Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise still probably getting married

October 18th, 2006 // 115 Comments



  1. LilRach

    She looks like she getting out of a hearse

  2. sonya

    Damn. That’s exactly what I was going to say. I think she might be on her way to the Haunted Mansion to play her role as Leota.

    “Hurry baa-aaack, hurry baa-aaack…”

  3. sonya


    Looks like someone ate her ass off. And not in a good way.

  4. BarbadoSlim

    Her booty be so flat homeboys be linin’ up to tag that ass!

  5. Devil Is Chrome

    I think it’s sick how thin she is after giving birth.
    I’m all for taking the piss out of celebrities, but really people – that is SO not how it works.

  6. ImaCracka

    6th!!! Highest I have ever been!!

    Man I need a life

  7. commissioner


    She just buried her career.

  8. BarbadoSlim

    #5 “giving birth” think about that for a moment, this person is married to Tom Cruise, she may have given something but surely not birth.

  9. Devil Is Chrome

    #7 – brilliant

    #8 – You’re right – what the f*ck was I thinking?!

  10. Jacquelantern

    Where da booty at? Other than that she looks good.

    Oh yeah and since when did people drive around in a hearse… and wear all black. hmmmm very emo

  11. combustion8

    baby got (no) back.

  12. BarbadoSlim

    maybe I’m not a fashionista, maybe I don’t hang around with Victoria Beckham, maybe I masturbate too much and maybe I wear a mankini while I post and maybe I abuse cocaine….but I know one thing: back pockets should not ride in the back of your fucking neck, I don’t care if you are married to Maverick.

  13. slantingthroughdarkness

    Where’s Katie’s ass? About to be standing next to her at her wedding.


  14. guest1234567

    Is that a bowling ball bag in the second picture. I’ll bet it is. So she obviously lost all that weight by going bowling. And if its not a bowling ball bag, then he is probably lugging Suri around in it.

  15. Spunkbubble on J. Alba's chest

    Talk about typical white girl ass. If that doesn’t prove TCLTC I don’t know what does.

  16. yuckyfresh

    is it really no ass or just giant thighs that hide a normal ass?

  17. Drusilla

    Presumably her ass got hoovered along with all the other baby weight?

  18. yuckyfresh

    also, #5, it’s been 6 months since she had suri (to the day actually–fine, i’m a loser) and that’s plenty of time to be back in shape. besides, her thighs got huge and never shrunk. it’s no heidi “2 weeks and i’m back in a lingerie fashion show” klum magic, so don’t blame katie just because you couldn’t do it.

  19. BarbadoSlim

    Don’t worry about it #19, you’re not a loser…

  20. commissioner

    Her pants are so tight they look like sausage casings.

  21. BigJim

    The reason for the constant delays in the wedding was because they were having problems with cloning L. Ron.

    And as far as cock-lovin’ Tom Cruise is concerned, he is the only one worthy of performing the ceremony.

  22. Her bag is massive. Is she carrying Tom in it?


  23. InstantAsshat-AddFame

    OK, this is one time I actually agree with my mother, who told me, “IA-AF, when you have little ripples on the legs and butt of your pants, they’re too fucking tight!”

    OK, I added the word ‘fucking.’ My mom couldn’t even tell me my grandpa had prostate cancer. She said he had cancer ‘down there.’

  24. Is that a hearse she’s getting out of


  25. NipsyHustle

    she is in an ass deficit.

    she reminds me of my kindergarten teacher who always played the piano in class. one day she asked me to come sit on the bench beside her. i said no. she asked why and i told her i didn’t want a flat butt. the bitch put me in timeout for keeping it real.

    anyway, i have a fine ass now shaped like a peach. i’ve never sat on a piano bench so i think there was some logic to my theory.

  26. checkyourshorts

    i think they’re waiting until “everyone can get married” – or should.

  27. BigJim


    It’s not prostate cancer, it’s called ass cancer — get it right.

    Speaking of which, perhaps that’s what Katie is suffering from, and the chemo ate her ass all up.

    Or perhaps it was Tom who ate her ass, because he loves the taste of poo, albeit usually slurping it off a dick that just came out of his ass.

  28. assfacecocknocker

    i think tome commanded scientology aliens to zap it away with their lazers because it was a bad influence on the baby cos it stinks like turds

  29. krisdylee

    hey assface… me like to want know how you learning the way of typing the english ways of talking

    especially too with no using of any puncuation

    impressed i am

  30. theblemish.com

    I don’t think she’ll ever escape the clutches of Tom Cruise.


  31. #30 – krisdylee, that’s funny!

    28 – BigJim, in your last sentence there, are you talking about ATM?

  32. JB Fletcher

    oh my god Big jim,that is sick and wrong and god help me but your fucking hilarious.

    made my day,wiping tear of happiness away.

    seriously though,tom cruise eats a lot of cock,and all the traffic that has passed through his back passage must surely have left him faecally incontinent by now.

    his prostate gland is just a sweet memory from chilhood.

    Kate has two major functions,1.obviously a cover to prove he is not gay,coz she ALL woman,and 2.OBVIOUSLY so he can steal her tampons to plug up his leaky back passage.squelch.


  33. siren823

    Isn’t she rich? Can’t she afford a nice thong or g string so she doesn’t have nasty ass panty lines? I guess now that she a mom, “Kate,” Tom commands that she wear granny panties.

  34. bigponie

    I hate girls with flat ass, you can’t see the bootie wave when your pounding it from behind.

  35. cole007

    I have a cuban ass. I’m going to say it, it is big, round, wonderful, and very muscular from dancing. I would be more than happy to donate half of my ass to her if it makes her look better. Seriously. I also have big boobs. That works out for me well, and I am not donating them. Also, my thighs are very big from dance and swimming all my life. They are “african” thighs if you know what I mean. I would LOVE to give about 40% of those to her to use where ever she would like. Possibly around her soul to block the bullshit of Maverick Tom Kat. Poor Katie. She’s so pretty. It’s like she had her tribe marry her off to the elder and she can’t do anything about it to get out. If you are being held against your will, Katie, blink twice and help will come. God Bless.

  36. cole007

    Ok – Katie, is not *that* pretty, but she’s better than the average Admin assistant that comes waddling into my cube to harrass me for my timesheets. Get out of my cube, bitch.

  37. Nooken

    High waisted mom pants are back in! Yeah! You gotta love it when your belt may rub against your boobs. Oh Katie… what happened, you used to be a tasty snack and now you’re a pressed ham sandwich.

  38. BigJim

    Embolism: Fuckin’ d’uh I’m talking ATM.

    Speaking of which, I must say that I am not at all impressed with the direction that porn has taken in recent years.

    All this ATM stuff grosses me out. I long for the golden age of porn. Not the 70s, mind you. I don’t want to be looking at a chick’s vag that appears to be having Tina Turner crawling out of it. Too much hair is just plain nasty. A nice shave job with a landing strip so I don’t feel like a child molester is nice.

    And none of this ATM stuff. The kind of chick who will do that is just raunchy. I prefer looking at a babe who doesn’t seem like she’s just aching for her next fix of smack and might actually enjoy what she’s doing.

    I’m guess I’m just old fashioned that way.

  39. krisdylee

    You know, BigJim… I feel the same way. What the hell is wrong with a good ol’ fashioned fucking? None of this fancy-shmancy ATM, or dirty sanchez or whatever bullshit. Get me nice and wet, throw in some oral action (the proper way), flip me over onto all fours, grab my long blonde (oh, yes, I am not lying) hair, pull hard and pound me. I’m a big girl, I can take it.

    BTW, you do know your initials are BJ?

    hee hee. BJ….

  40. JB Fletcher

    cole007 you are a lucky hot bitch from the sounds of it.

    keep it all man,dont donate.

    kate is rich enuff to buy her own ass pillows.well tom is rich enuff to pay for them since he is the antichrist,and we all know that the antichrist is filthy fucking loaded.

    thats just how the world is today.

    i wish i had a cuban ass.sounds amazing.do you also have that elusive ass cleavage?

    dont answer that,if its yes,im going to die of jealousy,so im going to assume its no.

    fuck off and die James of the micro penis.

  41. BigJim


    If you’re givin’, then I’m receiving.

  42. Post # 36/37
    I don’t see any ego, not at all. :-) Some Cuban’s are sexy though. Not all but some.

    Katie is nasty. In the the last 6 months that “hollywood diet” has really lived up to it’s name. Next we’ll see Operah asking to join in on a threesome with Barack Obama and Wife. Now that would make an interesting headline.

    Hey it’s Hollywood, anything can happen.


  43. Sheva

    You know that Tom be pillowcasing her head and hammerin some 9 year old boy ass.

    One look at her so called ass and you know why Tom has her around.

    She be needin ass plants in a big muthafuckin way.

  44. katlady12

    The real Katie Holmes died last year. This is a pic of Kate Holmes emerging from the hearst that carried Katies body. RIP.

  45. InstantAsshat-AddFame

    Not to be too much of a board biatch, but why does every other person on here have to go about their terrifically good looks? It’s kinda asinine, not to mention tedious.

    And yeah, ass cancer. I’m sure my mom told me it was ass cancer.

    She told me after she showed me how to fit a bra over my juicy DD titties and gave me new hairbrush for my shiny long red hair.

    Off to hurl my Skittles now….

  46. Congratulations. That was an awesome post.

  47. Yeah, I have no problem with people knowing that I’m a fat slob. Just click the link.

    Back on track…

    Another thing that really pisses me off about the new porn is this facination with DPs. That’s just fucking harsh. And what kind of guy would participate in that?

    Dude, when you DP a chick, you’re dick is like half an inch away from another guy’s dick. That’s pretty gay in my book.

    And what about DPing the same fucking hole? That’s even worse! Your cock is touching another cock, fer fuck’s sake! That borders on Tom Cruise gay. You might as well have a cock up your ass at the same time.

    Fucking new porn producers are sick fucking fucks that fucking piss me right the fuck off. Fuckers.

  48. dragonbain

    Hey have any of you noticed that ferret has not been around for a couple days, and if you try to get on his site it redirects you. You think Edna reported him?

  49. She’s probably telling the driver to take her back to Dawson’s Creek.


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