Kate Upton Won’t Get Naked And It’s Your Fault

August 8th, 2014 // 28 Comments
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In a new interview with Details, Kate Upton reveals why she’ll never pose naked, and it’s because of jerks already putting photos of her all over the Internet for people to get boners from them which apparently isn’t “art” even though I ritualistically paint my penis in the style of Gustav Klimt every morning before breakfast, so maybe check your privilege, Kate:

For me those photos are art. Your body is art, your body is beautiful, and to be photographed in that way is amazing and it’s received in a very positive way. But with social media and the Internet and not so great blogs and the attention like that, I don’t think that my pictures would be received in the way that I’d want them to be received. That’s why I’ve stayed away from them. I really appreciate those photos and I think those women are beautiful, but I think social media and the Internet has prevented me from putting myself out there like that.

Kate Upton made a Hot Pockets video with Snoop Dogg, so I’m pretty sure she gave up the right to lecture anyone about art if not dinner pastries. That said, I’m personally offended that she thinks me, a “not so great” blogger, wouldn’t tastefully post her nudes to the Internet. For the record, I already have scented candles sitting right here which I will painstakingly light while the romantic Nelly ballad “Hot In Herre” plays in the background. It’ll be like a night of culture at the Louvre provided the Louvre is some sort of giant masturbating arena from TRON which I’ll argue to the death it is.

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  1. I like ‘em blonde, big tittied, and corn fed and even I’ll admit that sun is setting on that bitch anyway. Give us some straight up vag shots soon and STFU.

    Besides, seriously bitch… you show us side boob, top boob, underboob, and everything else… but keep those naughty nipples covered up. She probably took it in the ass in junior high so she could believe she’s a virgin.

    • Yes, the shelf life on this one has expired. But who will replace her? Oh, just about anyone on one those “not so great blogs”, I imagine.

  2. Short Round

    Your body is art… Hmm, I always enjoy the Twilight Zone style insights into the completely wacked mindset of celebrities. They are both frightening and hilarious at the same time.

  3. A close up of Kate Uptons breasts and nipples painted with body paint
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s okay seeing her tits like this is sufficient.

  4. ManWhoHasSeenAVagina

    Thanks, Fish. You and your blogger ilk fucked it up for the rest of us. Now where will we see the tits of a slightly chubby model who is losing the battle with aging and weight gain? It’s not like you could find dozens of them willing to undress and pose for you on ModelMayhem.

    I’d still look if she’d fucking deliver.

  5. Jimbo

    There are already plenty of picture of her to rub one out to. Why is she getting worried about it now. She has some great tits and yes she is a little chubbier than most models, but there is not one of you asshole that would turn her down if she showed up in your mothers basement and wanted to do you on the spot.

  6. buzz

    She’s pretty much done it in the past; unless she talking Playboy

    She’s a hot commodity right now. She doesn’t need to pose nude. As soon as that changes, suddenly she’ll have not issues with it and act like she never did.

  7. The worthless venting of an overrated, obnoxious cow.

    A pretty cow, no doubt, but a cow nonetheless.

  8. Anita Berber's Addictions

    “even though I ritualistically paint my penis in the style of Gustav Klimt every morning before breakfast”

    No pun intended, but penises look like they were designed by Otto Dix.

  9. you know what else is art, kate?…my tongue in your asshole…

  10. ” That’s why I’ve stayed away from them….the Internet has prevented me from putting myself out there like that.”
    She must be referring to displaying her vag. Otherwise, I have to wonder if we’re talking about the same Kate Upton.

  11. How many times have we heard that one before?I look forward to seeing you naked a few years down the road when your popularity wanes, Kate.

    I’ll remember this statement as I rub one out.

  12. Turning into a Kardashian, using camera tricks to hide the fat.

  13. It’s funny how they always wait until they hit the wall to start saying things like this.

  14. Kate Upton tucks her hair behind her head with the sun setting behind her
    Prince Phillip Anon Harris
    Commented on this photo:

    Yeh, Kate. I blame you for Rihanna’s painted on panties at the Gala. Now. Let’s figure out the punishment, and such across the buttocks, and you’re cured.

  15. Michael Buble

    “I roll out of bed, stand on a beach and make money.”

  16. mwaddams

    Sounds good now. I’ll remember this 10 years from now when you want me to look (and I won’t because you won’t be worth a click), but will you. Your time is now.

  17. Thomas

    Big boobs, that’s all. But the’re saggy…
    She has huge shoulders, the waistline of a papaya, skinny legs, zero ass and way too much gums…
    I haven’t seen anyone more overrated since Angelina “Skeletor” Jolie.
    I pass…

  18. Sam

    Not sure what she’s bitchin’ about. Is it the fakes? It can’t be the real ones..she made those. Must be the fakes that hit too close to the mark. But I’m still holding out with hope. It depends on her motivations. It’ll never be for money. Maybe the attention thing, but I don’t know. She doesn’t seem like that kind of attention hog, for some reason.

  19. Marketing Mike

    Sorry, they still aren’t real. The second she allows topless shots
    we’ll see the scars, and her pure titty legend will be over. If you
    go back to her early shots (not so easy to find now) either she had
    a tremendous “60 day” breast “growth” spurt late in Jr. High school,
    or a doctor fine tuned those all “natural” curves. The sad part is
    she’s already due for a touch up, and she isn’t even 23 yet. If you
    look a little closer, unlike most of the models she works with
    she eats like a linebacker, it’s no wonder her middle is filling in.

  20. A artist hand paints details on to the body paint bikini bottoms shown on Kate Upton
    Tits McGee
    Commented on this photo:

    Why is she a model? The only thing remarkable about her appearance is her tits and every time she talks something inane comes out.

  21. CheekyOne

    It will take a glamorous magazine like Playboy for her to show full bush.

  22. Jim

    Built like a fridge, chicken legs, pancake butt, mustache, gummy teeth. Not to mention the IQ of a doorknob.

    LOL Why is she famous again?

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