Katie Holmes now Kate Holmes

April 28th, 2006 // 296 Comments

kate-holmes-name-change.jpgWith the help of Tom Cruise’s brilliant guidance, Katie Holmes has changed her name to Kate. After discussing the subject of names, the two decided her Christian name “Katie” sounded too young for a 27-year-old and she would now be known to friends and family as “Kate.” Tom says:

“Katie is a young girl’s name. Her name is Kate now


  1. LilJenny


    John Holmes. Katie Holmes (now Kate). Think Tom thought she was related and would have a giant schlong as well?

  2. boredmilf

    She had an epidural

  3. Cb4dbeach

    #3, #24…I think your’e right, SF is getting back to its old humor. I’ve noticed it over the past few days as well. Keep it up SF

  4. chanel_bear


    KATIE: Tom, I’m really not in the mood right now, can you just please…

    TOM: Hey! who calls the shots in this realtionship? And remember, your name is Kate now.

    KATIE: What?

    TOM: We already talked about this, and by ‘we’ I mean I already told the media.

    KATIE: But I don’t want to be called Kate…

    TOM: And I don’t want to be a closeted homosexual, but we don’t always get what we want in life

  5. HollyJ

    *blink* He’s closeted ??

  6. MiamiGoldenPantherr

    Just leave them alone people !!!!

  7. chanel_bear


    he thinks he is

  8. Seriously, the government should step in or something. This is getting ridiculous.

  9. tsarinaamanda

    @ 38:

    Don’t forget “kidney scraper” and “old slimy”

  10. ora

    Well, Tom Cruise is also not the best name in the world. And he knows it. Ideal name would be and will be, starting from tomorrow EDNA CRUISE.


    We all know that Edna LOVES THE COCK

  11. Queen Eva


    I don’t know, I was never pregnant…

    but even after having an epidural, don’t it still hurt? I mean, what could she have done, keep her mouth shut, breathe normally, and let tears quietly smoothly run down her face?

  12. Queen Eva

    Whoops, I mean “won’t it still hurt..” Typo in my last post.

  13. LilJenny

    Epidurals rock, but they don’t numb your vocal cords

  14. chanel_bear

    you know while we’re on the subject of changing names for the sake of relevance, can we change his name to ‘cock loving crazy scientologist man’?????

    think about it, it has potential.

  15. tarjamarja

    Katie ought to kick Tom’s balls, grab the baby and run like hell!

    That’s what I would do.

  16. Raven34/41

    And having your baby’s name mean “pickpocket” in aother language is better? ok…..

    RUN, Katie, RUN!

  17. megana

    dear #56 (aka “miamigoldenpantherr”)

    how can we “leave them alone”
    when Kate’s flown into the danger zone?

    riddle me that.

  18. boredmilf


    I got an epidural… I could have fell asleep waiting for the doctor to deliver my baby – didn’t feel a thing.

  19. monkeywithnoeyes

    #47 lol i see it was wasted on you, supposed to be funny as according to Mr Cruise, only babies are called Katie

  20. Raven34/41

    #69- why so bitchy? And why don’t you proof your post. Doesn’t make much sense.

  21. Pearly

    I love how it’s Tom making this announcement. Asshole. Has she actually given an interview on her own since they “hooked up” or he drugged her drink or whatever? I still think that this baby is in better hands than Britneys.

  22. ellaminnowpea

    @ 44 — No — no one will see the baby for a while because the baby was actually born months ago….so we’ll all have to wait for time to pass — which is why TC is EXTRA pissed at Brooke for having her baby the same day and supposedly near the same weight because we’ll see Brooke’s baby and be able to compare it with the 3 month older baby of Kate & Chris! We’re on to him…….

  23. BigEyedFish

    #69 Refer to post 36. And what’s your name, old lady? Ethel? or better yet, Edna? It’s nothing personal to me, but it seems to bother you more than it should. Get a clue.

  24. ellaminnowpea

    TCLTC!!! he’s all up on that!!!

  25. CruisingForCock

    56 We can’t leave them alone. We wish we could. God knows we have tried. He is everywhere. Check your closet – I’ll bet he is in there now.

  26. Code58


    The Cock Loves Tom Cruise!

  27. halliballou

    Katie Couric seems to have done just fine keeping her “girl” name.

  28. Tatamo


  29. BarbadoSlim

    It’s good that Tom has started this whole “meaning of names according to different cultures debate”, specially since Tom Cruise means: “he who loves the cock up his ass” in Canadian.

  30. gogoboots

    I think Tom should change his name to Thomas, being that Tom is the name of an immature, boorish, macho, sexist man who is a fucking idiot.

  31. chanel_bear

    is anybody else just waiting for the day he announces to the world he’s started his own cult…er, um….i mean religion? one where all the men are named Tom, and the Women have to be named Kate. And all the sofas have to be yellow….

  32. che1964

    Well, it was just easier for her to change her name than for Tom to repaint his P-51 Mustang from “Kiss Me Kate” to “Kiss Me Katie”.

  33. DonLes91

    Oh relax. With Tom’s track record with women, Kate will be Katie somewhere between two and ten years. Just ask Nicole or Penelope. He loves the cock too m uch to spend to much time on one chick.

  34. mamacita

    Why can’t they be like all the other cults and live in a commune until they go on their mass murder spree? At least that way, we would have peace and quiet until they started the killing.

  35. lilystar

    Hmm well I had an epidural but it mostly wore off before I delivered so I felt plenty, it depends how long you’re in labor etc.

    I hope she screamed her head off.

    Only thing for certain is TCLTC.

  36. BarbadoSlim

    …and then you have to jump on those yellow sofas, don’t forget that #81 , and beat up on Matt Lauer as part of the initiation….buuuut , to get to the top level of enlightenment, after all the toil and sacrifice you have to accept:

    THE COCK as your eternal reward.

  37. Italian Stallion

    #78 she already has balls, why do think their together…….

  38. diedl

    #71 – I’m not so sure. Yes, physically, the baby is probably better taken care of, but the brainwashing and mental assault that baby’s gonna have to deal with . . .I pity the poor thing.

  39. ora

    So in TCLTC “TC” means “Tom Cruise” and “The Cock” and one has 4 ways to combine those..brilliant!

    Anyway, there’s theory in my head: probably some drugs were used in hospital and this was written to book (which is held by crazy sci.church) by monitoring-thetan nr.12090125456454. To clean he’s and her name TC decided to change name of his new woman-like-machine, from Katie to Kate in atempt to confuse future bookkeepers to think that this older,not approved, human-medicine-using “Katie” maschine is/was altogether different from newer “Kate” model which will approved to OT-3 level soon.

    Can Mr. Hubbard approve this above theory?

  40. hotintempe

    Im glad shes going by Kate, Katie sounds too immature.

  41. ellaminnowpea

    ….so like Nicole being in the Stepford Wives was a cry out to everyone how her life was? it was a waste of film saved only by Christopher Walken!

  42. ellaminnowpea

    I’d drink champagne with him any day….or night………

  43. Zed

    Katie: Tom, I’m so depressed since the baby was born. And because of our sexless marriage.

    Tom: Be quiet and take a bunch of these vitamins, Kate.

    Katie: But my name is Katie…

    Tom: Xenu said I must change your name to Kate. You’re now Kate. Hail Xenu, forever our Ruler.

    Katie: Oh Tom, let’s kiss even though there are no paparazzi around!

    Tom: Sorry, no Kate. How skeevy a thought is that? Whew! Yuck! What are you trying to do to me? Kill me?

    Katie: But Tom …

    Tom: And how many times have I told you to call me Mr. Cruise when we’re not in front of any sort of camera or recording device, digital or otherwise, still or motion picture… Huh?

    I bet THAT conversation’s not far from the truth! :)

  44. Edna Bambrick

    Email I received from Superficial:

    You were banned because other commenters were really uncomfortable with
    your threats of reporting them to the FBI, etc. I’ll get you unbanned,
    but you’re gonna have to stop with the threats because it makes people
    afraid to speak.

    ednabambrick@yahoo.com wrote:
    > Name: Edna Babmrick

    Well, I am uncomfortable with all the disgusting posts on this board. How can I be banned when I am the only person not posting vulgarities! I will clean up the internet. I will keep REPORTING!

  45. Cairde

    Giggles, I think you are on to something. Mr. Cruise/Mapother was, before he became an actor and spokesperson for an even more sexually repressive organization, preparing to enter the Catholic priesthood.

    Now, as we’ve all been made aware since the sex scandals erupted–and the Vatican started pinning the sexual abuse on gays in the clergy–many Catholic used to send their kids to seminary in the hope that it would “correct” their “inherently disordered nature.” Something tells me being subjected to two highly controlling environments since his adult life started seriously fucked up Cruise. Hence, the crazy.

  46. BigJim

    I used to be BigJimmy, but Tom made me change it. He said if I didn’t he’d beat my skull in with an e-meter.

  47. BigJim


    Go ahead and report me, Edna. It doesn’t make me the least bit uncomfortable. What does make me uncomfortable is thinking about you naked.

    Naked and ramming a crucifix into your naughty parts while saying, “Come into me, oh Lord. Make me come, oh Lord.”

    Ewww! I’ve gotta go wash out my brain now.

  48. Zed

    Here are some statistics for you:

    There are over 1 billion people who use the Internet, and they posted 550 billion documents between 2000 and 2005. In 2005 alone, 11.5 billion Web pages were posted. In North America, 227,303,680 users of the Internet posted in 2005.

    Get real, Edna. If you continue to complain about the disgusting posts on just ONE Web site, the Superficial, you will never accomplish your stated goal of cleaning up the Internet, now will you?

    Better move on. You’ve got a lot of work to do if you plan to continue on your course! Git. Really, git.

  49. micky

    In the words of Homer J.,

    Edna, go suck a Bible.

  50. I thought you guys were suppose to be quick, I saw this post on a NYC site yesterday, with the same headline


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