Here’s Katie Holmes at the premiere of new movie Don’t Be Afraid Of The Dark which surprisingly is not a remake of the Snick show Are You Afraid Of The Dark? because she hasn’t earned that yet. (Old people found that joke hilarious, I just told myself.) In the meantime, the enhancements Tom Cruise has made to her emotion processor are light years beyond the previous models he used to tote around after the real Katie strapped a bomb to her chest and took out a re-education center in Phoenix. Granted he went a little heavy on the freaky laughter algorithm, this puppy is capable of elation, coquettish-ness and bourgeois disdain for questions beneath its station.
REPORTER: Katie, is it true Tom controls you with a remote app on his phone?
KATIE: *whips head* How dare you? — Initiate. Kill. Sequence.
TOM: Ahahaha! Such a kidder. *throws down smoke pellets* K8-E, jetpack protocol! NOW!
KATIE: Firing feet rockets, Master!
Photo: Fame, INFdaily, Splash News
Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society….I call this story: Tale of the Sunken Cyborg Chest
I hope this one has Mr. Sardo in it!
wow shes turnin into a regular giada de laurentiis with that smile–not sure tho maybe id rather do nadya from bitchin kitchen..
At least you’d get a nice meal with it…
:D hehe no kiddin
Her boobs are gone and the only thing left is the bags they came in.
time she got pregnant again~
the engineers have been trying that, but most of the sperm is dead by the time it’s pumped from Travolta’s stomach and loaded into the turkey baster.
Bwahaha!
But seriously, would you be able to swim for that damn long?
you gotta be with someone who is able to knock you up first…and tom doesn’t look up to it
It’s a shame celebs get caught up in cults. They could use their wealth and influence to do better things but they throw it away on believing alien souls cause mental illness.
Or believing that an extra-dimensional entity manifested as a human and died for a slight against that entity that had been committed generations before by people who didn’t know any better. Oh, and that entity hates gays.
bourgeois disdain! Gold Jerry, GOLD!
….she refuses tom’s ANAL-BUSINESS?
Katie got all that money & can’t get her teeth bleached? Looks like a bulimic.
Tom spent all the bleaching budget on his anus.
+1
You are definitely on to something. The teeth of a bulemic. Veneers only cover the front of the teeth, not the back, where all the acid regurgitates on its way to the toilet bowl.
Proof positive, baby.
“After the real Katie strapped a bomb to her chest”—no kidding. I think I see the crater.
The emotion chip may be working, but the cleavage chip is obviously broken.
This is the one time in my life I will EVER say I’m sorry someone left Catholicism behind. Scientology does not look good on you, Katie.
I am actually getting your writing today, Fish! lol
Wow, she looks beautiful!
Does the “S” stand for Stupid Scientology Superpower.
‘at the premiere of new movie Don’t Be Afraid Of The Dark’
Huh? I remember seeing trailers for this AGES ago. I thought it had already come and gone. Probably not a good sign.
Ditto for the “should touch-up my grey hair” chip.
This pic is effin’ PRICELESS!! Could his feelings be written on his face any more plainly?
Thought bubble above Katie’s head:
“Mmhmm just keep smiling and laughing at the little man’s jokes and I can keep buying Prada.”
tom cruise is looking gooood! i was thinking about how i would totes hit it.. but then i got sad when thinking about the things he would do to my brain and the things he would never do to my vagina :(
She looks 12.
She and Suri will soon look like sisters.
Your Snick joke was HILARIOUS!
Someone feed this woman a sammich.
I think you misspelled “emoticon” in the headline….
I see the shock collar is on the fritz again.
Katie Holmes is ugly. Having downwards and unattractive eyes, wide mouth and dark skin. Don’t know why Tom Cruise choose her over Nicole Kidman
…she is famous because of Tom Cruise. Not from her own talent and beauty