Here’s How Gangster Katie Holmes Is

July 11th, 2012 // 57 Comments
The TomKat Divorce
Tom Cruise Katie Holmes Divorce
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While Scientology tries to make Tom Cruise look like he wanted the divorce because he’s a born-and-bred pussy-slayer that can’t be tied down, reports based on reality continue to portray Katie Holmes‘s escape like the episode of The Wire it is. Bitch was using a burner! Via The LA Times:

Katie Holmes set the wheels in motion for her divorce from Tom Cruise using a throwaway cellphone provided by a friend to initially talk to her lawyers and avoid her husband knowing about the conversations, according to a source familiar with the divorce.
The move allowed her to prepare her legal case without Cruise and his staff knowing she was about to exit the marriage and left him shocked at the sudden divorce. By the time a deal was struck last weekend to end the marriage, she hired three law firms in three states.

Except that’s not even the most gangster part, or even the fact that she basically got everything she wanted in an instant settlement. (Although, firing her step-daughter Bella in the early stages of the divorce planning was some ice-cold shit.) No, the most gangster part is that Katie Holmes wrote a movie about a single mom leaving her husband while she was married to Tom Cruise and got him to give her notes. An anecdote I remembered from his Playboy interview last month which at the time he thought was a cute little story that would make people think she’s capable of hobbies despite all the drugs he pumps into her food:

She is an extraordinary person, and if you spent five minutes with her, you’d see it. Everything she does, she does with this beautiful creativity. When she becomes interested in something, she doesn’t talk about it, she does it. One week I said to her, “You’ve been up in the middle of the night. Is everything okay?” She smiled and then threw this thing on my desk and said, “I wrote this script.” She wanted to try it, and she did.

Of course, why would Tom Cruise even consider this a red flag when we’re talking about a man who believes he possesses galactic powers that allow him to control the thoughts and actions of others? He probably thought he made her do it with his mind. “Kate, press this shirt.” *watches her sit down and start typing instead* “I mean, write. Write a script. The cosmos demand it! (Showed her.)”

Photos: Fame/Flynet, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN


  1. El Jefe

    I love this woman more and more everyday.

  2. Cock Dr

    I underestimated her.

    • Agreed. I thought she was brainwashed years ago.

    • vgrly

      She definitely has some street cred now. Who would of thunk it?

      Since her face is perking up these last couple weeks maybe her breasts will perk up like they did in Dawson’s creek..

      Haha bad joke.

    • EricLr

      I bet she was slipping the pills under her tongue and hiding them in the wall for weeks. Stupid Scientologists forget the “Thou shall always make SURE they swallow” scripture from LRon 23:9.

      • By the time anyone actually becomes a Scientologist, they’ve swallowed plenty. Usually it’s a hook, line and sinker, but once those go down, everything else is easy in comparison.

    • I believe you mean “brava!”

  3. Dick Hell

    She’ll have to watch her back forever. The Church of Scientology is like a legion of cockroaches. Shine a light on them and they scatter but they’ll return at the first opportunity.

  4. Johnny P!

    Oh, the things she knows…
    And now that she’s firmly in the spotlight, she can say anything she wants and if she gets so much as a scratch on her knee the Scientologist regime will be blamed.
    C’mon, Katie… tell all!

  5. catapostrophe

    Both sides of the story are bullshit. Katie didn’t secretly escape an oppressive marriage, just as Tom wasn’t being unfaithful [with another female person].

    The truth being obscured by both sides is that the marriage was a contractual arrangement due to expire at the moment it did, and designed solely to perpetuate the public image of Tom Cruise as a heterosexual male.

    Katie Holmes wouldn’t want the truth revealed. She’d be seen as a person willing to sell her public image for money and greater fame, with no respect for the sanctity of marriage.

    Tom Cruise wouldn’t want the truth revealed for obvious–yet pitifully antiquated–reasons.

    In the media, they both come out looking pretty good: Katie is a courageous mother and Tom is heartbroken and garnering public sympathy.


    • Jack Ketch

      Not all of that is right, no.

      • catapostrophe

        Do tell.

      • TeeCee

        The part where Tom something something public sympathy. That part is completely false.

      • mary

        Tom is only getting “sympathy” because there is a good swath of us that know Katie knew exactly what she was getting herself into. She was a Hollywood vet and 27 and pregnant when she hooked up and married Tom within 3 months of knowing him. She knew of Scientology. How could she not? So it’s not really “team tom” as it is “no team Kate”

        Had she been literally kidnapped by a cult we would give her credit. But she knew what she was doing. If anything, some of us refuse to give her this silly praise most of you are doing.

    • Jack Ketch

      I don’t believe it’s all bullshit is what I’m saying. Tom Cruise may be shocked, yes, but heart-broken ? No. Personally I LOVE Katie Holmes for doing this after what he did to Nicole Kidman. He may be a huge star but I don’t think his IQ is anything special at all … I think he’s a smarmy, lying, lift-wearing, ferret-faced midget :)

    • CranAppleSnapple

      Tom comes out looking like a psychopath that she needed to escape from. If it was a planned ending they both would have pulled that “we are still great friends, it just didn’t work out” line.

  6. luckyglinda

    she may have a confidentially agreement but that doesn’t mean she can’t write a *fiction* script!

  7. Dude of Dudes

    Is my denim jacket from 1980 and my mom’s summer mumu the official scientology dress code of separation? Or perhaps the post Thetan Ward of Frump?

  8. Marie

    Let’s not forget her father is a highly respected and apparently TOUGH Harvard trained divorce lawyer who invested months helping to negotiate Katie’s prenup…this was a sign she had strong support when and where she needed it. He would have detailed knowledge of what she was up against legally in terms of saving AND in a position to help plan the execution of it including who to hire and from where. I’m sure he’s well connected and obviously just like Katie is willing to fight HARD for his daughter who he must have had concerns for her and his granddaughters present and future well being. Parents who love their kids will do ANYTHING to protect them if they feel they are in danger or at threat…if for Katie this included manipulating who and what she needed to incl the media than so be it. If she has to continue to protect herself and position in the future against those who are much more powerful (and vindictive) and that includes ‘cashing in’ on her current victory for her career…so what? Why not cede that maybe when you strip all the conjecture and speculation away she’s a mother who dearly loves her child and will do anything to protect her? But I guess some bloggers get more attention painting her as a brilliant manipulator with a selfish agenda? OK

    • Change your fucking tampon and learn to read, no one’s saying that because she had this whole split down cold she has a “selfish” agenda – except you. FYI, her father graduated from the University of Toledo (Ohio) law school, NOT Harvard, and in addition to matrimonial he specializes in personal injury, business litigation and probate – so he ain’t exactly Miles Massey. Get your facts straight – bottom line is, she had dynamite counsel, wherever it came from.

      Maybe you missed every entry for the past week or so about Katie wanting out of the marriage in the first place because Suri’s now at an age where Co$ indoctrination really starts, so she orchestrated the split so that Suri wouldn’t become another Co$ drone like the kids from Cruise’s former marriage? Didja miss the ones detailing what happened to Kidman’s relationship with those kids when “joint” custody was awarded – i..e. she pretty much never saw them (and of course they’re now Co$ members) so filing for sole custody meant that Holmes paid attention and is clearly determined that won’t happen to her relationship with her daughter? Clearly “the blogger” (nice to be anonymous, eh, Fish?) was painting her with the “selfish agenda” brush. Tsk.

      FYI, someone can unleash a brilliantly orchestrated legal move and still have the most honorable reason possible for doing it – they aren’t mutually exclusive. And giving props for excellent planning and manipulation doesn’t take a damn thing away from the motive.

    • He’s right, Marie. But, hell, I’ll still fuck ya!

  9. She voluntarily entered into a fake marriage to further her career. It’s a wonder she gets any sympathy at all.

    • Mmmm…I don’t think so. But I’m no authority. I always thought she started out really caring for him, but the bullshit just got too deep.

      How could she think marrying Tom Cruise could further her career? And if that had been the case, why did she wait so long to pull the pin?

      • Everyone joked about the “convenience” of the relationship since Day 1 of their sudden engagement. You can check the archives on this site. But since everyone has a hard on for Tom Cruise and the Xenufags they want to pretend she was some innocent victim. Fuck that. She was complicit in the whole charade. She was well paid for her role and deserves no sympathy.

    • mary

      Everyone wants a Hollywood like ending for this. It’s Hollywood alright – manipulated to the core

      I call BS on these people who cheer for Katie. They were the first ones to call BS on her decision to marry Tom in the first place. Heck, they were saying that the child’s not his. Now all of the sudden it is his?

  10. Snack pack

    Where is Justifiable on this issue? I’m curious to read his learned perspective? Or is it possible that Justifiable is actually Katie’s dad?

    • I wish – the fact that you consider what looks to be an amazingly slam-dunk deal in my league is a major compliment. IMO, in order to have such a quick wrapup, obvs her dad dotted and crossed everything, and more besides, because Co$ doesn’t give up anything unless there’s a smoking gun held to the back of its head. Financia slettlement aside, whether Cruise has indeed ceded sole custody of Suri to her will be the issue; whether Cruise and Co$ want to gamble on a lot of inside info being aired in order to fight for joint custody will be the deciding factor.

      • Makes me wonder if we’ll ever know the whole story…

      • CranAppleSnapple

        I hope Katie’s dad has a rush of new business. He’s a rockstar. :)

      • Snack pack

        Thanks for the post, Justi. Love the surprising degree of intellect and diversity I can occasionally find here. However, and sorry for my ignorance here (must have missed a thread or two), but how does Co$ = Scientology?

      • CranAppleSnapple

        Church of $cientology. :)

      • Wait, a smoking gun? That would mean the gun was already fired. So are you saying that CoS wouldn’t give up anything unless someone already shot it in the back of the head? But then, it would be destroyed, and thus couldn’t give up anything…

        …MIND BLOWN!

  11. kirby

    Anyone should be able to have this new woman on the market. She’s been married to a man who has had to come up with a zillion excuses as to why he’s always flacid when she wants to “do it” unless she covers her whole body up with a sheet but only exposes her anus.

  12. YTBOY

    Katie is smart and sexy as heck!!!!

  13. cococrave

    maybe she thought that she would be able to handle it, but then it ended up being more than what she wanted to be apart of. she allowed to change her mind.

  14. Katie Holmes Smirking Sunglasses Lawyers Office NYC
    Commented on this photo:

    You people with your robot like blind deovtion to TC, it’s pathetic. WHY on earth would you bash Brad and AJ for donating 4.1 million dollars to a charity? I mean WHY, can someone just come forward and explain why you believe this is a bad thing???Anna, can I just say you are a terrible spokesperson for the TomKat crowd. You fail at making any kind of point.The money has nothing to do with it, it’s about making the right choices.One couple took control of the media, and donated 4.1 million dollars to charity.The other couple did a 22 page spread, and the only people to profit from that was Vanity Fair.You mention AJ living off Brad .uuummm, and what has Katie been doing?Your completely IDIOTIC comment about posing for pictures, are you KIDDING?? Would you like to comment on the THOUSANDS of posed pictures the two media whores posed for on a daily basis if not twice a day FOR MONTHS at something as private as their childrens sporting events?????? Please, share with me how that’s somehow better than what anyone else does? You make NO SENSE with your hateful ramblings!!!Would you also like to comment on how T&K whored out Suri at their wedding? The first public pictures at that media circus PLEASE!!! They keep the baby hidden for months saying loud noises aren’t good for babies, they’re afraid of the paparazzi, they’re keeping her safe and then they expose her to THOUSANDS of photographers and paps, and flash bulbs at their wedding!!!!!HYPOCRITES!!!!!!!And lastly, I’d like one of you rabid TC fans to answer this question for me, although I’m pretty damn sure I won’t get an answer.How do you feel about Tom Cruise leaving Nicole Kidman FOR NO APPARENT REASON mere months after she had miscarried his supposed FIRST biological child NOT COINCIDENTALLY right before he would have had to honor the payoff of their 10 year marriage contract was due to be up????Answers .anyone???

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