Kate Moss dumps Pete Doherty

kmoss_dumps.jpgI’m never going to understand how loser crack addicts like Pete Doherty manage to get with supermodels like Kate Moss. In an effort to make the Universe right again though, Kate has reportedly dumped Pete after he got into a violent street brawl with a gang of Somalis.

The supermodel is so fed up worrying about the wayward singer, she ordered him to move out of her country mansion.

Before leaving for a modelling job in America, she told him in a tearful call: “Make sure your bags are gone by the time I return.”

Mum-of-one Kate, 31, told friends: “I still love Pete but can’t put up with his unpredictability any more. It’s not like I’m 17 and don’t mind not knowing where he is and who he is with. I love him so much and he has broken my heart. I feel like a devastated schoolgirl.”

Plus there’s really no reason for a woman like Kate Moss to be with somebody so pathetic that she could beat the crap out of them. It makes perfect sense for supermodels to love me – considering I was named Cosmopolitan’s sexiest human ever and I’m filthy rich – but there’s really no reason for them to be lowering themselves to fools like Pete. In the future, any supermodels who are about to get with some shaggy-looking druggie should just break it off and move in with me instead. I’ve got a giant trampoline in my backyard and it’s totally sweet.

Thanks to Linc for the tip.