Apparently Katie Holmes’ recklessness (She spoke during dinner.) is getting out of hand, so Tom Cruise signed her up for an intense three-day session of Scientology Boot Camp. Star reports:
“It included various tests, confession sessions, tons of reading and physically challenging purification processes,” a Scientology insider reveals. “Tom insists that auditing and purification practices are incredibly beneficial to Scientologists at all levels.”
Katie’s intensive Scientology training and treatments have been accelerated in recent weeks, says another source, because she wanted to go to New York City without Tom to star in a Broadway play. But Tom stepped in and put the kibosh on her plans. And now Katie’s been going in for a series of intensive auditing sessions, some which have lasted for 36 hours straight — with little sleep or food.
Above you can see Katie utilizing the always-cleansing “Xenu scream.” It can only be ended by the insertion of a “Thetan rod.” However, when everyone looked to Tom Cruise to take action, he balked and replied “Eww! With a girl?! GROSS!” then jumped on the back of a bee and flew to safety.
Thanks to veggi who’s a drill sergeant at Camp Kickass.
Auntie Kryst | May 1, 2008 at 3:24 pm
OT 1st you filthy Wog beyotches!! Suck on my Sea Org LRH8ters!
cspot | May 1, 2008 at 3:24 pm
first
Andres | May 1, 2008 at 3:25 pm
First! He he…..anyhow, what the fuck is up with TC’s outfits lately, has Scientology taken over his wardrobe as well???
woodhorse | May 1, 2008 at 3:26 pm
Auntie Kryst you Closet Frister!
restingonlaurels | May 1, 2008 at 3:26 pm
lots of tips from veggi – who’s your source??
sla | May 1, 2008 at 3:28 pm
We could start a betting pool on two things: how long until she cracks and what she will do when it happens.
My bet: Cracks by the end of July, and while I would love to see her pull a re-enacment of Farrah Fawcett and the Burning Bed, I am guessing she will flee home to mom and dad.
EuroNeckPain | May 1, 2008 at 3:29 pm
Always be very afraid of people who use the word “pure”.
L. Ron HubbaBubba | May 1, 2008 at 3:32 pm
I actually feel sorry for this woman.
She’s so clueless.
lisa | May 1, 2008 at 3:33 pm
Dear Katie…
RUN!
whatever | May 1, 2008 at 3:34 pm
BWAH! Who knew that unhinged jaws could be so scary!??!?
FRIST!!! | May 1, 2008 at 3:35 pm
Is it me or is she getting fat??
FRIST!!! | May 1, 2008 at 3:39 pm
I got 2 taco supremes from Taco Bell. They were good, but the shells kept breaking and most of my tacos ended up on the floor..
yeahright | May 1, 2008 at 3:41 pm
First he told her not to do “Factory Girl” and now he’s pulled the plug on the play. For someone who’s a shit actor and a worse dresser, he’s a pretty controlling muppet.
andie | May 1, 2008 at 3:41 pm
Wow. That’s scary. I had heard she wanted to go to New York without him. Not even a separation, just to work. And this is the reaction? Holy crap, dude!
Glad I didn’t marry him. He asked, but I said no. Thank God. ;)
spaceyQ | May 1, 2008 at 3:41 pm
Holy shit. Attack of the 50 Ft. Woman!
Auntie Kryst | May 1, 2008 at 3:43 pm
@4 Yeah you caught me. I was waiting for a good crazy Scientology story to make that wise crack..
edamame | May 1, 2008 at 3:44 pm
TCLTC.
The Broken Forum | May 1, 2008 at 3:45 pm
And yet Scientology advertises on your site…Hmmm…
shortmansyndrome | May 1, 2008 at 3:45 pm
#15 i think its just because tom cruise is 4 feet tall.
edamame | May 1, 2008 at 3:47 pm
Did he really fuck Cher?!
Hell, even in 1973, Cher was half plastic.
Elliot_Spitz_On_Her | May 1, 2008 at 3:47 pm
TCLTC
Uncle Eccoli | May 1, 2008 at 3:48 pm
This is just awful. Something should be done about these crazy fucks.
DNA ruined my life | May 1, 2008 at 3:48 pm
#19 Tom Cruise and Gary Coleman – separated at birth?
sportsdvl | May 1, 2008 at 3:50 pm
Doesn’t this pic look like an advertising poster for NAMBLA? 2 young boys looking for friends….
Oh, #1-3: You are all douche bags.
liz / Paris | May 1, 2008 at 3:53 pm
Wha the hell doesnt she get divorced?
I am sorry for her. But how can she be so bloody Stupid?
Liz, Paris
liz / Paris | May 1, 2008 at 3:53 pm
Wha the hell doesnt she get divorced?
I am sorry for her. But how can she be so bloody Stupid?
Liz, Paris
Xenu | May 1, 2008 at 3:54 pm
36 hour session is not an exaggeration. These guys will break you down and make you confess on “how often you masturbate.”
Good read:
http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/story/9363363/inside_scientology
Edeath | May 1, 2008 at 3:56 pm
Where is that dress she’s wearing from??? I love it.
Jodi | May 1, 2008 at 4:05 pm
Missed an apostrophe – it’s “Katie Holmes’ / Holmes’s recklessness”.
___
Anyway, I still fancy her a bit, although I’m wary that there is the very small possibility (<0.0001%) that her vagina has been interfered with by that little fuck. Any of you guys up for liberating her from that camp? As an atheist I reserve a special dislike for Scientology, and am looking forward to its destruction in my lifetime.
^J
miggs | May 1, 2008 at 4:06 pm
Maybe the have a special lesson on lying in the bed you made.
gigi | May 1, 2008 at 4:08 pm
wow, at this angle her head & mouth look so huge she could swallow Tom! freaky……..
haha | May 1, 2008 at 4:11 pm
#5 – “source”??? Any of the other 50 celeb blogs that track news much faster.
Chupacabra | May 1, 2008 at 4:27 pm
at least they had a pretty baby. it will be batshit crazy. but hey, at least there will be money there to feed it later… unlike brit’s kids. by the way, has any one seen them since K-fed left them in the yard with the swimming pool and hookers?
crapola | May 1, 2008 at 4:27 pm
i think she was enticed by the big wad of cash they probably threw in her face as he proposed
Spazz | May 1, 2008 at 4:28 pm
Man Cruise looks like the SNL dudes playing him. What a freak.
PrehistoricGlamazonHuntress | May 1, 2008 at 4:28 pm
@ #6: I think she’ll hold out a little longer than that. She’ll last until the end of the summer, and then she’ll take him out with a massive strap-on to the anus. Either that, or she will make him watch himself jump on Oprah’s couch on an endless loop…….that alone would kill me…..
Jimbo | May 1, 2008 at 4:36 pm
Anal Boot Camp was much more fun that that.
Lulu | May 1, 2008 at 4:38 pm
Fuck I hate these two … he’s the worlds biggest wanker and she’s a Stepford wife. As much as I hate to say it .. replace these two morons with Amy Whorehouse and the Hulkster family
not your mama's scientology | May 1, 2008 at 4:47 pm
You could see it coming when he “changed” her name. When he insisted she be called Kate instead of Katie it was so obvious, fucking with another person’s identity is a classic sign of a controlling abuser.
Wonder how much he had to pay to the Church to make his e-meter read clear?
Nicole | May 1, 2008 at 4:48 pm
This is my first comment ever, I just can’t believe no one noticed that Tom cruise looks like a hobbit next to her in this picture.
susie | May 1, 2008 at 5:03 pm
Did anyone notice how much their new mansion in LA looks like the Hitler camp he sent KH to in the California desert?
Same style with everything in lockdown, no escaping. TC even has a Hitler
haircut.
Trover | May 1, 2008 at 5:05 pm
I am sure the Scientology training also included instructions on what to do when Tom Cruise is found in bed cock deep in David Miscaviage. That is when she really needs work on getting clear, and purified from the cornea burns Xenu inflicts on her.
tylor | May 1, 2008 at 5:07 pm
39, when did he make her change her name??
omg.
D:
i wish someone would freaking intervien soon.
:(
FIST! | May 1, 2008 at 5:21 pm
She looks freakishly huge next to that little man
not your mama's scientology | May 1, 2008 at 5:25 pm
#43 He told everyone he thinks “Kate” is more mature than Katie, calls her that when he refers to her, corrects anyone who uses “Katie”. Before she married him she announced her new professional name was going to be “Kate Cruise”.
Little did she know she’s never gonna get a chance to see it anywhere – well, not unless someone greenlights Battleship Earth Part 2 – that’s the only thing he’ll allow her to act in.
ape tit | May 1, 2008 at 5:28 pm
whats with the Scientology ad’s now? Kinda odd seeing it on this page of all places.
Kate | May 1, 2008 at 5:33 pm
Yeah, I remember the “Kate Cruise” thing. Never materialized though. They didn’t use it for Mad Money. Not that I watched that crap.
Kate | May 1, 2008 at 5:34 pm
Anyone besides me think she looks like an anaconda here?
justifiable | May 1, 2008 at 5:43 pm
#48 Well, I wouldn’t put any money on Suri’s finding her lost guinea pig any time soon.
Chauncey Gardner | May 1, 2008 at 5:49 pm
I’m torn, guys. On the one hand, Scientology is a scam and a joke. On the other hand, it puts crazy nitwits like TomKat in physical danger, as well as corraling their genetic lines of lunacy into one dead-end gene pool. I don’t want to say it’s “good”, but can I really say it’s “bad”?