Kathy Griffin is divorced

September 27th, 2005 // 46 Comments

Kathy_Divorce.jpgComedian Kathy Griffin, co-host to Star Jones in all E! red carpet events and former co-star to Brooke Shields in Suddenly Susan, has filed for divorce after four and a half years of marriage to computer technician Matt Moline.

I can’t help but think that Star Jones has a hand in this. (And the other stuck in one of those bulk jelly bean dispensers. Honestly, Star, just pay the 75 cents.) We’ve all seen The Little Mermaid. We’ve seen what Star did to Ariel, trying to steal her man and get all up in her business and kill her. And if you think about it, Kathy Griffin would look a lot like Ariel is she was half fish, or if Ariel was half foul-mouthed crazy bitch. Or all foul-mouthed crazy bitch. Or all foul-mouthed crazy hilarious.

Anyway, the point is: Star Jones tried to kill every little girl’s animated hero, and Kathy Griffin is not Star Jones. Therefore, Star Jones must pay for breaking up Kathy Griffin’s marriage. And admit it, even though there is literally no sense to my argument, you somehow still agree with me, don’t you?

superficial

  1. mutterhals

    the new editor is giving me an ass ache!!!

  2. jon

    My god. I actually read that.

  3. jackkerouac

    Wow, this new editor sucks major ass!

  4. Perspicacity

    Someone fire that obnoxious little child. Please, before I stop coming here :(

  5. HillaryYoung

    Christ. I totally agree with the above posts. If I discovered this site today, I would dismiss it as decidedly UNfunny amateur horsesh*t. So please go back to being funny, that would be awesome.

  6. Horace H. Kempster

    That was pretty bad. Is there a new writer or something, I come to this site for the smart writing, not some wanna-be hacky shit.

  7. Joe Mamma

    They should hire Miguel from fatchicksinpartyhats.com.

    Then it would read somthing like…

    “And porker Kathy Griffin was being attacked by eat-beast Star Jones. Are you made of Ham? fatty Jones asked.”

    Ahh the classics.

  8. Thundercleese

    Yeah, I was kinda wondering about the writing on this one. Until now, everything I read in here made me laugh out loud, but this one? Not so much.

    Oh, and insofar as Griffin and Jones go? I can’t look at either of them without fear of bringing up breakfast. Jones is just a few sandwiches away from exploding, and that obnoxious Griffin has gone too far with the surgeries. Talk about a forehead, that broad has got a fivehead.

    Blecch!

  9. mutterhals

    Long live Miguel!!! Talented writers of the world unite!!

  10. yesdnil311

    Ursula was PURPLE! And had GREY hair! Completely different.

  11. Obsessa

    What the hell is this? It doesn’t even make sense. How the hell does Little Mermaid remind him of Star Jones? Because of the name? Lame!
    Bring back the old guy. There wasn’t a day that he made me laugh. They were classics. Now, this whole page is a pile of crap.

  12. Eukonidor

    I am simply not amused anymore. I remember when I found this website, and I spent days silently cackling in my cubicle looking through the archives. Remember the post on folding JLo’s big underwear in that extra fancy way? Yeah me too. Good times… Not so much anymore. I’m sad.

  13. d'eeznutz

    How did everyone know there was a new editor? Just cause of the poopydoops star/kathy thing… i mean is it just a guess that there is a new editor?

  14. mutterhals

    Do you see what you’ve done, The Superficial? Your tearing this family apart!!

  15. peytonisabella

    My web browser must work differently than yours because, see, I have to type this website into my browser in order to get to this site… while obviously your computer is automatically making you come to this site against your will… or maybe someone is holding a gun to your head, forcing you to read what you say is so terribly un-funny?

  16. If Star Jones resembles any Disney character it is actually one of the fat Muses in Hercules, not Ursula in The Little Mermaid.

  17. Diana

    I do not undestand how Star Jones HAS anything to do with Kathy Griffins divorce or ANYTHING to do with the Little Mermaid, WEIRD. I think her divorce probably has more to do with her being incredibly annoying. I saw a picture of her with her husband and I was thinking how the hell does anyone put up with her.

  18. HillaryYoung

    Re: peytonisabella
    It’s kind of like the end stage of a relationship. You come back for more and poke around for a while hoping things have changed; you don’t give it all up instantly.

    To whoever asked, there were a bunch of entries a while back about hiring a new editor, then he/she apparently got hired and the site began to suck. So we blame the new guy. Bastard.

  19. Tommy Cruise

    I’m not sure what Star Jones has to do with this. Or anything, for that matter. However, my main question is – “Who the hell would marry Kathy Griffin in the first place?”

    My guess is that the drugs she’s been slipping in his drinks finally stopped having an effect on him. So when he came to his senses, the first thing he did was file for a divorce. Okay, first he threw up for three hours straight, and THEN filed for a divorce. And then soaked his whole body in ammonia, just to get rid of the smell.

  20. WhitePointer

    he wasnt the creator Obsessa, just the dude who wrote most of the Superficial when many of us dicovered it. The creator is still here, but it seems like he spends most of his time on his other sites.

  21. Ragin_Pope_Angus

    deathSTAR Jones is evil and must be destroyed. “Man the harpoons, matey, she’s going to ram the ship!”

    Kathy need to get a grip on reality and a trip to my dungeon to show repentence for her sins. Kathy, your master demands you avert your eyes from the Jones and break the cycle of voluntary surgery.

  22. Dawn7

    OWWWWWWWWWWW! My brain hurts from Reading that…the sentences were long, fragmented, and confusing and it was completely off subject and ridiculous..please…have mercy..I hope the next article is better..

  23. stinkypinky

    Is it just me or is the new editor getting worse? Not only is it not funny but now nothing seems to even make sense.

  24. FearLeSphere

    I don’t know what everyone is complaining about, this article made me laugh out loud and then some, Star Jones is Ursula the Sea Witch, I thought it was funny and the previous articles were funny as well, in fact I believe the articles are a riot. Good job new editor!

  25. mutterhals

    re fearlesphere

    you have a horrible sense of humor

  26. Obsessa

    Thank you WhitePointer.

  27. dolphin4711

    Sorry to say that, but the new editor does not have what it takes.

  28. d-list

    how sad, i’m going to have to move sites… and i loved his site so much :(

    btw… has anyone noticed that when andy dick dresses in drag and plays “daphne aguilera” he looks just like kathy griffin??

    look:
    http://7daynet.org/aguilera/cousin/andy-top-1.jpg

  29. andrewthezeppo

    Thats actually really sad I think.

    I watch My Life on the D-List and I thought Kathy and Matt would make it.

    In other news I’m excited retarded monkey’s have taken over this site and are running rampant. Also Star Jones is Grimmace= Funny Star Jones is The Sea Witch = lame

  30. backfat

    lol at star’s face. :B

  31. thanks for all the updates on where the Hilarious old writer went. Now i’ll once again be able to snicker at work.

  32. mikeindo

    Kathy Griffin looks like Tootsie.

  33. no.name

    tootsie… or andy dick in drag.

  34. GreenGoddess

    This is the Little Mermaid reference, I’m assuming..

    http://galleryoftheabsurd.typepad.com/14/star_jones_/index.html

  35. izzy

    whatever that post meant, it sucked. that is all.

  36. I can’t believe this! I mean, just a week or so ago I was reading an interview with Kathy Griffin and she was talking about how wonderful her husband, house, and overall life is these days. My, how things change — and fast.

  37. mikeindo

    hey no.name, i’m going to assume you didnt see what d-list had posted just 2 hours before you…

  38. mikeindo

    anyway, I’M RIGHT. the andy dick-in-drag comparison is humorous, but they can only be considered caricatures of each other at best. seriously, you relax tootsie’s perm and remove glasses– presto! kathy griffin in that pic. trust me, cuz i’ve studied tootsie’s face for centuries. case closed. this post is so kick-a$$ that this should be the final one.

  39. dolphin4711

    ….and so it is!

  40. saveme

    star jones ate kathy griffith.

    and then she had gastric bypass. so everything she once ate is slowly deteriorating. take, for example, kathy griffith’s life.

  41. Martin92

    If I were the computer nerd, I would have divorced that botox compulsive red head after I maried her; preferably just so I could take the money and stop sitting in front of a computer all day.

  42. joeybswift

    star jones, clearly as maniacal as ursula. the one who scared all of us 8 years olds more than any cartoon character ever.

  43. no.name

    does d-list post here? uhh.. is that even a person?

  44. no.name

    oh, my bad :P
    i see now. that daphne aguillera thing a while back is what had me thinking that. maybe i should actually read all of these comments before posting anything. ;)

  45. I can not see one of them, without fear of raising breakfast. Jones is a few sandwiches not to exploit, and that nasty Griffin has gone too far with the surgery.

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