Tom Cruise Is Trying To Activate Suri’s Doomsday Protocol By Phone

“Ohmygod, what’s this noise coming out of my mouth? Is that normal?”
“It’s laughter, Katie.”
“And people do this?”
“All the time”
“…. Do they sometimes throw up microchips?”

And now for another exciting installment in How Far Will Tom Cruise Go To Make Sure Katie Holmes Doesn’t Escape With The Star Child of Prophesy. On top of posting armed Scientologists outside of her new apartment, Tom is apparently having regular phone calls with Suri even though she’s six and spent the other day talking like a cat. People reports:

“It’s an impossible situation and he does not want to subject his daughter to any more trauma,” the source says.
For now, Cruise must rely on regular phone calls with Suri, says the source, adding that the two talk several times a day.
“Say what you will about Tom, but there is no doubt he loves his daughter,” says a second source. “Not seeing her would be very hard on him.”

I haven’t felt sorry at all for Tom Cruise since news of the divorce broke, but you’d have to be dead inside not to feel for a man who thinks he’s enacting the fail-safe protocols in his daughter’s brain that will turn her into goddamn Hanna, only to hear, “Sorry, daddy, I’m not going to do that, and you can’t make me because I’m taller than you now.” That’s gotta sting.

Photos: Fame/Flynet, Splash News