Kate Upton Hates Everything That Is Awesome And Good About Her

April 15th, 2014 // 31 Comments
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This news was too important to get lost in the onslaught of Coachella and MTV Movie Awards pics, so here’s Kate Upton saying she wishes she had smaller breasts while recognizing she’d be goddamn nobody without them. NOBODY. Via HuffPost:

That’s right, the 23-year-old admitted to The Sun that she would actually prefer a smaller chest, and thinks Cameron Diaz, someone with a much smaller chest than Upton, has the “perfect figure.” She also has some ideas on how smaller boobs would make her life a little less difficult:
“Oh, man, it would be so much easier,’ especially if people didn’t constantly bring them up… If I could just take them off like they were clip-ons.”

For someone who claims to be a Christian – Although, by definition, that would also make her retarded. – Kate Upton seems pretty hell-bent on throwing away the greatest gift God could’ve possibly given her. He puts those things there for a reason, and that reason is people getting boners while looking at my Internet site for His ways are not ours to understand. Case in point: saving this woman from a bear apparently ranks higher than not giving little kids cancer. He’s mysterious.

Photos: Terry Richardson


  1. Oh BABY

    People pay attention to Kate because of her tits, not the crap that comes out of her mouth. She’s got an IQ of ONE, which makes her two tits smarter than she is.

    Shut up, Kate. When you talk, you create an unpleasant noise that distracts from your sole talent, which is showing off your tits.

  2. Cock Dr

    It’s easy for us to love them, we don’t have to carry them around. And it does get old never having a heterosexual male look you in the eyes during introductions & conversation.
    On the other hand they have given her fame & riches so I’m not feeling a whole lotta sympathy.

  3. Kate Upton Bikini Terry Richardson
    Hugh G. Rection
    Commented on this photo:

    I have the same problem. I’m just to god damn good looking.

  4. She should be lucky that she has had pics of her from Terry Richardson with her walking around on a crunchy man batter floor that smelled like a porn shop. Those boobs were made to be shown.

  5. She’s got a stupid movie coming out pretty soon. So of course her handlers are telling her say something “controversial” or “shocking” to stir the media pot. Don’t kid yourselves, she loves those big knockers just like the rest of us.

  6. Deacon Jones

    Ive found that most women who have big tits usually show them off with lots of cleavage, or tight fitting shirts. mmmm


    nice waist.
    wherever it is.

  8. this is the most overrated ‘model’ since Cindy Crawford. I hope she does get the breast reduction and just disappears. NEXT.

  9. Ever hear Hamm or Fassbender said:
    “Dammit, I so do wish my weiner was smaller! I could wear tighter pants that fits! And vaginas would be much more easier to enter if I didn’t have so much girth! Seriously, I wish I had a baby-dick!”

    No, you didn’t. And you never will.

    Not spitting at the face of God for the plentiful gifts He bestowed upon them – yet another reason why men are superior to women.

    • Jon Hamm and Michael Fassbender have both openly complained about the unwanted attention and embarrassment. Also, assuming your own lack of empathy is how the world works doesn’t make men superior to women, it just makes you more of a shithead.

  10. That’s the woman curse, they NEVER HAPPY if they have big boobs, they wish they have small boobs, if they have small boobs they look in the mirror and say look how flat chested I am I wish I have big boobs so I can find a dress that fit me right in the front. If they have straight hair they want curly hair, etc.

    WOMEN STOP WHINING ABOUT IT AND EMBRACE your beautiful body!! You’re beautiful the way you are, own your body! :)

  11. Kate Upton Bikini Terry Richardson
    Commented on this photo:

    Without those tits she’d just be the same as any of 1,000s of cheerleaders across the country……so yeah, I’d still want to.

  12. Big or small, she’d be fun in the sack.

  13. coljack

    Fish, you’d hate your boobs, too, if you had to drag 20+ pounds off your shoulders all the time. Can’t say as I blame her for wishing they were clip-on, clip-off.

  14. anonym

    she doesn’t like her money makers?

    the fuck?

    I’ll hold them for her, and if she gets a reduction and goes broke, I’m leaving.

  15. I wear women's shoes

    As someone with natural DDDs I get where she is coming from with wanting to be able to clip them on and off. Not going to say I hate my breasts, but there are so many things that just aren’t possible. I can’t see my feet, sleep comfortably in any position, they are always knocking things over, if I get something on my shirt again can’t see it don’t know. The male dealers accuse me of cheating with my “distractions” at the 21 table….Those are just a few of the complaints among many many others.

    God forbid I ever need to run for my life. The police should just mark it down as murderer because tits were too big to run away.

  16. Mama Pinkus

    she would prefer smaller breasts, which is why she showcases her melons every chance she gets

  17. You’re more than welcome to give up all the money they’ve earned you, Kate.

    I guess since she’s in a movie now, she thinks she’s a serious actress and all that shit. Don’t kid yourself, Kate. Your tits got you where you are and they’re your greatest asset. Women cut themselves open to have what you were gifted. Appreciate them.

  18. But then why would guys want to talk to her?

  19. bob

    she’s a weird blob with huge tits. let’s not get crazy and start doing shit you can’t undo, kate

  20. MarketingMike

    Sure, she’s great to look at right now.
    Sadly, In 5 years nobody will remember her name.
    Personally I’d take Kat Denning, and never look back.

  21. Kate Upton Bikini Terry Richardson
    Commented on this photo:

    Like Kate Upton, Jennifer Love Hewitt or Kat Dennings would not have careers without their racks.

    Two Broke Girls is HORRIBLE.

    • MarketingMike

      Yea, but Kat has a smoking body, bigger tits,
      she’s funny, she’s intelligent, she’s feisty,
      and has a rep for being a wildcat in the sack.
      Kate would lay there like a big silicone pillow,
      and quietly ask “are you done yet?”

  22. “Oh, man, it would be so much easier,”

    Yeah, things will be so much easier once you lose the only things that facilitated all of your “success”.

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