Katie Holmes? More like Kevin Holmes (Get it? Because she looks like a boy.)

“Okay, stay cool, Katie. The scarf is working. So you forgot you had rehearsal today and had to run out of the apartment in your Tom clothes. You were caught up playing ‘The Ship’s Captain Meets the Young Stow Away Who is Definitely a Dude.’ There’s no crime in being a good wife. Er, partner. (Sorry, Tom!) Now act natural. You were in Mad Money, dammit, and you’re a pro. Man, I am really late. If they replace me with Maggie Gyllenhaal, I will seriously flip the fuck out. But quietly in my head or else the shock collar will go off. That thing stings like a bitchass.”

Photos: Splash News
Tags: Katie Holmes