Kathy Griffin weds couple, laughs obnoxiously

March 10th, 2008 // 56 Comments

Kathy Griffin performed the wedding ceremony for a New York couple on Saturday. The couple had sent Kathy a request and considering she’s completely unemployable, the comedian said yes. Kathy became an ordained minister over the Internet and flew out from Los Angeles to marry lovebirds Brian Ankstey and Elsa Shapiro, according to NY Daily News:

Griffin’s 10-minute service was peppered with blue language and X-rated jokes about the couple’s sex life.
She also made the bride recite the menu for the reception.
“What did you get for the boring vegetarians and vegans?” Griffin wanted to know. “They’re such a pain at these things.”

Ha! Reciting the menu? Now that’s comedy. Anyway, what surprised me the most is that the couple are actually fans of Kathy Griffin. Which sort of debunks a long-held theory of mine that every person alive wants her to eat a ball of anthrax. I always felt that one was the most scientific. Followed closely by my wang being a nuclear love machine from the future.

Photos: Getty Images
superficial

  1. dfedd

    she is still beautiful.I saw her before on a celebrity and millionaire dating site named “Searching Millionaire dot com”.

  2. Em

    Really? You give us Kathy Griffin first thing on a Monday morning? And the day after Daylight Saving, to boot? I mean, really? Sheesh.

  3. hey dfedd, you forgot to yell First!!!

    Now, go away..

  4. Jennifer

    Kathy Griffin? She was said to be fond of internet recently. Some of her fans found her on a millionaire&celebs club BillionaireCupid.co m. She has a personal account there with her pictures, blog…In her friend circle, some other stars can be found there.

  5. fergernauster

    OK, Superfish guy/gal. Enough. Two stories on the Catwoman in as many days…

    Obsessed much?

  6. Captain-Insano

    Jennifer and dfedd? They were said to be right at the top of my “people to hunt down and kill list”. They both have reservations on youaresofuckingdead.com. I wonder if tis true? It is said there will be pictures of their mutilated corpses there.

  7. fergernauster

    I still cannot believe it!

    I cooked a chicken yesterday but neglected to remove the bagged giblets inside the cavity before roasting. Boy, was I in for a pleasant surprise upon discovering this “error” later. But, you know, steamed neck and chicken liver are very tender when done this way! I think I will do likewise in the future, and you may want to try this also!

  8. stretchmark

    Jesus. She doesn’t even have a decent body *shiver* to at least make up for that unfortunate mug.

  9. pointandlaugh

    she scares me

  10. Buffon in a Blue Coat

    Wow–I would say that her male equivalent would be one ‘Andy Dick’.

  11. #7 I hate it when that happens!!

  12. LL

    Eh, I like Kathy Griffin. I don’t worship her, but I think she’s funny. She’s at least (at the very least) as funny as Jim Carrey, and he continues to be paid millions to appear in movies and be “funny.” I put the word “funny” in quotes because he’s about as actually funny as, well, Robin Williams. Who is also incomprehensibly often cast in “funny” movies, for the same reason. So I see your “Kathy Griffin isn’t funny,” Superficial, and raise you “Neither are Jim Carrey and Robin Williams.” Top that!

    Oh, and are Jennifer and dfedd the last people on earth to realize that millionaires don’t go to websites to find girlfriends. They go to the Playboy mansion and high school parking lots. Zing!

  13. Felix

    she is fond to be said of internet recently! seems he has a kind following on ‘Transsexuals Meet Bitch dot com.com’ I here there are many goodlooking haired mates on there!

  14. fergernauster

    #12… Just out of curiosity… who else besides Ms. Griffin would you label “funny”?

    Kindest regards.

  15. oh please

    is she still dating that fat billionaire guy? that is her only hope of income cause she has no talents of her own.

  16. This site is like a mystery to me. The way entire articles disappear, then reappear, sometimes out of order, like what the fuck happened to the Matt Damon post, it used to be right below this one, now GONE!!!

    I blame it on dfedd..

  17. mike

    Kathy Griffin is probably the celeb that most closely resembles Frist.

  18. She’s not ugly, it’s just that voice… Ugh.

    Makes me seizure like Kramer when he hears Mary Hart.

  19. Her mascara makes it look like a pair of tarantulas are crawling out of her eyeballs.

  20. The only good thing about this post are the Alyssa Milano ads on the sides.

  21. fergernauster

    I hear ya, FRIST. It’s a mystery to me, also.

    I blame it on Barack Obama’s camp.

  22. #18: How can you say she’s not ugly? Do you have eyes?

  23. fergernauster

    It’s the spackle on her face that does it for me.

    I want to lick off every ounce of that sour paste until she squeals like a porked pregnant pig and climaxes softly.

  24. RENEE

    Didn’t Kathy star in that movie “TransAmerica” ??? She was pretty good in it; almost believable as a woman, haha. But seriously, I think she needs just a little more makeup on in these photos here…its just not caked on enough….put another layer on there, Kathy. I guess all that plastic surgery still wasn’t enough to make her love herself. Blech. I would feel bad for her, but she’s such a shitty “comedian” and annoying person in general, that I just can’t; I can only make fun of her. What a little meanie I am. The Monday Morning Meanie.

  25. welll....

    22-
    she isn’t supposed to be hot.
    She is a 50 year old comdienne who makes fun of herself.

  26. Auntie Kryst

    @7 Ferg, you’re Older Mom? Right on! I missed you’re stuff.

    PS in keeping with the post, Kathy Griffin is damned. No not damn funny, damned!

  27. Maximus

    This woman is the single most un-funny, think-she’s-a-comedienne bore I’ve ever seen try to tell a joke. Even Ellen Degeneres is funnier.

  28. Ahmed

    “At least five U.S. soldiers on foot patrol were killed and three others wounded in a suicide bombing Monday in Baghdad, U.S. military officials in Iraq said. Four soldiers were killed in the blast and one more died later of wounds, the military said.”

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

    Can’t even defeat a bunch of guys running around barefoot with weapons they put together in the kitchen. Losers!

  29. Pilatunes

    ‘comedian’? Since when? I never remember her being funny.

  30. Monique

    This is why many Americans are obese and unhealthy, because they sit on these kinds of sites all day long posting meaningless comments on dumb pictures. Get out and ride a bike or take a run around the park. Might do a bit of good for y’all.

  31. absolute2

    She looks still sexy. I saw her profile on millionaire&celeb dating site “WealthyRomance.com” last week. Is she single now?

  32. snap!

    Somewhere out there there is a man willing to mount her.

  33. Rex T

    If tweren’t for Miss Kathy, us tranny sisters would have that much less material to work with. So you GO, girl! xo xo

    Much love,
    Rex T.

  34. OutRunner1

    Man, this article just deflated the stiffy I had worked up over Kate Hudson’s ass.

    And @30, the joke’s on you! I’m neither obese or unhealthy AND I’m stuck at work. I can’t get out and ride a bike. I can only sit at my desk and decrease my productivity by sitting on these kinds of sites all day long posting meaningless comments on dumb pictures. Take that bossman! *instinctively cringes in anticipation of whipping*

  35. I think she and Sarah Silverman should do a real life celebrity death match. If we’re lucky, both will lose.

  36. D. Richards

    Oh, shit, what a close call!

    I thought the title said ‘Kathy Griffin weds.’

  37. Susan

    Kathy Griffin is the inner woman of most of the male commenters here. Between their cattiness and their obsession with women’s asses (#34, for example), you can tell they’d be happier living as Kathies.

  38. Kristin

    Hey, lay off. Kathy Griffin’s freaking hilarious.

  39. D. Richards (Self Mater.)

    I would hit it. Funny or not, I’d split that like a dry timber in January.

  40. Serial Rapist

    I’d ram it up her ginger corn hole.

  41. Zee Brat

    Woooooooooooooooooooooooooo Go Kathy Go! Love her!

  42. Yikes!

    She is so damn obnoxious and annoying.

  43. woodhorse

    Kathy Griffin is one of those things you don’t let your children see.

  44. The Laughing God

    My peach cobbler was so nice on Saturday. See the trick is to, make sure the peach is firm, but not too firm, soft, but not too soft, almost pre-rot, pre, not rot. Then to dice them up and mix it all together with my “special ingredients list”. Shh! I am not telling you! Martha has been after that recipe for years! The glower on her face when she looked over at her husband Mathew and saw his face awash with pleasure on his first bite is the only thing that give me pleasure my old years. Mercy me! Mercy me! Oh, ho, ho…no, no I think I will cut back on the amount of marijuana in it next time.

  45. mike

    WTF? Half the time I come to this site today, this…thing…is the top story. As Frist’s daughter’s baby daddy said just before he walked out for good, I’m tired of looking at this ugly red-haired skank.

  46. aja

    hey # 30- YOU’RE ON HERE POSTING COMMENTS ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE’S COMMENTS, SO THAT MAKES YOUA FAT ASS HYPOCRITE, RIGHT DUMB BITCH?

  47. At least if they are huge Kathy Griffin fans, they probably wanted her to turn their wedding into a mean-spirited roast. I can’t imagine what their poor guests thought tho….

  48. jan hutchin

    Sh’s a COMEDIAN, not a movie star. Who cares what she looks like?

  49. Joco

    Not only is she not hot, but she is repulsive looking. Her voice is annoying and her jokes are about as funny as the botulism. I guess there’s a few nappy headed whores who like her because she curses, therefore she’s “edgy” and “hip”

  50. Well, her looks don’t count for anything, and neither do her acting skills or sense of humor.

    I don’t understand how this woman has fans, or why the hell someone would want her to preform their wedding ceremony. I give that marriage 4 months, tops.

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