Kate Moss and Pete Doherty to marry

April 7th, 2006 // 78 Comments

kate-moss-doherty-marry.jpgKate Moss and Pete Doherty are planning to marry later this year, with Doherty telling The Sun::

“We are going to marry. It’s going to happen at a Scottish castle somewhere between September and November. A posh Scottish castle. That’s going to be so cool.”

Additionally, the Daily Star is reporting that Kate is paying $20,000 to help get Pete’s teeth fixed after years of smoking, drinking and poor personal hygiene have destroyed them. A source says:

“The only way to save their romance is to save his teeth. Pete suffers from terrible halitosis because he rarely brushes his teeth. But he’s terrified of losing her so he’s agreed to see the dentist.”

I’ve decided to bump Pete Doherty up from part-time homeless man to personal hero. Anybody that can be arrested every other week for the past year, get beaten up by his girlfriend, and look generally disgusting while still managing to trick a supermodel into marrying him must be some sort of mind manipulation God. I’m afraid to be in the same room as him in the off chance he works his voodoo and I end up naked in a dumpster.


  1. CheekyChops

    Have you seen his teeth? They are like a row of condemned buildings.

  2. Lexi

    They’re registered at several different drug dealers around town. I’m gonna go out and get them a gift today before all the good ones are taken… Oh wait just kidding, all they registerd for was coke, coke, and more coke.

  3. tits_on_snack

    Good to know I’m up early every morning and working eight hours a day to just barely pay my bills, while some coke-head criminals who don’t brush their teeth are getting married in posh scottish castles.

  4. Lala

    Well…at least she’s got her priorities right. Because when I’m in a drug induced haze looking at the future stepfather of my child, I just can’t stand looking at snaggleteeth.

  5. Danielabella

    Amen #3

  6. honeycomb's_big_yeahyeahyeah

    Instead of a fluffy white cake they can have a big smouldering crack pipe with a little bride and groom on top.

    This article makes me horny.

  7. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    #6 – you, too?
    This reminds me of something Chris Rock once said, about two people needing to have similar interests for the relationship to work, and how two crackheads would last forever. Too bad I’m not as funny as Chris Rock.

  8. veronica

    nor smelling the funk of dead animal and year old garbage every time he opens his mouth, #4…

    that… is gross…

  9. PapaHotNuts

    I’ve seen saw blades with better teeth than this gimp.

    Personally, I want to kick this guy in the nuts. I work out everyday. I make good money. I brush my teeth at least twice a day. I’m 5’9 and weigh 200 lbs and have little body fat. I don’t do any drugs. I love football, baseball, baseketball, etc. I haven’t been arrested in a while. I’m saying I’m an OK guy.

    This kid obviously doesn’t understand the term “exercise”. His music is awful (for me at least). He has ten teeth and 4 of those are in is pocket. He does enough coke to put Pepsi out of business. He couldn’t throw a baseball 10 feet if you spotted him 9. Prison is his second home. And he’s marrying a rich supermodel, a coked out road-whore supermodel, but a supermodel none the less. Yes I’m jealous. Yes I’m whining. God hates me. And I hate Pete Doherty.

  10. veronica

    or maybe not… she probably can’t smell cuz she already fucked up her sense of smell from all of that coke, so she just has a problem with his teef…

  11. tits_on_snack


  12. tits_on_snack

    word, #10. A steady diet of cocaine and cigarettes pretty much eliminates all sense of smell and taste, and in a darkened nightclub it’s difficult to see somebody’s jack-o-lantern teeth. She probably thinks she’s bagged herself a real catch.

  13. Sounds like if Kate marries this idiot she is as big a freak as he is. The now represent everything in society that is wrong…drugs, buying too many jags, bad teeth, criminality, and thinness!

  14. Italian Stallion

    But if he gets his teeth done, he won’t be able to take over for Mike Myers as the new Austin Powers….
    That sucks, I was looking foward to that!!!!

  15. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    Lets turn this thread into personal ads for all who wish to post:
    I’m 5’10, 130 lbs, good genes, long blonde hair, ass like a 24, hygenic, smart, I drink and do drugs as often as possible, I spend a lot of time on the internet writing to people I don’t know, I cry myself to sleep most nights, and I’m looking for the L.D.

  16. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh


  17. veronica

    mmmm…. cocaine and cigarettes…. reminds me that i have to make a stop after work.

    lol… at jack-o teeth.

  18. hotintempe

    Cocaine my ass….he was smoking drugs.

  19. prideofchucky

    Pete Doherty’s cleaning up his act?!?! No! Say it aint so Pete! Don’t do it- I still believe in you! Crash and burn baby for a few more spells THEN clean up. Oh well…

    (Superficial- what’s up with you ignoring the Pete Doherty serenades Mike Tyson story? whatever)

  20. so Kate has gone from Johnny Depp to Jefferson Hack (not the greatest name for a journalist but probably apt) to Pete Doherty. Talk about a trip down the evolutionary ladder. Next year she’ll be dating a Bolivian tree slug. With nice teeth

  21. c1ndy

    All British men have teeth like that. Fact.

  22. St.Minutia

    Papa, God told me he doesn’t hate you at all. He thinks you’re funny. But, you can’t be funny if you have a lot of money, a beautiful life, hot dates and, perfect hair. (Perfect teeth are optional). It’s the cross you have to bear to keep us all laughing. Sorry.

  23. PapaHotNuts

    #15 Damn Osh, that’s fucked up. I was just making the point of why I want to kick that dude in the nuts.

    And as far as your ” spend a lot of time on the internet writing to people I don’t know”, please, pretty please, go count your number of post versus anyone else here, and I’ll find that you have a serious cry for help. Unlike you, I’m just bored in my office, it’s not a way of life. I do feel bad that you cry yourself to sleep at night. Just turn your over-used vibrator on the low setting and pretend your sleeping next to a snoring boyfriend. Or a purring cat. Whatever.

  24. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    Mr. HotNutz,
    Settle down kemosabe, I WAS talking about myself, not you. It’s called self-deprecation, and it gets me throught the day. I hate having to explain myself all the time… but that’s what happens when you are a stupid jerk (another example of Self Deprecation). Sorry for the confusion. I’m going to go masterbate in the break room now, I hope the janitor doesn’t catch me again.

  25. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    P.S. You are mean.

  26. lomies

    He needs his teeth repaired from all the times Kate’s bashed them in.

  27. Dr.Rokter

    So what? Kate Moss would fuck a pack mule for a nickle.

  28. whackjob

    r.e. the photo. Hum along to Marilyn Manson’s “the beautiful people”.

    They look like a couple skags. I wouldn’t let ‘em on my furniture without a decontamination procedure.

    Drugs are cool and everything is beautiful.

  29. He just had too much moss on his teeth which caused her to have too much Dough in her crotch. God thats a crappy joke, but in fairness, this is a really crappy couple. This guy looks like he’s covered with scummy sweat 15 min. after stepping out of his monthly shower.

  30. gsprescueguy

    This is your brain on drugs.

    Supermodel to superskank with addict boyfriend/husband.

    He could probably give Tom Cruise some pointers on mind manipulation. Something like “Hey Tom, get her hooked on crack, and she’ll do anything you want.”

    “And I think to myself, what a wonderful world.”

  31. OhHowCynical

    Ladies & Gents: the British version of Britney and Kev. God bless the queen.

  32. honeycomb's_big_yeahyeahyeah

    Oshkosh?? Papaw?? nooo.


    It’s like watching my parents hit each other!

  33. MP$40

    He must have a super big penis.

  34. sweetcheeks

    #33 — Or a super big coke stash! If there’s one thing the ladies love, it’s an endless cache of blow. That, and a huge wang.

    Tantric sex my ASS, Hartnet! Get hopped up on the nose candy and you can do it ALL DAY LONG.

  35. Swordman

    who cares about Pete Doherty, he is barely famous

  36. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    My uncle once taught me a trick on how to get all the slippery sluts: just put a mean smudge of blow on your mustache. Drives the ladies wild – “ladies” meaning strippers.

  37. that-dog-is-shifty-eyed

    “Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder today. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam…”

  38. aimatcha

    What a couple of twats. My only wish is that Pete Doherty hang on for a few more months. If he croaks before Whitney Houston, I lose my office death poll.

  39. Saucie

    #38 Homage to Buttaqwup.

  40. kpatton

    …you meant naked in a dumpster with a sore anus.

  41. M@ce

    Viddy well, little brother. Viddy well.

    There was me, that is Pete, and my droog, that is Kate, and we sat in the Korova Milkbar trying to make up our rassoodocks what to do with the evening. The Korova milkbar sold milk-plus, milk plus velocet or synthemesc or drencrom, which is what we were drinking. This would sharpen you up and make you ready for a bit of the old ultra-violence.

  42. wickedwomyn

    Gross…there is no excuse for nasty teeth and breath. I don’t care if you are British. Even with a decent set of choppers he is nasty.

  43. meFailEnglish?

    HA! She could have them things fixed for less than that. How much could a baseball bat and a pack of Chicklets cost, anyway?

  44. Me, I think he’s brilliant and gorgeous. Well, apart from the alleged halitosis. But then this is the Daily Star reporting, a paper which makes Fox News look like Agence France-Presse.

  45. Jonboy in SF

    So sad for Kate to go down this path. I guess Britain needs its own version of Bobby and Whitney…


    Kate, Meet Whitney, This is how it will be for you in a few years.

  47. cookie

    summer teeth

  48. gogoboots


    Ok I don’t get this at all, it must be a rumor and not true. She is not marrying this fucking drug addicted LOSER! I knew Kate couldn’t stay off the coke, it just helps keep the pounds off so well, just ask Lindsay Lohan and Nicole Richie!

  49. Saucie

    Dear Papa,

    We all realize you are an OK guy as described in your post #9. But I have to say, in true SF fashion, and I do mean this in a positive and non-critical way, those pants make your ass look big. There, I said it.

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