sustain a relationship and SURPRISE—they split up.
Let’s keep vocalizing all the possible scenarios on how all this will work out so they have to keep coming up with fresh ideas. “Shit, we can’t use THAT one….someone else said it…..think of something else….”
jFp | July 13, 2006 at 10:00 am
I heard the kid looked like Mr Hat.
Xanthia | July 13, 2006 at 10:02 am
Every time I think of this child, my brain immediately throws up the image from Batman Returns of the Penguin as a child reaching his flipper out of the cage to grab the cat……maybe it was actually a clerk at a pet store and Katie was there to buy mice to feed the kid.
sharkbite | July 13, 2006 at 10:03 am
Even if the baby isn’t made of brown plastic, it could still very well look like Mr. Potato-Head, all things considered.
http://www.wehateeverybody.com
Jacq | July 13, 2006 at 10:15 am
#34 – You mean, like, with Tom’s hand up her ass?
GracieLou | July 13, 2006 at 10:19 am
Hey guys,
Has everyone forgotten that Suri does have grandparents??? Katie comes from Toledo, Ohio. It has been told she has been back there since Suri has been born. Wouldn
happy_bunny | July 13, 2006 at 10:35 am
Don’t tell me, Holmes is one of those pseudoenvironmentalists who takes an H3 4 blocks down the road to the “natural goods” store.
twzzlrgirl | July 13, 2006 at 11:04 am
#35. You could have stopped after “throws up.” And, instead of “child,” insert Tom and Katie.
Not that my brain has ever thrown up, but if it could, this would be the time.
carrie bradshaw | July 13, 2006 at 11:06 am
I’m just waiting for Cruise to hold a huge press conference to introduce Suri to the world and they come out pushing a stroller. They slowly pull back the blanket to reveal her face but then instead Ashton Kutcher comes jumping out and yells into the camera “America, you just got PUNKED!! HAHAHA!!” All the while Tom and Katie will be standing there clapping and laughing hysterically and saying “this is the best Punked ever!!!” It’s the only thing that would make sense at this point.
jrzmommy | July 13, 2006 at 11:08 am
That’s a good one, 41…and I’m glad you posted it because now they can’t use it.
hendero | July 13, 2006 at 11:20 am
this whole mystery’s called Suri-gate, right?
lisad71 | July 13, 2006 at 11:29 am
Maybe the clerk saw a real Suri, which looks like a llama! If Katie, oh excuse me, Kate, was ever pregnant I think one of two things happened. The baby was stillborn or died at birth. Or it was born with some type of birth defect. God knows pillow biter Tom probably wouldn’t let her have prenatal vitamins let alone screenings for birth defects. Even Michael Jackson, the freak that he is, showed off little Blanket by dangling him over a balcony.
Weez_theunemployable | July 13, 2006 at 11:30 am
It’s Satan’s Baby!!!!!!!!!!
jane's eyre | July 13, 2006 at 11:39 am
They’re just worried that we won’t be loving and accepting of an alien child. And they’re right.
lovelylola | July 13, 2006 at 11:51 am
Is that Kelly Preston is the pic with her?
Spindoc | July 13, 2006 at 11:56 am
Hey, Tom paid GOOD MONEY for that phoney girlfriend and this baby. He don’t want no FUNNY LOOKIN baby.
UNWASHEDMASSES | July 13, 2006 at 12:16 pm
No one’s seen Suri because she is so perfect, so Thetan free, that she literally is invisible. The calculated mating of two prime specimens of scientological beings, long foretold by the master L. Ron Hubbard, has yielded the wonder of our ages – a completely spiritual child! And what, you may ask, will this great endeavor accomplish? We don’t quite know… they’ve misplaced her and since she is not composed of matter they can’t seem to find her. In secret, they’ve checked everywhere using thermal imaging scanners and infrared goggles – Tom’s boyfriend’s house, Chris Klein’s pad, John Travolta’s asshole – everywhere Tom and Katie frequent or have been in the past. And still nothing. An anxious world, longing for a messiah for the new millenium, waits in darkness and dwindling hope…
liljbabe85 | July 13, 2006 at 1:53 pm
She looks pretty damn good for someone who just had a baby. *wink*