Kate Upton In A Bikini Will Make It All Better

December 4th, 2012 // 30 Comments
Kate Upton Topless Vogue Germany
WATCH: Kate Upton Poses For Vogue Germany
For The Ladies
Jon Hamm Penis
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So to make up for that Ke$ha business which we’ll never speak of again – never speak of again – here’s Kate Upton in a video photo shoot for Vogue Germany where she’s either in a bikini, walking around with her shirt wide open or getting hosed down in a pool while topless because I heard you people like breasts. Now, as for the ladies who most likely demand a nice juicy Hamm-bone to attone for the “unpleasantness,” trust me when I say we’re constantly on the look out for it, but I can’t just make it appear at will. I’ve tried. I even bought a ship where my harpoonist Queequeg and I spend weeks, sometimes even months, waiting for just a glimpse of penis outline. It is our quest, our curse… I mean, uh, BOOBIES!

Photos: Bruce Weber/Vogue Germany


  1. USDA Prime McBeef

    i wanna bat at them titties like a kitten with a ball of yarn.

  2. SexJihaad

    The cake is a lie.

  3. Jessica Simpson's Left Tit

    Its blatantly obvious that the guy at the end would be the one with the “Pearl Necklace”!

  4. Max Shreck

    Watching Kate Upton’s tits bounce as she rides a horse is almost enough to make me forgive horses for killing Superman.

  5. Ass Clown

    Upton? Those boobies are more like downton.

  6. Ida Smackter

    Mmm, I love her breasts. And I’m a straight female …

  7. Jill

    I finally understand the subtext of Moby Dick, thanks Fish!

  8. karlito

    after she left all the guys got together for a gay orgy.

  9. I came here immediately after looking at nude photos of Rosie Huntington-Whiteley so this was underwhelming in comparison…

    • Rosie what’s-her-face has a trout pout and weighs about 4 pounds. I feel like SHE’D be the underwhelming one, not Kate…

      • Meh. What can I say…this morning I am apparently into trout pouts on stick figures. I’ll probably circle back around to full bouncing jugs before I go to bed this evening.

      • Ha! You’re funny. As a straight female, I can relate… Different days bring different tastes in the gentlemen.

  10. I like the fact that she’s healthy and you can’t see her ribs. She looks like an old-school pin-up model or something. She’s beautiful.

  11. I don’t recall Ishmael being obsessed about the whale. It’s more like Fish is Ahab and Photo Boy is Starbuck. Oh god, this is the first time I’ve ever used my BA in English since I graduated 15 years ago.

  12. Jake

    Started cranking one out to Kate, but finished looking at the guys. But I’m no homo!

  13. skunk

    It Had To Be You(‘re Tits!)

  14. Gayle

    Too funny because everyone knows men prefer SHORT and petit woman, Kate upton is like 5 foot 10 which is manly and masculine proportions! ewww

  15. unoriginal

    Two minutes in Heaven is better than One minute in Heaven.

  16. Hmm

    Butterface. That is all.

  17. El Jefe

    Ahh those boobs, they make everything better.

    • Hilde Gerfingerpoken

      I’m going to assume all the thumbs-down comments are from people who know the tits are fakers, and don’t argue. It’s an exceptionally good boob-job, but they’re fake. And funniest of all, they look the most fake on the over of Sports Illustrated.

  18. WTF was that (aside from titties of course)
    I say she’s about due for a sex tape.

  19. Mama Pinkus

    she sags

  20. kery

    that boy looks hotttttttttttttttttttttt i love him!!!! :0)

  21. It’s been a long time since I heard that song.

    She’s beautiful. Just what I needed after stumbling home tired from work. Thank you.

  22. Snack pack

    What part of this video would Seal blow his load to?

  23. PoisonIvyLeague

    Kate, your Anna Nicole Smith is showing.

  24. GenYgirl

    Ah… Frolicking aryans.

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