Katie Holmes enrolled in ‘Scientology Boot Camp’

May 1st, 2008 // 85 Comments

Apparently Katie Holmes’ recklessness (She spoke during dinner.) is getting out of hand, so Tom Cruise signed her up for an intense three-day session of Scientology Boot Camp. Star reports:

“It included various tests, confession sessions, tons of reading and physically challenging purification processes,” a Scientology insider reveals. “Tom insists that auditing and purification practices are incredibly beneficial to Scientologists at all levels.”
Katie’s intensive Scientology training and treatments have been accelerated in recent weeks, says another source, because she wanted to go to New York City without Tom to star in a Broadway play. But Tom stepped in and put the kibosh on her plans. And now Katie’s been going in for a series of intensive auditing sessions, some which have lasted for 36 hours straight — with little sleep or food.

Above you can see Katie utilizing the always-cleansing “Xenu scream.” It can only be ended by the insertion of a “Thetan rod.” However, when everyone looked to Tom Cruise to take action, he balked and replied “Eww! With a girl?! GROSS!” then jumped on the back of a bee and flew to safety.

Thanks to veggi who’s a drill sergeant at Camp Kickass.

superficial

  1. Auntie Kryst

    OT 1st you filthy Wog beyotches!! Suck on my Sea Org LRH8ters!

  2. cspot

    first

  3. Andres

    First! He he…..anyhow, what the fuck is up with TC’s outfits lately, has Scientology taken over his wardrobe as well???

  4. woodhorse

    Auntie Kryst you Closet Frister!

  5. restingonlaurels

    lots of tips from veggi – who’s your source??

  6. sla

    We could start a betting pool on two things: how long until she cracks and what she will do when it happens.

    My bet: Cracks by the end of July, and while I would love to see her pull a re-enacment of Farrah Fawcett and the Burning Bed, I am guessing she will flee home to mom and dad.

  7. EuroNeckPain

    Always be very afraid of people who use the word “pure”.

  8. L. Ron HubbaBubba

    I actually feel sorry for this woman.
    She’s so clueless.

  9. lisa

    Dear Katie…

    RUN!

  10. whatever

    BWAH! Who knew that unhinged jaws could be so scary!??!?

  11. Is it me or is she getting fat??

  12. I got 2 taco supremes from Taco Bell. They were good, but the shells kept breaking and most of my tacos ended up on the floor..

  13. yeahright

    First he told her not to do “Factory Girl” and now he’s pulled the plug on the play. For someone who’s a shit actor and a worse dresser, he’s a pretty controlling muppet.

  14. andie

    Wow. That’s scary. I had heard she wanted to go to New York without him. Not even a separation, just to work. And this is the reaction? Holy crap, dude!

    Glad I didn’t marry him. He asked, but I said no. Thank God. ;)

  15. spaceyQ

    Holy shit. Attack of the 50 Ft. Woman!

  16. Auntie Kryst

    @4 Yeah you caught me. I was waiting for a good crazy Scientology story to make that wise crack..

  17. edamame

    TCLTC.

  18. The Broken Forum

    And yet Scientology advertises on your site…Hmmm…

  19. shortmansyndrome

    #15 i think its just because tom cruise is 4 feet tall.

  20. edamame

    Did he really fuck Cher?!
    Hell, even in 1973, Cher was half plastic.

  21. Uncle Eccoli

    This is just awful. Something should be done about these crazy fucks.

  22. DNA ruined my life

    #19 Tom Cruise and Gary Coleman – separated at birth?

  23. Doesn’t this pic look like an advertising poster for NAMBLA? 2 young boys looking for friends….

    Oh, #1-3: You are all douche bags.

  24. liz / Paris

    Wha the hell doesnt she get divorced?
    I am sorry for her. But how can she be so bloody Stupid?

    Liz, Paris

  25. liz / Paris

    Wha the hell doesnt she get divorced?
    I am sorry for her. But how can she be so bloody Stupid?

    Liz, Paris

  26. Xenu

    36 hour session is not an exaggeration. These guys will break you down and make you confess on “how often you masturbate.”

    Good read:

    http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/story/9363363/inside_scientology

  27. Edeath

    Where is that dress she’s wearing from??? I love it.

  28. Jodi

    Missed an apostrophe – it’s “Katie Holmes’ / Holmes’s recklessness”.
    ___
    Anyway, I still fancy her a bit, although I’m wary that there is the very small possibility (<0.0001%) that her vagina has been interfered with by that little fuck. Any of you guys up for liberating her from that camp? As an atheist I reserve a special dislike for Scientology, and am looking forward to its destruction in my lifetime.

    ^J

  29. miggs

    Maybe the have a special lesson on lying in the bed you made.

  30. gigi

    wow, at this angle her head & mouth look so huge she could swallow Tom! freaky……..

  31. haha

    #5 – “source”??? Any of the other 50 celeb blogs that track news much faster.

  32. Chupacabra

    at least they had a pretty baby. it will be batshit crazy. but hey, at least there will be money there to feed it later… unlike brit’s kids. by the way, has any one seen them since K-fed left them in the yard with the swimming pool and hookers?

  33. crapola

    i think she was enticed by the big wad of cash they probably threw in her face as he proposed

  34. Spazz

    Man Cruise looks like the SNL dudes playing him. What a freak.

  35. PrehistoricGlamazonHuntress

    @ #6: I think she’ll hold out a little longer than that. She’ll last until the end of the summer, and then she’ll take him out with a massive strap-on to the anus. Either that, or she will make him watch himself jump on Oprah’s couch on an endless loop…….that alone would kill me…..

  36. Anal Boot Camp was much more fun that that.

  37. Lulu

    Fuck I hate these two … he’s the worlds biggest wanker and she’s a Stepford wife. As much as I hate to say it .. replace these two morons with Amy Whorehouse and the Hulkster family

  38. not your mama's scientology

    You could see it coming when he “changed” her name. When he insisted she be called Kate instead of Katie it was so obvious, fucking with another person’s identity is a classic sign of a controlling abuser.
    Wonder how much he had to pay to the Church to make his e-meter read clear?

  39. Nicole

    This is my first comment ever, I just can’t believe no one noticed that Tom cruise looks like a hobbit next to her in this picture.

  40. susie

    Did anyone notice how much their new mansion in LA looks like the Hitler camp he sent KH to in the California desert?
    Same style with everything in lockdown, no escaping. TC even has a Hitler
    haircut.

  41. Trover

    I am sure the Scientology training also included instructions on what to do when Tom Cruise is found in bed cock deep in David Miscaviage. That is when she really needs work on getting clear, and purified from the cornea burns Xenu inflicts on her.

  42. tylor

    39, when did he make her change her name??

    omg.
    D:

    i wish someone would freaking intervien soon.
    :(

  43. FIST!

    She looks freakishly huge next to that little man

  44. not your mama's scientology

    #43 He told everyone he thinks “Kate” is more mature than Katie, calls her that when he refers to her, corrects anyone who uses “Katie”. Before she married him she announced her new professional name was going to be “Kate Cruise”.
    Little did she know she’s never gonna get a chance to see it anywhere – well, not unless someone greenlights Battleship Earth Part 2 – that’s the only thing he’ll allow her to act in.

  45. ape tit

    whats with the Scientology ad’s now? Kinda odd seeing it on this page of all places.

  46. Kate

    Yeah, I remember the “Kate Cruise” thing. Never materialized though. They didn’t use it for Mad Money. Not that I watched that crap.

  47. Kate

    Anyone besides me think she looks like an anaconda here?

  48. justifiable

    #48 Well, I wouldn’t put any money on Suri’s finding her lost guinea pig any time soon.

  49. Chauncey Gardner

    I’m torn, guys. On the one hand, Scientology is a scam and a joke. On the other hand, it puts crazy nitwits like TomKat in physical danger, as well as corraling their genetic lines of lunacy into one dead-end gene pool. I don’t want to say it’s “good”, but can I really say it’s “bad”?

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