Kate Beckinsale is the Sexiest Woman Alive

October 2nd, 2009 // 104 Comments

Kate Beckinsale has been named this year’s The Sexiest Woman Alive by Esquire’s which is a random, but not unwarranted selection. After close inspection, I’ll allow it, but Kate’s going to owe me one. I’m really putting my neck out here saying stuff anonymously on the Internet, so the least she could do is sit naked on my coffee table while I’m having people over. I’d do the same if the roles were reversed. — Or for free. (Kate, call me.)

Photos: Esquire
superficial

  1. Taint Inspector

    I wouldn’t kick her out of bed for eating crackers.

  2. Vicki Gizzle

    it must have been cold in picture 5

  3. Turd the third

    is Turd third?

  4. fuzzy Tingle Times

    NO ONE EATS CRACKERS IN MY BED!

  5. Turd the third

    is Turd third?

  6. clarkehead

    She has been tops on my list for years (next to my wife, of course). She’s absolutely stunning and, while I hate some of the roles she’s taken over the last 6 years, she’s a damned fine actress.

    Good choice, Esquire.

  7. Dread not

    Whatever is going on with Kate in pics #3 and #5, seems to have afflicted my pants. Woah!

  8. jeffG

    Yep, she sure is.

  9. Nice nice, but still can’t get over that ‘#13′ chick from House. Those photos blew my mind – still holds the primary spank bank slot

  10. Guest

    She is so sexy.
    Listen to her talk.
    look at her …
    she’s a mommy :)

  11. Maximus

    Yes. Yes, she is.

  12. Bob

    I’d love to hear somebody point of a flaw about this woman.. You’re fucked in the head if you have anything negative to say.. Totally hot chick. With or without makeup.

  13. J-Money

    Attention women of earth..This is what a REAL woman SHOULD look like. Toned, slender, and someone that obviously cares about what she looks like.

    Think of that the next time you’re shoveling pizza and ice cream (with a diet soda…since you’re watching your weight and you don’t want empty calories) into your face wondering why your all men (yes even your bf or husband) think your a fat ass.

  14. Man with Eyes

    Sexiest woman alive? Uh… no. After having her vaj ripped open to her ass by a baby’s head? Is this “Esquire” a comedy magazine?

  15. illy

    theres operations for that, asshole.

  16. york hunt

    Does it matter if she’s the sexiest woman alive? She’s not in my bed and that sucks. If I could wave some crackers and maker her get in, then Ritz and me are going to be doing a lot of business together, that’s all I know. Unless she’s a Carr’s woman. Still not a problem.

  17. bobalay

    All 3 inputs guarantied

  18. veryyy niiice
    and she had a c section #14!!

    and #13… homemade veggie thin crust with no cheese is 70 cal a slice with my recipe and as for the ice cream, try fat free sugar free soft serve!!! 40 cal every 1/2 cup!!!! and diet sode rots your teeth, try iced tea! ( no sugar of course!)

  19. Not Into Old Hags

    A 36 year old is the sexiest woman alive? More like the sexiest woman in Esquire’s demographic who would pose half naked and get photoshopped this month. No – thank you.

  20. She’s annoying. I don’t find her sexy. Feh.

  21. frank

    “The Sexiest Woman Alive” has the worst breast implants in Hollywood.

  22. M

    Disagree

  23. clpierced

    I dont know if she is the sexiest woman alive, but yes she is very beautiful! i will admit she has no flaws. plus her husband is fucking hottt. 3 some kate? :)

  24. Crabby Old Guy

    I would suck on her box so hard and for long long that she’d forget her own name.

    Well, if she’d lift that restraining order.

    Bitch.

  25. I Love Her

    I think she deserves it… who’s hotter than her? Arguably nobody (Cheryl Cole maybe?)…

  26. ******KrazyHotKelli**********

    People zay I look juzt like Kate, although younger and more beautiful, zo I can zee why they picked her, zince I waz not available. Pluz zuperficial commenterz, no one az zexy as me or Kate would let you near uz, zo crackerz would be the only thing you would eat in bed, thinking of uz.

  27. Taz

    Kate makes Megan fox look like a 5 on a scale of 1 to 10

  28. ugh

    True dat Taz. I’d love to see Kate and Naomi Watts having violently passionate sex.

  29. ugh

    True dat Taz. I’d love to see Kate and Naomi Watts having violently passionate sex–with each other.

  30. phil

    Ugh. What a fatso.

  31. Long time favorite of mine. #27 Taz is absolutely right. This is what hotness really looks like.

  32. Natalia

    @27 and 31, I was just about to say, I am soooooo glad it’s not Megan Fox on the cover.

    Kate is waaaay more beautiful, and actually has some acting talent to go along with her looks. Love it =]

  33. Dude

    She is cute, but she has ugly breasts:

    http://www.celebritysmackblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/kate-stretch-marks.jpg

    Don’t be fooled by Esquire or Photoshop.

  34. Rachel

    I am a completely straight woman, but i would have all kinds of nasty sex with her. So hot.

  35. Tanzarian

    My penis explodes with delight.

  36. EuroNeckPain

    I don’t like her that much. Plain brownish hair, plain brown eyes, and legs no long enough (it shows in the video when the camera is behind her and she is walking).
    Plus, high heel shoes in the water of a swimming pool are a turnoff. And she is trying so hard to make sexy poses. Duh.
    The title “sexiest woman alive” is wrong as usual, and should be in fact “sexiest woman among the US celebrities”. Still, I doubt there isn’t any better looking woman among the US starlets. One that is out of the “plain” area: extra long legs, shiny natural blonde hair, green eyes, …

  37. Vanquish

    Boy I love those white panties in pic 11. Wowzerz.

  38. jk

    Great body. She needs to get more professional photographer to pose her and make her come alive. I always like women who pose on fur coats. Sending a message…If you want to hit this, a huge down payment of an expensive fur coat required.

  39. bblmn man

    Horse face and no ass…cmon!

  40. Me Taz

    plain

  41. Me Taz

    fur is disgusting…….worthless bitch

  42. n

    eh, no. random choice indeed. boring face, nice body.

  43. The Rough report

    “SHE’s ALIVEEEEEEEEE” this reminds me of Frankenstein.

    Speaking of earlier times, why is she wearing white panties left from the civil war? it would’ve been nicer if it had a slit in the back.

    Here’s a more pressing question, does she allow Becks sail into uranus?

    Kate’s beauty absolutely commands attention, but S.W.A? don’t know about that, but she’s certainly a nice finish to booty juice Friday on the Fish.

  44. See Alice

    She is great looking , way out of my league , but hardly the sexiest women alive .

  45. ******KrazyHotKelli**********

    Oh, and I rezently hooked up with a mazzive black man. There are no white onez. Bitchez.

  46. helllllouu

    She’s so pretty!!!!!

  47. ha

    I saw Much Ado About Nothing in class and when my teacher told us that Hero was Kate Beckinsale, I could NOT believe her. Because I’d seen tons of pictures of Kate Beckinsale in magazines and stuff and this young actress looked nothing like her.

    So the moral of the story is that she is just as fake as Megan Fox, only the surgery turned out nicer on her.

  48. me09

    at least she doesnt look as trashy and classless as most poeople on this site but she is def not the most sexiest woaman alive ….i have seen better on the streets ..

  49. me09

    at least she doesnt look as trashy and classless as most poeople on this site but she is def not the most sexiest woaman alive ….i have seen better on the streets ..

  50. me09

    at least she doesnt look as trashy and classless as most poeople on this site but she is def not the most sexiest woaman alive ….i have seen better on the streets ..

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