It’s Kate Upton’s Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Cover

February 14th, 2012 // 74 Comments

We ended yesterday with Kate Upton in Esquire, so it only makes sense to start today with her Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue cover. Mostly because I like to think of this as a science blog read exclusively by academic types who can hopefully explain to me how the hell Kate Upton’s clitoris isn’t waving directly at us. I understand it’s a mythical creature, but “presuppose” it does exist, clearly it’s not where women have lied and said it is so I question how good I am at sex, but instead dwells in the butt. Which also explains what Rihanna was trying to tell us in Barbados. I just thought she needed more rum.

Photos: Sports Illustrated, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Kate Upton Bikini Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Cover
    The Most Interesting
    Commented on this photo:

    I like to think that this is her reaction to hearing that Fish just dogged the Kardashians again.

  2. Deacon Jones

    Dont get me wrong, Kate Upton is very hot. In fact, i would drink her bathwater.

    That said, she’s putting on weight already, and she’s only 19. She’s going to look like a brick shithouse when she’s 30.

    • Kodos

      Of course she is… her body is storing calories for BREEDING PURPOSES! Nature moves on, even for “supermodels”. She’s in that prime window! Peak fertility!

  3. Take me down to Sideboob City where the grass is green and girls have big titties. Oh won’t you please take me home…

  4. Kate Upton Bikini Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Cover
    Jeff S
    Commented on this photo:

    Holy Hell she is bangin’

  5. Jack Ketch

    Fake tits for a Sport Illustrated cover ? It’s getting as bad as Playboy.

  6. Kate Upton Bikini Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Cover
    Carl T
    Commented on this photo:

    That qualifies as a teeny bikeeni. I think she waxes. :-)

  7. Cock Dr

    I like this year’s cover model better. Less of a succubus look, more CA beach bimbo.

  8. Satyr

    She doesn’t look that good in person. Lots of air brushing and photo shopping. She is a nearing “plus size”.

  9. IDKanymore

    I give her less than 5 years and she will look like that pig Summer from Baywatch….what’s that things name again?

  10. Kate Upton Bikini Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Cover
    Commented on this photo:

    one boob is looking way bigger than the other…especially with her arm being up on that side… creepin me out a bit

  11. EricLr

    Damn, I hate Photoshop. It really has ruined every modern magazine spread for me. I have to go back to one of my mom’s Cosmo’s from the 70′s to even get half a stalk anymore.

    • Because in those days, there was no airbrushing or retouching or photo filters or anything like that.

    • BE

      As someone with some professional photography background – they did overwork it – somewhat cartoonish.

      And for those who can’t see it, they’re not real – the split, the circularity and the symmetry are dead giveaways. Jiggle and hang happen because the implants are saline filled – much safer should they leak. Silicone was developed to eliminate those issues.

  12. free Wifi

    You are all such losers.

  13. Da Cheese

    Only time I wish I were Sanchez’s dick.

  14. Bianca

    Along Beyonce, I think this is one of the worst SI covers. She’s a very pretty girl but the photoshopping is ridiculous. Where is her vagina?

  15. OnTheRealThough

    Am I the only one who thinks Kate Upton is just OK?

    None of these girls can touch Bar, in my opinion.

  16. Do people actually buy Sports Illustrated anymore? I mean besides barber shops?

  17. Kate Upton Bikini Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Cover
    Gern Blanston
    Commented on this photo:

    19 is a very good year. You go, Kate. World class boobs and hips. Nothing like youth. God bless.

  18. TheSledMan

    She’s ok, certainly not the caliber of past SI cover girls. I was actually surprised when I saw her profile on TV today. She’s got no curves, very broad waist and skinny legs that just don’t seem to fit the rest of her body. Looks like a bulimic body (fat face skinny legs). Also the flabby sloppy tits are kind of nasty. If they look that deflated at 19 years old I can’t imagine what they will look like after 10 years, or kids for that matter.

  19. Kate Upton Bikini Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Cover
    Bane
    Commented on this photo:

    SMOOOOOOOOOOTH.

  20. liz

    her boobs are BEYOND airbrushed! how can that be beautiful, its fake!!!

  21. Kate Upton Bikini Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Cover
    Commented on this photo:

    Either she’s got really WEIRD boobs, or something is up with this photo. Possibly taken while she was lying down, then shopped to appear standing up. Boobs should not be slopping into the armpit like that.

  22. forrest gump

    she had a “Leaky” in both her breasts?

  23. Anon

    I admit she’s hot now but she’ll be the next Anna Nicole Smith in a few years.

  24. J

    I don’t see how this is news. It’s been in the news stands since yesterday, at least in Pennsylvania.

  25. dooood

    my friend is like, “you know she’s like 5’10″ right?”
    i’m like “ummmm ok… i still want to bang her”

    i mean, if she isn’t up to you guys’ standards, i call 1st dibs!

  26. Satyr

    The next … Anna Nicole Smith ???

  27. Kate Upton Bikini Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Cover
    Heyzeus Hosay
    Commented on this photo:

    kinda surprised to find any negative comments here….

    • hubbahubba

      Seriously! I’m a hetero woman but good lord, she’s as close to perfection as I’ve ever seen. Excuse me while I go flick my bean.

    • aristotrash

      Seriously. These people might complain about her face or her boobs, but I’m thinking it might just be a defensive mechanism because they’ll never even be looked at by a woman 1/10th as hot as Kate Upton.

  28. Satyr

    The next … Anna Nicole Smith !!!!!

  29. Kate Upton Bikini Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Cover
    WTF
    Commented on this photo:

    Great job photoshopping human skin to look like barbie plastic.

  30. Problem?

    Decent body, but that bathing suit looks awful. Especially the top. She looks nice in the white dress, though.

  31. Kate Upton Bikini Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Cover
    Jerry Duggar
    Commented on this photo:

    meh she kind of has a beat up face

  32. Kate Upton Bikini Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Cover
    Just sayin....
    Commented on this photo:

    Wow… Photoshop much? That skank looks nothing like that in real life. Too bad they didn’t take the time to fix her face.

  33. If you are going to Photoshop someone, be sure to attach their face to the head…I mean seriously, that thing is almost out floating in space all by itself…

  34. Elliott

    Watching the SI special that’s on tv now, and you can definitely tell they photoshopped the shit out of her stomach. She’s certainly not overweight, but she’s pudged up since she first hit the scene. Her abs are not that flat these days. Also, her hand looks fucking scary in that picture. I won’t kid myself, though. I still would if given the chance.

  35. Kate Upton Bikini Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Cover
    catapostrophe
    Commented on this photo:

    Her legs are pieces of shit, relatively speaking.

  36. Kate Upton Bikini Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Cover
    catapostrophe
    Commented on this photo:

    Where’s her dick?

  37. Kate Upton Bikini Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Cover
    awalk
    Commented on this photo:

    she looks like a skinny version of Anna Nicole smith

  38. Kate Upton Bikini Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Cover
    D-chi
    Commented on this photo:

    That is a tiny little bikini.

  39. Kate Upton Bikini Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Cover
    TheTruth
    Commented on this photo:

    Holy Butterface. Bag it, tag it, release to the wild.

  40. Kate Upton Bikini Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Cover
    Sunbae (Senior) Skipper...not that great
    Commented on this photo:

    She doesn’t have a great WHR like Esti Ginzburg. All she has are boobs, so I can’t believe they put Kate on the cover instead of her when Esti is the hotter (and natural) blond. Oh and, when is Damaris Lewis or Jessica Gomes going to get their cover? …just saying. I can’t believe she skipped her sunbaes (seniors) like that.

  41. Sunbae (Senior) Skipper...not that great

    She doesn’t have a great WHR like Esti Ginzburg. All she has are boobs, so I can’t believe they put Kate on the cover instead of her when Esti is the hotter (and natural) blond. Oh and, when is Damaris Lewis or Jessica Gomes going to get their cover? …just saying. I can’t believe she skipped her sunbaes (seniors) like that.

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