We ended yesterday with Kate Upton in Esquire, so it only makes sense to start today with her Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue cover. Mostly because I like to think of this as a science blog read exclusively by academic types who can hopefully explain to me how the hell Kate Upton’s clitoris isn’t waving directly at us. I understand it’s a mythical creature, but “presuppose” it does exist, clearly it’s not where women have lied and said it is so I question how good I am at sex, but instead dwells in the butt. Which also explains what Rihanna was trying to tell us in Barbados. I just thought she needed more rum.
Photos: Sports Illustrated, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN
Meh.
My first thought, too: “Suprisingly meh.” She looked better in the Esquire pictures.
I like to think that this is her reaction to hearing that Fish just dogged the Kardashians again.
Dont get me wrong, Kate Upton is very hot. In fact, i would drink her bathwater.
That said, she’s putting on weight already, and she’s only 19. She’s going to look like a brick shithouse when she’s 30.
Of course she is… her body is storing calories for BREEDING PURPOSES! Nature moves on, even for “supermodels”. She’s in that prime window! Peak fertility!
Take me down to Sideboob City where the grass is green and girls have big titties. Oh won’t you please take me home…
Holy Hell she is bangin’
Fake tits for a Sport Illustrated cover ? It’s getting as bad as Playboy.
Uhmmm you haven’t seen her runway shows have you? Those things jiggle more than jello during an earthquake. Which is not a bad thing.
I guess not … it’s the shine that makes me suspect, and the gap between them.
Those are fucking real
In her defense they’re real. I saw a runway show where she was wearing a one piece bathing suit with no support, they hung low like real ones that big would.
Topher, I agree, there’s plenty of life in them thar hills.
Shitting photoshop job though…it hardly looks like her (the face).
They’re real and kinda small for a chubby chick. They did a decent job Photoshopping her chub away, they should also have plumped up her titties.
OK, I stand corrected, but in some shots, my god, they look fake, and in others completely real. Hmmmm …
http://palosmachos.com/kate-upton-natural-boobs/
Jack Ketch is proving to either be a virgin, or a closet homosexual. Either way, hardly any authority on tits.
Have you ever seen a pair of tits before, or understand how bra’s and bikinis work? Because it’s obvious you don’t.
@ Drew … they’re fake. I knew it.
http://news.makemeheal.com/celebrity-plastic-surgery/kate-upton-breast-implants/2711
No tits are that round, for Christ’s sake. And it’s bras … not bra’s.
That qualifies as a teeny bikeeni. I think she waxes. :-)
I like this year’s cover model better. Less of a succubus look, more CA beach bimbo.
“succubus”… take off your ascot, it’s cutting off oxygen to your cerebral cortex, my lord.
She doesn’t look that good in person. Lots of air brushing and photo shopping. She is a nearing “plus size”.
I give her less than 5 years and she will look like that pig Summer from Baywatch….what’s that things name again?
I give her a year tops; she is a big girl.
one boob is looking way bigger than the other…especially with her arm being up on that side… creepin me out a bit
Damn, I hate Photoshop. It really has ruined every modern magazine spread for me. I have to go back to one of my mom’s Cosmo’s from the 70′s to even get half a stalk anymore.
Because in those days, there was no airbrushing or retouching or photo filters or anything like that.
As someone with some professional photography background – they did overwork it – somewhat cartoonish.
And for those who can’t see it, they’re not real – the split, the circularity and the symmetry are dead giveaways. Jiggle and hang happen because the implants are saline filled – much safer should they leak. Silicone was developed to eliminate those issues.
You are all such losers.
exactly.
Only time I wish I were Sanchez’s dick.
Eating Mexican will make you fat.
Along Beyonce, I think this is one of the worst SI covers. She’s a very pretty girl but the photoshopping is ridiculous. Where is her vagina?
Am I the only one who thinks Kate Upton is just OK?
None of these girls can touch Bar, in my opinion.
Bar is blah
Do people actually buy Sports Illustrated anymore? I mean besides barber shops?
19 is a very good year. You go, Kate. World class boobs and hips. Nothing like youth. God bless.
She’s ok, certainly not the caliber of past SI cover girls. I was actually surprised when I saw her profile on TV today. She’s got no curves, very broad waist and skinny legs that just don’t seem to fit the rest of her body. Looks like a bulimic body (fat face skinny legs). Also the flabby sloppy tits are kind of nasty. If they look that deflated at 19 years old I can’t imagine what they will look like after 10 years, or kids for that matter.
yeah, I was thinking pancakes.
SMOOOOOOOOOOTH.
her boobs are BEYOND airbrushed! how can that be beautiful, its fake!!!
Either she’s got really WEIRD boobs, or something is up with this photo. Possibly taken while she was lying down, then shopped to appear standing up. Boobs should not be slopping into the armpit like that.
The swuimsuit is way too small and doesnt do a thing for her.
she had a “Leaky” in both her breasts?
I admit she’s hot now but she’ll be the next Anna Nicole Smith in a few years.
I don’t see how this is news. It’s been in the news stands since yesterday, at least in Pennsylvania.
You do know what website you’re on, right?
Just saying, wouldn’t this have been a significant post yesterday, before everyone saw the cover?
my friend is like, “you know she’s like 5’10″ right?”
i’m like “ummmm ok… i still want to bang her”
i mean, if she isn’t up to you guys’ standards, i call 1st dibs!
The next … Anna Nicole Smith ???
YES !!! … The next … Anna Nicole Smith !!!!!
kinda surprised to find any negative comments here….
Seriously! I’m a hetero woman but good lord, she’s as close to perfection as I’ve ever seen. Excuse me while I go flick my bean.
I find it hard to believe a hetero woman would go masturbate to the image of a woman in a bikini.
Seriously. These people might complain about her face or her boobs, but I’m thinking it might just be a defensive mechanism because they’ll never even be looked at by a woman 1/10th as hot as Kate Upton.
The next … Anna Nicole Smith !!!!!
The next … Anna Nicole Smith !!!!!
***** YES !!! … The next … Anna Nicole Smith !!!!! *****
Great job photoshopping human skin to look like barbie plastic.
Decent body, but that bathing suit looks awful. Especially the top. She looks nice in the white dress, though.
meh she kind of has a beat up face
Wow… Photoshop much? That skank looks nothing like that in real life. Too bad they didn’t take the time to fix her face.
If you are going to Photoshop someone, be sure to attach their face to the head…I mean seriously, that thing is almost out floating in space all by itself…
Watching the SI special that’s on tv now, and you can definitely tell they photoshopped the shit out of her stomach. She’s certainly not overweight, but she’s pudged up since she first hit the scene. Her abs are not that flat these days. Also, her hand looks fucking scary in that picture. I won’t kid myself, though. I still would if given the chance.
Her legs are pieces of shit, relatively speaking.
Where’s her dick?
she looks like a skinny version of Anna Nicole smith
That is a tiny little bikini.
Holy Butterface. Bag it, tag it, release to the wild.
She doesn’t have a great WHR like Esti Ginzburg. All she has are boobs, so I can’t believe they put Kate on the cover instead of her when Esti is the hotter (and natural) blond. Oh and, when is Damaris Lewis or Jessica Gomes going to get their cover? …just saying. I can’t believe she skipped her sunbaes (seniors) like that.
She doesn’t have a great WHR like Esti Ginzburg. All she has are boobs, so I can’t believe they put Kate on the cover instead of her when Esti is the hotter (and natural) blond. Oh and, when is Damaris Lewis or Jessica Gomes going to get their cover? …just saying. I can’t believe she skipped her sunbaes (seniors) like that.
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