Katie Holmes is a model now

January 16th, 2009 // 51 Comments

Realizing that snaggle-toothed vampires with hula-hoops are so last year, fashion house Miu Miu has chosen Katie Holmes to be their new spokesmodel because she’s a “luminous icon” of “mystery and theatricality.” (Read: We just want to hold Suri Cruise.) Now, I’m no art critic, but I’m pretty sure the flame Katie’s holding her hand in represents Tom Cruise for obvious reasons I won’t even get into; He loves S’mores. Ha, just kidding, he loves penis. Definitely penis.

Photos: Miu Miu

  1. P911GT10C

    Guh! Thank fuck she got topless in The Gift, at least we have that memory to go back to when we want to remember her as sexy.

  2. p0nk


  3. ph7

    She’s modeling the zombie-like existence of Scientology.

  4. Novice Nurse


    I just want to say that Katie looks posessed in both those pictures.

  5. Jrz

    Moo Moo? She’s a model for Moo Moo?

  6. miumiu. thats one of the characters in crouching tiger!

  7. Why would ANYONE pay her to be there spokesperson???

  8. TCLTC

    What? Why didn’t they feature her cold sores or crusty, bloody feet? Those are her best assets!

  9. CaptainMorgan

    Were these taken on the space ship? She really does look like a 13 year old boy cross dressing.


  10. Beth

    So that’s where they negotiated the prenup, I take it?

  11. Mama Pinkus

    there’s no mystery about Katie; the gal is just plain creepy

  12. havoc

    That’s actually part of the initiation ceremony for joining Scientology.

    That and the alien probe thing……


  13. Interesting choice…hand in fire?

  14. Jeff

    Good thing she’s not married to a psycho or people would take this the wrong way.

  15. BunnyButt

    Take away Posh’s pug nose and bad boob job and what do you get? Katie Holmes

  16. Italian Stallion

    With all the gay sex her husband has I bet it burns when she pees too………

  17. pete

    So…I wonder how the Walmart trampling fits into all of this?

  18. Italian Stallion

    Did she grow up in Africa? I wonder when they removed the gold rings from her neck……

  19. Sandy

    Is the idea supposed to be that Katie is Lindsay Lohan’s next lesbian lover?

  20. curly

    i think katie looks great. and the pics are cool. sort of Nagel-esque…

    ps- they should change the name of this site to the supercritical.com, since the posters here are mostly just a bunch of nitpicky, bitchy assholes…

  21. a real woman

    It should read:

    Katie Holmes is a MAN now!!!

    Yes folks the operation was a complete success. His publicist said that “Tom couldn’t be more thrilled”… to finally have two penises in the family now. Yep that’s right, Cruisy had scientology “doctors” (really just Chippendales dancers with tiny tin foil space suits complete with bubble wrap helmets; Tom’s personal “spacewear” design ) attach two super sized race horse shlongs to Katie (or is it Kevin now). Tom, as you know, is still waiting for the “docs” to find him a dick small enough to not turn him into a “human” tripod. No organism on earth appears to fit these specifications (except for John Mayer who is only willing to donate his wee peen to Tom when Jen “formally” Breaks up with him, so basically once she tells Oprah and her throngs of loyal house cows (house cows as you know are a species that appears similar to a human female/ giant farm cow, but they possess zero positive qualities naturally attributed to human women and have an immense propensity for raging obesity and non stop nagging).

  22. everybody

    #20 – instead of changing this site’s name and purpose, maybe it’d be easier if you navigated back to the Entertainment Tonight website.

  23. pete

    I agree with #20. There’s no reason to be critical of a young appealing actress who signed a contract to marry a psychotic cult leader and then be inseminated with frozen semen from the psychotic cult originator and then be injected with a virus that turns her into an emaciated zombie so that she won’t ever complain or have a movie that does better than one of her husband’s…no reason at all. Well, except for the “he’s gay” part.

  24. curly

    #21- GREAT story (yawnnnn)…

    #22- didn’t mean to touch a nerve. don’t mind me- just keep sucking at the thesuperficial.com teat of smug, mean-spirited bullshit as long as you like…

  25. todders is retarded

    stop with the fucking stupid ass “walmart trampling” posts. that video isn’t even funny. i just wasted 3 minutes of my life thanks to that shit. weak.

  26. happens every time...

    fyi, #20/24 = scientologist. Ignore.

  27. Andrew

    haha you totally tell that the fire was like 4 feet behind her and close to the ground. It’s the bowl’s shadow that gives the trick away. lol it’s cool though. they must’ve done it by measuring the blue square behind her to make sure that at that angle it would look like it fit perfectly – meeting behind her at a 90* angle supposedly. And then they must’ve allowed the the exposure to be long enough so that they could meld the images together as if her hand and the fire are going together. It’s cool.

  28. Master of The Obvious

    I’m pretty sure that’s what Katie had to do right after having sex with Tom recently ‘cuz that is the hand she had to use to stroke him off to climax since she can’t stand the thought of putting his cock in her mouth, pussy or ass ever again.

  29. Italian Stallion

    @27 haha you totally tell that you like dick 4 feet inside you and your knees on the ground. It’s your gay talk that gives you away. lol it’s hella gay though. You must have done it with a million guys to make sure your ass was wide enough to fit anyone at a 90* angle supposedly. And then you must have exposed yourself to every guy on the street just hoping one of them would want to go together. You’re a fag!

  30. devilsrain

    4. You FAIL in every way known to man. Fucking die

  31. I hate how she thinks she’s hot because the media is watching. She needs to be fingercuffed.

  32. AdamG

    Katie Holmes as a model? Retardent idea at best…

  33. That first picture is living proof that Scientology has drained every last bit of feeling out of her body.

    Hey, check out this vid about the DUD THAT GOT TRAMPLED AT WAL-MART:


  34. TCLTC

    #20/#24: Tom, I mean, Curly, I believe the site you are looking for is: disneychannel.com. I’m sure comments will be much nicer, less critical, and certainly less “glib”

    By the way #29, awesome post. Awesome.

  35. missywissy

    I don’t get it???

    Why can’t she model????

    I think she passes.

  36. el ces

    Kinda…looks like Angelina Jolie.

  37. BonnieBell

    Okay, at first I thought this was the Fem-Bot with the glued on grapefruits…..what’s her name. oh yeah, the Beckham thing.
    Katie, NNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

  38. Delgo

    She’s not hot. She never really was. Corny.


    whats with this face all models make in pic 2 like the movement of the nose muscles lip pout? just bite your finger or something to look sexy christ.

  40. joanna

    she’s nice.

  41. Satan

    QUIZ – who would get off on viewing some old home movies of his Dad getting gang-banged in prison = #39, believe me, I know

  42. todders is retarded

    OMG todders go shove your needle dick in a hot tub drain since i’m sure that’s the only way you can get off since most women i know don’t go for the i have a fucking 5 year sense of humor

  43. misje

    She is really very hot on the ***seekingsugarmomma. c om*** . There are so many hot pics on videos on that web. If you have a look, you will not want to move the eyes.

  44. We’re allowed to throw up now, folks?

  45. mk

    What a bunch of losers……………………………………………..

  46. http://HotGuysWanted.com

    I don’t think you should mess with TC, he’s got good lawyers. Did homer simpson wear a mu-mu. Don’t you need to be fat for those?

  47. Um.. Katie needs to tell Tom Cruise to lay off the exodus (hai, hitler). He needs to take care of his CHILDREN. SPOCKS cannot handle the exodus anyway, yes; All Scientology peeps are gonna get shock therapy. And sorry superherohype. i typed in the wrong place…


  48. jehova

    Katie Holmes is one creepy looking dude! Isn’t he a satanist catholic methodist baptist jehovas witness? Weird stuff going on in the Cruise spaceship!

  49. RJ Bladl

    She needs to do something as her acting and performance abilities have declined since getting involved with Mistress Tom. She has fallen under his spell and her career is nosediving, next we will see both doing more B class movies.

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