Katie Holmes Can Talk Shit About Tom Cruise Soon

Katie Holmes’ divorce from Tom Cruise was an epic escape involving burner phones and screenplays telling him directly to his levitating space face that she was leaving him. Except according to Radar, it wasn’t entirely a clean break, and there’s a reason why Claudia Jordan had to be killed back in June:

“Katie signed a clause in her quickie divorce settlement that prevents her from embarrassing Tom in various ways, like talking about him or Scientology, or publicly dating another man for five years after the divorce,” the source claimed.
“She’s allowed to date, but she cannot do so in a public fashion, and she’s not supposed to let any boyfriend near their daughter, Suri,” the insider added. “Katie wanted out of the marriage so badly, she agreed to the terms — and got $4.8 million in child support, plus another $5 million for herself.”

Granted, while Radar isn’t the most reliable of sources, this sounds almost exactly like something Scientology would pull. Then again, the terms supposedly expire in 2017, which is odd because usually these intergalactic butt beams are all about billion year contracts. I mean, half a gazorplorp I can understand, but five years? It’s almost like Tom Cruise has never astral projected to Zapfapflark 7, amirite? Next, you’re going to tell me he can’t even telepathically control both animal and human beings. (Actual shit Scientologists believe.)

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