So Katie Holmes Is Changing Suri’s Name Now

Probably because her name means “Daddy has lot of friends that are boys and if you see them taking showers together, give mommy two sleepy pills instead of one” in Xenu-ese, Katie Holmes is reportedly changing Suri Cruise’s name because let’s just assume her part of the divorce settlement reads, “Can do whatever she wants as long as whatever she wants isn’t telling people Tom Cruise can’t fly. WHICH HE CAN. (Cross out that last part, and we’ll shoot you in the dick with telekinesis.)” Via Gawker:

Now reports that Katie “hates” the name Suri and has taken to calling her “Scout,” after the To Kill a Mockingbird character named for one of Demi Moore’s daughters. She also apparently wants to give Suri “Cruise” as a middle name and change her surname to “Holmes.”
Scout Cruise Holmes.

When reached for comment, Tom Cruise said, “Ha! You can’t rename a robot. What an id- I mean, uh, hey, I made that kid by putting my daddy part in Katie’s mommy part. (Please tell me I said that right.)”

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