Katie Holmes Has No Idea What To Do With Herself

August 1st, 2012 // 36 Comments
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With Tom Cruise whisking Suri Cruise off to Disney World so he can secretly set her to ‘Matricide’ inside Space Mountain and his team of bodyguards no longer surrounding Katie Holmes so she doesn’t speak, think or come in contact with Thetan-contaminated surfaces, here she is yesterday with a shitload of free time on our hands, and no idea what to do with it. She probably walked up to random strangers begging them for instructions.

KATIE: Excuse me. Would you mind telling me what to do?
STRANGER: Get lost, lady.
KATIE: Ooh, a command! Thanks. — Say, do you wanna be my boyfriend?
STRANGER: I’m homeless. Will you let me live in your house?
KATIE: Only if you tell me to.
STRANGER: Wait, aren’t you the broad who drives that guy around who has sex with guys like me then dumps the bodies in the river?
KATIE: I was hoping you wouldn’t remember that. *shoots him with a ray gun* I mean, wait! Stupid reflexes.

Photos: Pacific Coast News


  1. Govt. Cheese

    She should do Anal. Yes Anal. That always spices up your life!

  2. Johnny P!

    The most human, regular, just-hangin’-around type of girl she’s looked in years.
    I say give her another six months to a year, and she’ll be attractive, vibrant, and acting in some good pics.

    • Jack Ketch

      She always was a vivacious person, always smiling naturally … Tom Cruise and Scientology sucked the life out of her. She got out just in time. She can be herself now. God, how I hate that smarmy, phoney, weasel-faced, lift-wearing midget. Add liar to that … according to the unauthorized biography, he is a very accomplished liar.

  3. Katie Holmes Without Suri NYC
    Commented on this photo:

    maybe she could stop in vic secrets and pick up a BRA ???

  4. Suri really sucked the perkiness right outta her, didn’t she?

  5. mamamiasweetpeaches

    married or single, you make MOVIES, Katie. Stop dressing like a dumpster-diving hobo!

  6. Cock Dr

    “a shitload of free time…and no idea what to do with it.”
    May I suggest finding a nice tall atheist straight guy?

  7. USDA Prime McBeef

    She could write a totally fictitious book about being married to gay man caught up in a huge cult. Total fiction though. Totally fiction, right $cientology and your pesky lawyers and NDAs, total fiction.

    • Dick Hell

      It couldn’t help but be better than anything ever written by L. Ron Hubbard. Anybody who ever referred to him as an author was being extraordinarily generous.

  8. direchef

    She should update her contact prescription since she no longer has to look at gay, midget cock.

  9. Katie Holmes Without Suri NYC
    Commented on this photo:

    “You stowe my cowor!”

  10. Katie Holmes Without Suri NYC
    Commented on this photo:

    Now, where did I leave my dignity? Hmmm… Weird.

  11. alex

    I would tap that ass.

  12. cc

    Sort of like someone walking out the gates of a prison after serving a long stretch. ‘Whoooaaaa, I am free…’

  13. Katie Holmes Without Suri NYC
    Commented on this photo:

    What is wrong with her? Why is she always dressed like it’s fall in New York? When it’s one of the hottest summers on record.

  14. Katie Holmes Without Suri NYC
    Frank Burns
    Commented on this photo:

    “Is . . is that a space alien over there? You mean Scientology was right? Ah, shit!”

  15. It’s too bad the only way she can even up her eyes is to tug on her scalp.

  16. Katie Holmes Without Suri NYC
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s always wearing the fugliest jeans.

  17. El Jefe

    She is going to be loads of fun for someone or a bunch of someones in the near future.

  18. diametral

    man, i love these little dialogs at the end of articles …

  19. Brit

    Looks like her boobs don’t know what to do either. One’s most definitely heading downwards and the other’s checking out breaking right.

  20. Katie Holmes Without Suri NYC
    Commented on this photo:

    Still dressing mannish with a sour expression on her face. I’d have thought she’d have a massive perma-grin on her face by now.

  21. She should pick up tin cans in Central Park with her beaver.

  22. Sue Rosenorn

    Articles said she fired all of Tom’s people and got her own bodyguards. Did they all go with Suri so that the Scientologists can hurt Katie now?

  23. Katie Holmes Without Suri NYC
    Commented on this photo:

    After standing next to Tom Cruise for so long, Katie still makes everyone around her look like a midget by comparison.

  24. Katie Holmes Without Suri NYC
    Commented on this photo:

    This is how you look when you realize you put your pants on backwards.

  25. She could write a totally fictitious book about being married to gay man caught up in a huge cult. Total fiction though. http://bit.ly/Nv74g9

  26. Katie Holmes Without Suri NYC
    Commented on this photo:

    How would you look if the child you’re trying to protect from weird daddy’s “auditing & do/have whatever my millions can buy-I’ll carry you forever and never say no to you” had YOUR CHILD alone @ Disneyland for the 1st time since you blindsided him? Give the woman a break!

  27. Katie Holmes Without Suri NYC
    The Guy Who Wrote That
    Commented on this photo:

    Scott Caan’s inner monologue: “They’re pap’ing me?! Woah?! Stay cool Scotty.. look off to the left.. keep it natural”

  28. Katie Holmes Without Suri NYC
    The Guy Who Wrote That
    Commented on this photo:

    mmm mmm mmm about saffron.. mmm mmm something something.. they call them hollow yellow.. quite rightly..

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