Katie Holmes preparing for silent birth

March 28th, 2006 // 108 Comments

*katie_holmes_silent_birth.jpgKatie Holmes is reportedly gearing up for the silent birth of her first child after Scientologists were spotted carrying signs into her home, reminding her to keep quiet during labor. On Monday, huge placards saying, “Be silent and make all physical movements slow and understandable,” were carried into the couple’s home to remind Holmes to deal with the extreme pain of childbirth quietly.

Like Tom Cruise, I’m all for making women suffer as much as humanly possible during childbirth. You know – strobe lights, false fire alarms, the doctor screaming “It’s a monster!” every few minutes. Sure, it may not serve any “medical purpose”, but I don’t see what that has to do with anything.


  1. krisdylee

    aahh, I can’t leave this alone… first of all, no man has any right to tell a woman how to birth a baby.. like women would never know what it feels like to be kicked in the balls… (and that’s just what should happen to that idiot)and secondly, don’t most cults prefer to be out of the public eye, lest people realise how kooky they all are???

    Run, run away, Katie, as fast as you can.

  2. krisdylee

    BTW, babies that are held, cuddled, nursed, spoken to and loved right after birth are more alert, more bonded to the mother, and generally cry less. Stick that in your crazy pipe and smoke it, you freaky bastard Tom…
    (I speak from experience, 2 natural births…)

  3. Bellisima

    #15- I have decided along with a group of friends that I am not supporting ANY of these freaks or any of their movies etc.It is the only form of protest I can make which is not to make them any wealthier.I can live without MI3 that’s for sure!!!

  4. nini

    godspeed katie, wait, are you aloud to say that

  5. nini

    #48 i liked Leah Remini, don’t tell me she is a freak as well.

    how do you not speak to your child after it is born

  6. PapaHotNuts

    If Tom Cruise’s vagina was functinal (instead of just cosmetic), maybe he could silenty birth the mutant. Regardless, I hope she screams like a horror film extra, except she won’t die quickly from a chainsaw incident. She will die slowly from Tom Cruise destroying her will to live with the power of total lunacy never seen before on this planet.

  7. Equalparts

    Rock on Scientology! I don’t think that you people are realizing the full weight of silent-birth potential here….who knows–silent birthing–providing a peaceful, quiet entry onto this planet for the goodness of the soul could prevent weird humans from popping up with weird religions with weird belief sys—of wait. Uh. Nevermind.

  8. whackjob

    These freakin people need signs?!?


    This has all the makings of several hilarious episodes of South Park, or a recurring theme in the next stupid (but really funny) puppet movie.

  9. SpiderMomma

    Okay…like we all really need MORE proof that this cult is wacked out. Haven’t watched a Tom Cruise movie in years, so thats covered. Seriously, she’s an adult and if this crazy road is the one she chose, so be it. I just worry about the kid.

    As for silent birth? Bullshit! Not surprised that this came from a man. I think we need a period of time for role reversals. Let’s see men go through childbirth. What do you think ladies?

  10. and the end of her career…

  11. #56 PapaHotNuts, welcom back. F-ing hilarious.

    Also I agree with #53, I’ve seen both MI 1 and MI 2 and there is no way in Hell I’m going to se MI 3.

  12. Good Lord! What kind of religion is that?!

    Do men have to be silent when passing kidney stones?

  13. Bellisima

    #56 -Tom Cruise has a vagina?? Is that why they think he is a bone smoocher???

  14. Zed

    #63. Yes, Tom Cruise has a vagina. And this surprises you?

    Who has time to read SIGNS when one is in the throes of childbirth? If that’s the case, tomorrow I’m sneaking a sign into the Cruise mansion that says “YOU ALL ARE INSANE and TOM HAS A VAGINA.” I just know it will be effective. But for what, I don’t know…

  15. playahater101

    #55, yes she is a scientologist. A high up scientologist. Here’s a listing of the other celeb nutjobs, I mean scientologists. In case anyone’s interested and wants to boycott their movies/shows.


  16. Bellisima

    #64- I was only trying to not get sued by calling him a bone smoocher which I did not call him.

  17. Jayne

    thanks for the list #65

    Giovanni Ribisi is a wacko too?!

  18. Maeve97

    I am really, REALLY trying to understand scientology, so that I can try to figure out what the hell these people are talking about. I’m reading about it but I just can’t figure out how anyone could believe this crap.
    Can anyone at all explain to me the benefits of being a scientologist?
    My dad told me he knew some drug addict in college, that kicked the habit due to scientology…but that’s the only positive thing I’ve heard.

  19. Cocacola Sorrow

    Perhaps, so Tom Cruise can empathise with poor Katie, while she “silently” gives birth, we should repeatedly kick Tom in the testicles and ask to be silent and not take painkillers.

  20. QOTD


  21. Elusive Spork

    Personally I’m waiting for Katie’s father to kick Tom Cruise right in the testicles for f-in up the gene pool with his little girl.

    And the whole leave the baby alone for days… umm… couldn’t that be considered neglect?!?!?!? o_0?

  22. Zed

    #63 and #66

    Call Tom whatever you want, he’s going to sue all our sorry butts no matter what.

    That bone smoocher … with a vagina.


  23. Bellisima

    #72 -lol.

  24. bunnyhugger

    in a nutshell, what i read was that babies are not to be given medical (“poked and prodded”) tests or spoken to for 7 days. personally, my take on this is that a baby not allowed to bond w/ mom is an easy mark for the “we are your new family” brainwashing later in life. as for medical testing, i believe it is the law in most states.

    btw, glad to see papahotnuts back!!

  25. bunnyhugger

    also i should add the scientologists are gearing up for a new “drug rehab” center (narconon) VERY near my home.
    i’m scared shitless.

    *crawls into corner and sucks thumb*

  26. rmeno

    #22 Yeah, Tom has done “a lot” of ultrasounds on his baby…in an interview he stated that he actually purchased a top of the line sonograph machine while Katie is pregnant to monitor the baby himself…he plans to donate it to a hospital after the birth of the baby.

  27. gammanormids


  28. Wi_Screenwriter

    Katie is way too good for Cruise. I guess she can’t see past his pretty face. Although, according to one website, Katie told the closet homosexual that she wants nothing to do with this “Silent Birth.”


  29. Happily his 2 other children are not its descendants, but that will be one… in the case or it is not another one who did it for him.
    also hope for that this child does not sink, him, in the scientology


  30. je me demande quand les star vont envisager l’achat d’enfants en supermarch

  31. I wonder when the star will consider the purchase of children in supermarket not to damage their bodies… You know, of the perfect children, with perfect faces, perfect studies, a perfect marriage, a perfect sexuality and large wallets…of course


  32. Dee

    silent and birth. 2 words that NEVER go together LOL oh boy what did this girl get herself in to?? I wonder what her family thinks about all this….

  33. URalllosers

    “Silent birth”?!?!?!

    Why can’t all Scientologists just be silent all the time. Those that want to act can be mimes, YEAH!!!

  34. Please, someone……anyone……take out Tom Cruise! I want that fucker to disappear so bad that if murder wasn’t illegal, I’d take care of that gay little turd myself.

  35. lohans8ball

    You all are being so totally unfair!! Tom is silent when taking large objects and/or dry penises in his pooper (take it from me, I’m in him now and nothing.. its awesome!) so WHY shouldn’t Katie be quiet as her vagina is tearing?? C’mon people THINK! Scientology is a very worthwhile compliment to ones life and if some businessman/wacko decides to make up his own damn religion then why the hell not believe every damn word that man says?? Xanu bless you all!

  36. missjackson

    Scientology is the BIGGEST bunch of bull I have ever heard of. And now Silent Birth. Please… I hope Katie screams her head off and then has a case of post-partum depression and needs serious medication. What now Tom? Is this nonsense why Nicole divorced you? Ouch.

  37. Tracy

    TOM: OK, now Katie, quiet down… push silently now. Quiet. Quiet…


    …so much for silent birth.

  38. playahater101

    #78 maybe the brainwashing is wearing off and that is why he’s been dragging he rto the center so much. I wouldn’t let those freaks near my baby either. I hope she becomes like a mother lion and bites anyone who tries to touch her new baby.

  39. Don'tPanic

    Maeve97- kicking one habit for another is not all that positive. What’s the point of quitting smack when your mind is being controlled by alien worshipping weirdos?

  40. boredatwurk

    The no-contact with baby rule is pretty scary.

    When women first give birth they can sometimes start hemorraging because their uterus won’t shrink. The first thing you do in these situations is have the woman start breastfeeding because it contracts the uterus. There is something physiological about this bond that can save the woman’s life.

    I think that right there says novels about how important it is to let the mother have her child with her.

  41. CocoNutz

    Ah, NOW it makes sense…. that Nicole Kidman chose to adopt!!

    Maybe, just maybe, Katie will be overcome with horrible post partum depression and wind up KILLING Cruise when he tells her to “take her vitamins and all will be well.” There… problem solved!

  42. Libraesque

    My question is where the fuck are her parents during all this nonsense? What mother in their right mind would let her daughter and first grandchild suffer through this. What is the purpose of isolating a newborn, has anyone read about it? It goes against everything natural about the mother/child bonding. How traumatizing for a newborn to be abandoned. I think THAT would cause irreparable damage down the line. BTW #91, the reason T.C. and Nicole adopted is because they didn’t have sex their entire marriage. it was a contract marriage. When she mis-carried, it wasn’t his, it was from an affair, that’s why he divorced her

  43. maiira

    I think everyone else has basically said everything I’ve wanted to say, so I’ll just be all repetitive and say this: Anyone foolish enough to tell ME to be quiet during childbirth would quickly find themselves missing a lesser body part. If by “lesser” I mean “vital” and by “body part” I mean “trachea.”

  44. HughJorganthethird

    T.C. is so lucky. When my wife gave birth she was so loud I could barely hear Jim Rome over all the racket.

  45. Rrks85

    I still say we all make “Hail xenu” shirts.

  46. bloody hell!!
    why on earth is she not allow to make a sound?

    sigh..poor katie…

  47. Badgering_the_Witless

    Tom has already been banned from reality…believing in L Ron SCRUBBOARD’s phony scientology ‘n bad science fiction writing…the day that couch jumpin weasel births a child we’d see who was screamin’…..too bad he can’t carry the kid….wonder what the kids thetan level will be…..silent birth….pffttttttt.only if I was in a coma.

  48. j-j

    I don’t know if this will squash this rumor any and i’m by no means a Tom Cruise fanatic, but he did say the story about the silent birth was bullshit. I mean I guess that it exists in the Scientology handbook (along with theton levels and other crap) but they NOT doing THAT. In fact that story is old, I remember him saying that MONTHS AGO.

  49. kpatton

    It just proves my contention that most of the people in Hollywood are suffering from some form of mental disorder. How can you account for the success of scientology otherwise? Add that to the weird behaviour, the totally unexplainable meltdown of so many, the nervous exhaustion, the drug use abuse and overdoses? I lived with one for 5 years and I see the symptoms in alot of the behaviour I see in our “Celebs”. Hell most of them couldn’t hold down a real job for that very reason. You have millions of $ but you engage in self destructive substance abuse and or risky hehaviour that could take it all away? That is not normal mental health by any definition…

  50. TLCoyote

    I’ve got a whole cabinet full of post-partem meds, ya know, just in case Katie finally wakes up and realizes she’s just popped out L. Ron Hubbard’s demon seed. Oh, and that she’s been gratuitously PDA-ing ad nauseam with one of biggest closet cases in H’wood.

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