Kate Upton In A Bikini Will Make It All Better

So to make up for that Ke$ha business which we’ll never speak of again – never speak of again – here’s Kate Upton in a video photo shoot for Vogue Germany where she’s either in a bikini, walking around with her shirt wide open or getting hosed down in a pool while topless because I heard you people like breasts. Now, as for the ladies who most likely demand a nice juicy Hamm-bone to attone for the “unpleasantness,” trust me when I say we’re constantly on the look out for it, but I can’t just make it appear at will. I’ve tried. I even bought a ship where my harpoonist Queequeg and I spend weeks, sometimes even months, waiting for just a glimpse of penis outline. It is our quest, our curse… I mean, uh, BOOBIES!

Photos: Bruce Weber/Vogue Germany