Kate Gosselin’s vagina is lonely

April 22nd, 2010 // 69 Comments

Kate Gosselin reportedly hasn’t been penetrated in almost 15 months and, even worse, it was by Jon Gosselin, according to Life & Style:

According to Stephanie Santoro — the family’s former nanny, who hooked up with Jon after his June 2009 split with Kate — Jon and Kate hadn’t gotten physical since the very beginning of 2009. And she knows because Jon himself told her. “The last time Jon and Kate were intimate was January 2009,” Stephanie tells Life & Style.

With that information alone, you’d just assume Kate would let the team of nannies who really raise her kids find her dead in the garage with the car running, but instead she has plans to climb the celebrity penis ladder. Starting with The Hoff. Via Popeater:

“Kate is serious about going Hollywood and thinks dating a celebrity is a great idea,” Kate’s pal tells me. “When Kate sees how Tom Cruise changed Katie Holmes life, it became clear that she needed to do the same. Obviously, she knows she’s not yet ready to date a George Clooney, but she thinks she would be the perfect partner for a Jeff Goldblum or someone like David Hasselhoff.”

You know how I know Kate Gosselin is completely batshit? She cites Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes as a successful relationship. Has she seen Katie Holmes in a movie lately? It’s like spotting Haley’s Comet if Haley’s Comet was steered by Tom Cruise in a old-time pilot’s hat and goggles. “Don’t show human emotions! Only hold Suri in your right arm! Carry me toward that chap over there! I shall want to examine him.”


  1. Darth

    The Hoff and Kate Gosselin?the new Brangelina?!

  2. cellphone

    I would like to see The Hoff eating burgers with The Eight!

  3. bimbamboing

    The question is;is there any vagina left after 8 kids?

  4. Galtacticus

    Her vagina must look like the front door of the St.Paul’s Cathedral’s in London by now.

  5. Nero

    Yikes! Is she looking for a religious guy?

  6. Rhialto

    She might be disappointed in me because i’m not religious.

  7. Darth

    He’s more philosophical,what about that dark monk outfit?

  8. who dat

    Any guy who would fuck this bitch, let alone take her on any date, would have to be brain damaged. 8 plus kids from a retarded sperm donor.

  9. Kate Gossie

    David, let’s go out for a burger!! Or maybe we’ll just eat in …

  10. Rogue Cuckold

    I would love to watch Kate being banged by her black lovers! Then perform any tongue duties required!

  11. Rogue Cuckold

    I would love to watch Kate being banged by her black lovers! Then perform any tongue duties required!

  12. jon gooseshitlin

    hot dog down a hallway.

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  14. gerardo rodriguez

    hi sexy kate gosselin so u havent been penetratred the last 15 months will ill penetrate you good with this 8 in dick be all yours baby

  15. hi sexy kate gosselin so u havent been penetrated the last 15 months is that right and u said even worst by jon gosselin well ill penetrate you with my 8 inch dick you gots to be so tight by now i think me and you should hook up i give it to you everyday you wake up and before bed time you deserve it badly u a good hot mami

  16. baby i love u so much i want to marry you and give my big dick to you since your vagina is lonely and needs a huge cock like mine k hit me up

  17. frankie
    Commented on this photo:

    I sure as hell wouldn’t touch her stinky fat vagina.

  18. Crevice Device
    Commented on this photo:

    I sure would, over and over.

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