Comedian Kathy Griffin, co-host to Star Jones in all E! red carpet events and former co-star to Brooke Shields in Suddenly Susan, has filed for divorce after four and a half years of marriage to computer technician Matt Moline.
I can’t help but think that Star Jones has a hand in this. (And the other stuck in one of those bulk jelly bean dispensers. Honestly, Star, just pay the 75 cents.) We’ve all seen The Little Mermaid. We’ve seen what Star did to Ariel, trying to steal her man and get all up in her business and kill her. And if you think about it, Kathy Griffin would look a lot like Ariel is she was half fish, or if Ariel was half foul-mouthed crazy bitch. Or all foul-mouthed crazy bitch. Or all foul-mouthed crazy hilarious.
Anyway, the point is: Star Jones tried to kill every little girl’s animated hero, and Kathy Griffin is not Star Jones. Therefore, Star Jones must pay for breaking up Kathy Griffin’s marriage. And admit it, even though there is literally no sense to my argument, you somehow still agree with me, don’t you?