Sports Illustrated Swimsuit: 50 Years of Beautiful

January 15th, 2014 // 81 Comments

Kate Upton‘s giant breasts were at the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit: 50 Years of Beautiful event last night, so I don’t know why I’m even writing anything else or bothering to point out that Christie Brinkley is an ageless vampire. Or wondering why I didn’t lead with Genevieve Morton who, honestly, looks way hotter than Kate, so now I’m questioning if I even know what the hell I’m doing anymo- *gets slapped in the face by Photo Boy* You’re right, old chum. A true titsmith never questions his tittery. To victory! *rides off into the Internet*

Photos: Getty

superficial

  1. Chrissy Teigen Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue 50th Anniversary Celebration
    Commented on this photo:

    SI could have probably taken her of the invite list.

  2. Kathy Ireland Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue 50th Anniversary Celebration
    Commented on this photo:

    Wonder how far she can kick a field goal these days

  3. Chrissy Teigen Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue 50th Anniversary Celebration
    coljack
    Commented on this photo:

    New from Victoria’s Secret: the patented Ultimate Cleavage-to-Hint-of-Bush Zipper.

  4. Christie Brinkley Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue 50th Anniversary Celebration
    Balls Mcgee
    Commented on this photo:

    She is not human.

  5. Christie Brinkley Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue 50th Anniversary Celebration
    coljack
    Commented on this photo:

    “I don’t care if she’s a grandmother, I’d still.”

    “Dude, I don’t care if she’s MY grandmother…”

  6. Katherine Webb Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue 50th Anniversary Celebration
    coljack
    Commented on this photo:

    I can’t believe SI would stop so low as to invite Farrah Abraham to this thing.

    • That’s Katherine Webb moron

      • coljack

        I know, dipshit. See, people typically write insincere statements designed to poke fun at the subjects of the photos. In this case, I was pointing out that Katherine Webb looks like Farrah Abraham. It’s called “irony.” Go look it up in a dictionary and then let me know who the moron in this little scenario really is.

      • “iro·ny: the use of words that mean the opposite of what you really think especially in order to be funny”

        So in other words, it would be irony if you said Katherine Webb looked like Farrah Abraham because she actually really didn’t at all. Or if I called you a genius when I thought you were a moron. Right, genius? It is also ironical that you sent me to a dictionary when you are the one using the term poorly.

        But in any case, using your own definition of irony, it would work if Katherine Webb actually did look like Farrah Abraham. As I do not see a fake-tittied succubus spouting fire from her shithole in this picture, I must say you are quite mistaken.

      • Keith

        Except she *does* look like Farah. I think you are the only one who didn’t get the joke. Don’t feel bad – having something fly over your head doesn’t make you a bad person.

      • Irony is when the stated meaning is different from the actual meaning (which was the case here). It is also when the audience has knowledge unknown to the character. In this case, the character would be me, and the audience would be folks like Keith or Sprub who got the joke. Irony can also be a state of affairs that is different from what you were expecting. You were expecting a comment about Katherine Webb; you got one about Farrah Abraham, and it clearly threw you for a loop. A loop that ended with you (inaccurately) calling me a moron.

        So pretty much any way you slice it, you’ve just been confronted with an overwhelming case of irony. Hopefully, this experience has broadened your understanding of the concept. Now, go back to staring at titties and leave the big-boy stuff to people who don’t have to look up literary terms in the dictionary.

  7. Kate Upton Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue 50th Anniversary Celebration
    Commented on this photo:

    WOW she’s getting chunky!

  8. Marisa Miller Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue 50th Anniversary Celebration
    Commented on this photo:

    See, chubby chasers? She just had a kis and already looks better than Kate Upton!

  9. DC

    What a tank.

  10. No Bar Refaeli, Brooklyn Decker OR Nina Agdal? What a disappointment…

  11. Chrissy Teigen Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue 50th Anniversary Celebration
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks like she should be working the floor of an AC casino at 4 am.

  12. Kathy Ireland Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue 50th Anniversary Celebration
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    NO! Not you too Kathy!

  13. Chrissy Teigen Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue 50th Anniversary Celebration
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    (swallows)
    “Do you have anymore coke?”

  14. Kate Upton Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue 50th Anniversary Celebration
    JBJJ
    Commented on this photo:

    Chunky in ALL the right spots. God the things I would do with/to her…

  15. Christie Brinkley Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue 50th Anniversary Celebration
    Commented on this photo:

    She really is a vampire. I’ve got something she can suck on right here.

  16. Marisa Miller Steven Tyler Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue 50th Anniversary Celebration
    AC
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s all lovely ladies and impressive bosoms ’til DandyTimeLord James Franco appears and makes my heart and the gramophone stop dead.

  17. Kathy Ireland Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue 50th Anniversary Celebration
    Commented on this photo:

    Well… sad to said, but she ain’t Christie Brinkley.

    Being a vampire has its benefit.

  18. OK… where the fuck is Brooklyn Decker!?

    • Also MIA, Elle McPherson, Cheryl Tiegs, Rachel Hunter, Stephanie Seymour, Bar Rafaeli, Heidi Klum, Tyra Banks, and all those hot Eastern European girls whose last names end with “ova”.

  19. Genevieve Morton Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue 50th Anniversary Celebration
    Commented on this photo:

    Always been my favorite

  20. Kathy Ireland Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue 50th Anniversary Celebration
    Commented on this photo:

    Yikes!

  21. Katherine Webb Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue 50th Anniversary Celebration
    SheDoveOffaDivingBoard
    Commented on this photo:

    Move along fake tits, your 15 seconds has passed

  22. Christie Brinkley Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue 50th Anniversary Celebration
    Commented on this photo:

    This is fucked up, she has looked better than every single woman in this slideshow so far. What in the hell?

  23. Katherine Webb Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue 50th Anniversary Celebration
    sprub
    Commented on this photo:

    @Happy Evil Dude : Lighten up Francis

  24. Tyra Banks Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue 50th Anniversary Celebration
    Commented on this photo:

    ol’ “dead eyes” resurrects it for another SI event

  25. Kathy Ireland Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue 50th Anniversary Celebration
    Commented on this photo:

    DAMN! she was 25 yesterday!

  26. Chrissy Teigen Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue 50th Anniversary Celebration
    Commented on this photo:

    disgusting

  27. Kate Upton Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue 50th Anniversary Celebration
    Commented on this photo:

    Yeah, she’s getting pretty chunky if you prefer to fuck prepubescent boys.

    I would bang Kate Upton until my dick falls off. Or until she figures out I’m not a billionaire hedge fund manager. Whichever comes first.

    [Hint: I might come first.]

  28. Genevieve Morton Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue 50th Anniversary Celebration
    Commented on this photo:

    Yeah, this one will do nicely.

  29. Katherine Webb Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue 50th Anniversary Celebration
    Commented on this photo:

    This isn’t dinner with the queen, lady. Show some real skin or get lost.

  30. Marisa Miller Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue 50th Anniversary Celebration
    Commented on this photo:

    Always brings her A game and a tiny outfit. This one knows how to play.

  31. Christie Brinkley Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue 50th Anniversary Celebration
    Commented on this photo:

    This is the perfect woman. Sexy as hell and impossible to impregnate.

  32. Kate Upton Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue 50th Anniversary Celebration
    Commented on this photo:

    For some reason I keep thinking about a motorboat…

  33. Christie Brinkley Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue 50th Anniversary Celebration
    Commented on this photo:

    She turns 60 on February 2nd. I’m pretty sure a deal with the devil was made at some point.

  34. Genevieve Morton Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue 50th Anniversary Celebration
    Commented on this photo:

    Upton could learn a lot from her–enormous breasts that defy gravity

  35. Christie Brinkley Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue 50th Anniversary Celebration
    Eric
    Commented on this photo:

    She was 38 when Kate Upton was born.

  36. Kathy Ireland Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue 50th Anniversary Celebration
    me
    Commented on this photo:

    God she used to be so hot! Age hasn’t been good to this one.

  37. Chrissy Teigen Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue 50th Anniversary Celebration
    Beer Baron
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks hammered and kinda mannish.

  38. Katherine Webb Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue 50th Anniversary Celebration
    Beer Baron
    Commented on this photo:

    She found Megan Fox’s old chin.

  39. Katherine Webb Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue 50th Anniversary Celebration
    Beer Baron
    Commented on this photo:

    She found Megan Fox’s old chin.

  40. Tyra Banks Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue 50th Anniversary Celebration
    Beer Baron
    Commented on this photo:

    You’re not fooling anyone with your weave, Tyra.

  41. Katherine Webb Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue 50th Anniversary Celebration
    JungleRed
    Commented on this photo:

    Remember that George Micheal video where you had to guess which one was the tranny?

  42. Kate Upton Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue 50th Anniversary Celebration
    Commented on this photo:

    Her cleavage consists of a couple of really beautiful cleaves. I love it. And her.

  43. Chrissy Teigen Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue 50th Anniversary Celebration
    Commented on this photo:

    What the fuck…??? Chrissy Teigen us ally looks way better than this. She must have gotten home from the gang bang late.

  44. Kathy Ireland Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue 50th Anniversary Celebration
    acad
    Commented on this photo:

    OMG – what happened? She looked good shilling for her line of furniture recently.

  45. Christie Brinkley Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue 50th Anniversary Celebration
    dennis
    Commented on this photo:

    THIS is what an SI model’s template should be. But there can’t be many other vampiresses willing to go out into the sun.

  46. Tyra Banks Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue 50th Anniversary Celebration
    dennis
    Commented on this photo:

    “I was Beyonce before anyone knew what a Beyounce was, bitches! Where did I put my drink?” *hiccup*

  47. Christie Brinkley Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue 50th Anniversary Celebration
    wut
    Commented on this photo:

    that woman is almost 60. wtf

  48. Kathy Ireland Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue 50th Anniversary Celebration
    Commented on this photo:

    Just a few years ago she looked a lot better. I guess she passed the use-by shelf date.

  49. Rebecca Romijn Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue 50th Anniversary Celebration
    Commented on this photo:

    Another ageless hottie.

  50. Tyra Banks Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue 50th Anniversary Celebration
    JudgeJudy
    Commented on this photo:

    Caked on makeup, dead baggy eyes, and a wig.

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