Katie Holmes now Kate Holmes

April 28th, 2006 // 296 Comments

kate-holmes-name-change.jpgWith the help of Tom Cruise’s brilliant guidance, Katie Holmes has changed her name to Kate. After discussing the subject of names, the two decided her Christian name “Katie” sounded too young for a 27-year-old and she would now be known to friends and family as “Kate.” Tom says:

“Katie is a young girl’s name. Her name is Kate now


  1. pinky_nip

    Pinky’s first again! TCLTC

  2. Fisher55

    2nd (don’t be jealous)

  3. Fisher55

    *finally* SF writes a funny blurb, btw (right?)

  4. pinky_nip

    I’m afraid Tom will be instructing me that Pinky is to immature and I should just be called Pink. Even though there’s a fat singer with that name.

  5. Oscar

    It would be funny if the SF guy was Tom Cruise

  6. bigfatmomma

    Next- hebrew scholars expalin that “kate” does not mean child-bearing woman, but “recepticle of alien invasion of earth”

    tom cruise should stop naming people. seriously

  7. pinky_nip

    I’m wit you. Anything that has “prosthetic penis” in it just leads to hilarity.

  8. pinky_nip

    There’s such a ring to the name “Kate Cruise”. Sounds like a discounted cruise line.

  9. Binky

    She’s been shrinking for their pictures for ages – might as well shrink her name as well.
    Or maybe change it to ‘John the Wad’ to keep the Tomster in line.

  10. HollyJ

    I hope he’s had her microchipped so he can find her if she gets out of the cell.

  11. brimanp

    i thought kate was a man why would he need a prosthetic

  12. argh, he is so weird and controlling! Why can’t she tells us she has changed her name? maybe it is because of the gag Tom has permanently placed in her mouth?
    totally unrelated topic…check out these lego people having sex: excellent!

  13. Sister Morphine

    Tom Cruise needs to die.

    BTW, he also loves the cock.

  14. gossipgirl

    This situation just keeps getting stranger by the day. Part of me feels sorry for “Kate”. She was probably psyched to think that Tom Cruise was into her. None of us knew he was crazy back then. But sweet Jesus! THIS is exactly why you date someone for a while before you get engaged/have alien babies! Good lesson for all us gals.

  15. spatz

    just when i thought we’d get a break from TC for a while….

    and thank god i was wrong! i love this guy. he is clinically insane and its delicious.

    Tom cruise loves the land-cock!

  16. Fisher55

    the Joey Potter I know & love would NEVER be in this fucked up situation…

  17. radio4play

    DAMN almost first!


    Seacrest out

  18. Fisher55

    Tom should’ve changed her name to “Rosemary…”

  19. Bruno Gerussi

    Thank you Satan for Tom Cruise. Just when you think he couldn’t be more of an idiot, along comes another bright idea. Keep ‘em coming, moron. And he loves the cock.

  20. BigEyedFish

    My name is Katie and I feel no need to change it because I am in my mid-twenties. I am ok with who I am. In my opinion, it’s just another PR mistake with those two. When will they stop making themselves media targets and laughing stocks of the entire world?

  21. Fisher55

    Well, grown-ups really *shouldn’t* be named Katie

  22. Sodomy_is_for_Girls

    I was in a Turkish bath house in Harlem once, and there was this short little white guy screaming about how much he loved the cock and how badly he wanted it, no! Needed it!
    I never thought much about it until now.

  23. Sodomy_is_for_Girls

    Oh yeah, it seems Superficial has hired back the funny writer. I mean, the past few days it keeps getting better. Almost up to old times.
    Anybody else notice that?

  24. pinky_nip

    Tom loves the cock so much he probably thinks he should breast feed the kid with it.

  25. monkeywithnoeyes

    i would of thought her name would be “shut up bitch!” as she must be used to him and her new “friends” calling her that by now throughout the birth

  26. Code58

    Tom, once again, proves that he has so much love for the cock, he can’t even bear it.

  27. monkeywithnoeyes

    #20 grow up woman!

  28. TaftHartley

    Breast feed the kid. LOL With the “Cruise Missile”

  29. jennifer11

    i would imagine after some time with tom cruise, you’d loose your sense of “i” as well.

  30. Dr.Rokter

    Tom: You need to change your name to “Kate”
    Katie: Why
    Tom: Because those SLIMY SLUGS in the media are going to do nothing but TELL LIES and spew vileness about how you’re not a real child-bearing woman.
    Katie: But I…
    Tom: They are just JEALOUS ppl who never get out from under their trailer homes and have NO LIFE.
    Katie: But why should I…
    Tom: They r soooo reamed out right now by that 12″.
    Katie: What the fuck…?

  31. I knoe how too spel

    Ok, first things first. TCLTC. Second, this picture is bizarre. They never have believable looking kisses, its always like he’s trying to swallow her head, or suck her soul out of her mouth. Yikes, that was a homoerotic sentence. Maybe I too love the cock.

  32. TheKimster

    he is just so gay

  33. CHUD

    I’m sure Kate made her own thoughful, independent and informed decision to heed the words of the Superior Enlightmentazoid.

  34. TaftHartley

    Next name change: L. Ronette Cruise

  35. spatz

    #30 i just sorta fell in love with you.

    i’m just sitting here at work waiting for her to make her triumphant slimy slugs comment.

  36. theyareidiots

    Will Tom Cruise also change the name of 40-something child-bearing (twice!) woman Katie Couric?

    Somehow that “young woman’s name” didn’t stop her from becoming the first female network news anchor.

  37. Italian Stallion

    “Katie got pregnant by a FAG named Tom who said he was in love”

    “Don’t worry about a thing Katie girl, I’m the QUEER you’ve been dreaming of”

    “Three months later, he said he wouldn’t kiss her or hold her hand in malls”

    “She swears Goddamn when she see’s her Tom, in a gay porn sucking on some BALLS”

    “God forbid we ever had to walk her latest shoes”

    “Tom Cruise loves the COCK, and that ain’t nothing new”

  38. HollyJ

    List of Tom’s favorite words: babymaker, beef, bell on a pole, bratwurst, cock, custard launcher, dick, dingle, ding dong, mcdork, dong, donger, dork, fang, ferret, fire hose, heat-seeking moisture missle, hose, Jimmy, John, John Thomas, joystick, knob, leaky hose, lingam, little Bob, little Elvis, longfellow, love muscle, manhood, meatsicle, member, middle stump, mushroomhead, mutton, old boy, one-eyed trouser snake, one-eyed monster, peepee, pecker, Percy, pole, ramrod, rod, sausage, schlong, schvonschtucker, tool, tickler, weener

  39. playahater101

    LOL!!!!!! That last line was too funny.

    He’s a scary man. He even sounds controlling. Like she has no voice at all. The only thing she can say is how he’s so amazing and she’s so in love. And I love his line “she’s a child-bearing woman”. you know he said that crap to her and she LOVED it. How annoying.

    He’s not even promoting his movie. He’s talking about the baby and stealing the spotlight. He’s doing the same thing for this movie that he did for War of the Worlds.

    This is eerily similar to Rosemary’s baby.

  40. LilJenny

    That is hilarious. I love how they made the lego guy look like John Holmes

  41. Libraesque

    Even if this came from her it still wouldn’t be believable, everyone knows that Scientology Brainwashing 101, page three talks all about convincing the subject to change his or her name to make a positive break from their former life. BTW we’re famous!!! Everything we , well really I, have been blogging about on this site re: TC is revealed in STAR MAGAZINE, check it out, but remmeber you heard it from me first!!!!

  42. Wow. Big differennce. Actually Kate Holmes sounds bad.

    like John holmes. Then agian, Cruise’s real name is William Mapother. Thats too gay sounding.

  43. Giggles

    Katie Holmes’s parents must be so disgusted with how their daughter’s life is going.

    First the ridiculous and numerous public displays of affection (what a good Catholic girl), then the out-of-wedlock pregnancy and child, and now the name change for a man who loves the ****. Tom should really dump the whole Scientology thing because he’d be right at home as a priest in the Catholic church.

  44. boredmilf

    Has anyone seen any pictures of their baby yet?

  45. Queen Eva

    I think she totally looks like a Katie. Come on, as long as she has that toothy smile, she will always be “young” looking.

  46. CruisingForCock


  47. Raven34/41

    #27- Pissed off that you are old? How should #20 have to grow up? She brought up a good point. Changing ones name is a bitch!

  48. LilJenny

    Any minute now, y’all are gonna get a tongue lashing from sherry-co.

    Wait for it

    Wait for it


  49. Queen Eva

    Did Tom Cruise ever say anything confirming that Katie really did have/do silent birth?

  50. boredmilf

    What sounds better yelled out in escastasy?? Katie ooo katie – or – kate aahhh kate
    I think Katie ooo Katie is way more fun.

Leave A Comment