Katie Holmes allowed to have a career (Ankle bracelet mandatory)

May 20th, 2008 // 61 Comments

Katie has been blessed by Lord Xenu or Pizza the Hutt or whoever the hell Scientologists worship these days, and has landed a role in the Broadway revival of All My Sons, according to People:

Holmes, who had been reportedly in final negotiations for the part last March, will join John Lithgow, Dianne Wiest and Patrick Wilson in the revival this fall.
Holmes will play a woman who visits the family of her former lover, a missing pilot. It will be her first play since high school and Holmes will be on stage six nights a week.

Congratulations to Katie, it must be nice to get out of the dungeon. That said, anyone else feel like she’s probing your mind in these pics? If so, ha! Good luck, lady. Ain’t nothing in there but boobs, an episode of The A-Team and this one time I ate a really awesome sandwich then took a nap. Damn, my life rocks!

Photos: Splash News

  1. Geo

    FIRST waw ! damned, french powa :)

  2. Sandpaper Sally

    Pizza the Hut! I hate her hair. She looked awesome before the fag got hold of her.

  3. I wonder if she practiced that look for hours or if that’s just the Paxil.

  4. pete

    Great news! I’ve missed seeing her flash her lopsided smile in every single scene she’s ever been in. Drew Barrymore just wasn’t enough of a substitute.

  5. Grunion

    Unless she is playing the Evil Lesbian Prison Warden in “Caged Heat 3″ I don’t give a fuck

  6. 453

    whad u guys on about? she looks smokin hot! i simply dont want to imagine tom cruise’s close combat scientology wiener gettin so gud pussy..not fair…

  7. Deva

    It’s times like this I wish I carried a bazooka. Gee, is it any mystery why she was “passed over” for the Batman sequel? Thank that hamster taking fag of a husband Katie.
    Can anyone say “blacklisted”? I sure can.

  8. TundraFire

    He dresses her and trains her like a pet doll.

  9. Jumpin_J

    I’d just like to say as a professional in Broadway theatre (Tony nominated, for real), I’d like to say she is going to SUCK! Two words – Julia Roberts. I’ll bet she’ll walk out on stage, open her mouth, and a big stream of nothing will come out. John Lithgow was good casting, but oh boy this looks like a big heaping hunk of doo doo.

  10. Come now…the girl grew into a elegant, classy lady.
    Baby Suri is a doll
    And yes…her husband is an ass pirate
    Nonetheless, she’s a statue-esqe beauty

  11. Smokin hot??? She looks like that kid on the fucking paint can!! GAWD!!!!!

  12. OGReadmore

    I thought she was HUGE compared to Tom Cruise… Is he wearing elevator shoes?

  13. T. Cruise

    “Honey? Umm…while I’m bent over putting this ankle bracelet on you, do you mind grabbing the ‘hubby holer”? Just for a couple of minutes, just cuz I’m already bent over and everything…and…I’ll sure miss you!”

  14. I wonder if she practiced that look for hours or if that’s just the Paxil.

  15. Mr. Obvious

    To #12: He’s standing on the third step up the stairs (that you can see in pictures 2 & 3). You can’t figure it out?!

  16. Pizza the hut? LOLOLOL

    yes, she could be good looking if she didn’t look like a zombie after all the brain-washing she’s been through.

  17. What happened with #12..? Whoa… the Fish is either having a server issue or I blacked out… no more fifths of scotch for lunch…

  18. Fuck me.. I meant #14… liquid lunches rock.

  19. veggi

    Hi. My name is veggi, and I rented Mad Money..

    “HI VEGGI!!”


  20. Matthew

    free katie and TCLTC

  21. Arthur Dent

    Tom Cruise has DESTROYED this girl. Doesn’t anyone care?

  22. Ted from LA

    What the fuck is that expression on her face and that bowl haircut? She looks like she

    A. swallowed a quarter
    B. just ate Tweedy Bird and he’s still moving around
    C. borrowed John Edwards stylist
    D. married a gay midget

  23. bar room hero

    @ 2, I know she used to be hottt
    btw, what’s up with the flapper do?

  24. MightyD

    No stilts, no elevator shoes, no stairs…just the hovering power obtained through acheiving the 5th level of “Klaatu” worshipness…. You can’t see it on the picture but he’s actually floating on a green mist of alien vapor.

  25. coffeebean

    Now that his hair is back to normal, Tom Cruise looks totally hot again.

  26. coffeebean

    Now that his hair is back to normal, Tom Cruise looks totally hot again.

  27. twzzlrgirl

    I think she looks pretty damn good for a woman being held hostage by a cock-loving, ass-fucking whack-job.


  28. What the fuck is Mad Money??

  29. Randal

    There’s something special in the air if Katie is returning to broadway, where she not only has stolen the show but also becomes it.

    After her quick stint with Batman, she has seen the errors in her ways and realizes that a true actress needs to be on broadway. Not only will she continue to deliver sold out performances but also get to do what she loves the most.

    Congratulations girl! Hope all is well with your family and Tom.


  30. #30 where do you live?/

  31. ToTellTheTruth

    She looks like one of the fucking Stedford wives…

  32. ToTellTheTruth

    Ok, am I the only one that’s beginning to think that Randal has a Katie Holmes statue sculpted from melted wax, with a few dents in it (shaped like a penis head), and splattered with the crusty remnants of semen..hidden away in a shoe box underneath his bed. Can we all say STALKER…

  33. Dorito Man

    Notice she always has head head tilted down. Like Princess Diana used to do and it looks very coached so she doesn’t look too tall next to him. I bet he has a four incher; kinda short, not too big around..

  34. Dorito Man

    Notice she always has head head tilted down. Like Princess Diana used to do and it looks very coached so she doesn’t look too tall next to him. I bet he has a four incher. Kind short, not too big around..

  35. nipolian

    ahhh Randal……….I don’t believe Katie Holmes has ever done anything on Broadway before……..I think that something special in the air that you mentioned must be something pretty toxic…….you might want to call a plumber.

  36. I love Katie Holmes.
    She and Amy Winehouse need to make a video together.
    Pete D. can film.

  37. Randal

    You are correct there nipolian, it is my mistake to bare and I apologize to any other Katie Holmes fan, although, Dawson’s Creek was broadway-ish with the number of great reviews she received when the pilot aired.

    Here are some great quotes about this *

    “The Audrey Hepburn of her generation”

    “is a confident young performer who delivers her lines with slyness and conviction.”

    “is a throwback to the 1950s: she is a smart girl next door (as opposed to the babe-o-rama blondes)”

    So it looks like broadway has found her instead.


  38. It's a man baby!

    Tommy boy sure likes his men tall and robotic!

  39. Anonymous


    Gotta be San Francisco.

  40. roop

    She probably spent 500 dollars for that Emo Phillips hair do.

  41. snarky

    Dammit! I accidentally read a “Randal” post again. I always say I’m gonna skip over those because they’re so annoying, but then I start reading the other posts and forget… and suddenly find myself reading “a Randal” and going, oh shit, not again!…duped again…

  42. Trover

    She looks way hot in these photos for a Stepford Wife. I mean, WAY hawt. Sultry.

    Still not sure why she stays with little TC who loves the Cowk.

  43. godhatesf@gmail

    Does she look like she’s had a nosejob recently? Her nostrils look like they’ve been caved in. Thank god she went topless in The Gift, she’s ruined now.

  44. britney's weave

    what a fucking hair disaster. congrats tom, you got the 12-year-old retarded boy look to work on her.

  45. dude_on_a_wire

    – She is controlled by a freak who is the face of a “religion” that worships a space alien ruler – I’m guessing the bowl haircut might be the least of her problems.

  46. yoo-hoo

    it’s not tommy that messed up her looks, it’s fucking “posh spice”, victoria beckham! ever since they started hanging out, katie has taken on the same severe, hideous hair/stare/pose…


  47. Timmee

    Randal, will you marry me? I need someone to cook, iron, and clean for me. Could you fit those things in between Ellen and Oprah? XOXO

  48. michy

    say what you want,i think she is cute

  49. kevin

    Has any one noticed her nose job???????
    She never had SUCH a pointed noise, I guess that was an order from faggot Cruise !

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