It’s being reported today that Katie Holmes’ aunt, bless her heart, thought that she could cover up the giant pink elephant in room by vocally denying reports that Tom impregnated his new “lover” without the aid of in-vitro fertilization treatment. She insists, “I can assure you they did it the old fashioned way.”
I don’t think that anyone actually claimed Cruise knocked up Holmes without at least some genital-to-genital contact, but thanks for making us think otherwise, Katie’s aunt. From now on, I’m going to hang around Katie’s aunt and speculate loudly about whatever random crap I can come up with and see if she confirms it by trying to prove otherwise. So watch out for future quotes from Katie’s relatives like, “I can assure you Tom Cruise loves the sexy ladies and did not hypnotize my niece into thinking the pool boy was just helping him scratch a really deep itch. Also, Tom doesn’t eat puppies. Not often.” Because you so know he doesn’t, he did, and he does. Often.