The Emotion Chip On This New Katie Holmes Model is Astounding

Here’s Katie Holmes at the premiere of new movie Don’t Be Afraid Of The Dark which surprisingly is not a remake of the Snick show Are You Afraid Of The Dark? because she hasn’t earned that yet. (Old people found that joke hilarious, I just told myself.) In the meantime, the enhancements Tom Cruise has made to her emotion processor are light years beyond the previous models he used to tote around after the real Katie strapped a bomb to her chest and took out a re-education center in Phoenix. Granted he went a little heavy on the freaky laughter algorithm, this puppy is capable of elation, coquettish-ness and bourgeois disdain for questions beneath its station.

REPORTER: Katie, is it true Tom controls you with a remote app on his phone?
KATIE: *whips head* How dare you? — Initiate. Kill. Sequence.
TOM: Ahahaha! Such a kidder. *throws down smoke pellets* K8-E, jetpack protocol! NOW!
KATIE: Firing feet rockets, Master!

Photo: Fame, INFdaily, Splash News