Kate Upton Prayed To Be Curvy, She Can Stop Now

July 31st, 2014 // 25 Comments
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Kate Upton is the cover interview for Elle UK‘s August issue where she complains about how hard it is being pretty because if there’s anything us normies love it’s hearing about the struggles of being beautiful. Nothing but a smooth, easy, homely life for us. That’s our motto. Via Elle UK:

“Living on a farm, beauty doesn’t get you anywhere. Because I was pretty didn’t mean I could convince my sister to do my chores. It was kind of inconvenient to be pretty, growing up.”

But then Kate prayed to God for curves and soon she was unburdened with the grueling life of being a beautiful, skinny blonde in the south. Why, no one’s ever had it so bad there:

‘When I first started modelling, I was a normal catalogue model,’ Kate explains in the accompanying interview, speaking about her stratospheric rise to fame – with that body.
‘Then, I became a woman, and I was really excited about becoming a woman. Because I’m from Florida, it’s all about being in bathing suits. It’s a different view of beauty there. You are ugly if you don’t have a curvy body. And I didn’t have one, and then I got one, and thought, “Yessss!”
‘And then people say: “Oh, wow, you’re healthy.”
‘And you’re like, “Wait – what? I’ve been begging for this body my whole life!”’

In Kate Upton’s defense, her breasts are huge. However, the rest of her body is also going that route, so I dunno, maybe tell God He can slow it down now. But break it to Him gently, He’s got kind of temper. Try not to provoke Him, is all I’m saying. I’m getting suspended, aren’t I? Goddammit.

Photos: AKM-GSI, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

superficial

  1. cc

    Apparently she’s been praying to a manatee.

  2. Kate Upton Fat Weight Gain Lily Aldridge Midriff Legs Short Shorts
    buzz
    Commented on this photo:

    LOL….only a country girl would think seducing her own family members to get out of chores is the thing to do.

  3. Kate Upton Fat Weight Gain Lily Aldridge Midriff Legs Short Shorts
    Short Round
    Commented on this photo:

    How this cow ever got to fame is not entirely a mystery. How she stayed there so long is. We’ve seen much hotter chicks on the Chive Fish so often links.

    • God: “On this day I shall feed the hungry children, punish the wicked who prey upon them, and return the Earth to the Eden it once was…NAY, fuck that. I’m gonna give a farm girl huge tits”

  4. UGH. another PAINFULLY overrated ‘model’. almost as bad as Busted-face Gisele Bundchen.

  5. I used to love Kate’s curvacious body but the is a line between curvacious and fat and she cross that line in her last bikini pictures

  6. Polk

    tl;dnr: her tits made her popular as a Fla bikini model, but not as a NYC fashion model. Overlooks that even as a bikini model, she’s porking up.

  7. Kate Upton Fat Weight Gain Lily Aldridge Midriff Legs Short Shorts
    Jimmy
    Commented on this photo:

    Fat girl face.

  8. Kate Upton Fat Weight Gain Lily Aldridge Midriff Legs Short Shorts
    Derek
    Commented on this photo:

    I thought this chicks name was Kelly Brook?

    Guess they both have the same mass appeal.

  9. Kate Upton Fat Weight Gain Lily Aldridge Midriff Legs Short Shorts
    Keith
    Commented on this photo:

    Legs still skinny on her fat frame. So there’s that.

  10. Kate Upton Fat Weight Gain Lily Aldridge Midriff Legs Short Shorts
    Commented on this photo:

    Jesus, is she pregnant?

  11. [img]http://kpwebster.files.wordpress.com/2013/05/homer.jpg[/img]

  12. Kate Upton Fat Weight Gain Lily Aldridge Midriff Legs Short Shorts
    Commented on this photo:

    She hit the wall fast. Then ate it.

  13. whatthe

    Come on, she’s just a victim of angles and weird shirts.

  14. Kate Upton Fat Weight Gain Lily Aldridge Midriff Legs Short Shorts
    L-Dawg
    Commented on this photo:

    I don’t find Kate Upton attractive in the least, and I don’t say that out of jealousy.

    She looks like she hasn’t hit the gym in a few years.

  15. Oh BABY

    She’s got a common face. She’s puffy. She has nothing going for her but her tits; she has nothing to fall back on, like brains, as her body goes south on her (a process that seems to have already begun). All this piece of trash has to talk about is her body, She may be enjoying a fleeting flirtation with fame and fortune, but I predict that, in the near future, she’s going to end up as some blowsy slut hanging out at a bowling alley to escape her lazy husband and her 6 fat children.

    I just wish she’d STFU already.

  16. Motorboat Captain

    Yeah I’m sure she worked real hard growing up on that farm the Whirlpool fortune bought.

  17. Kate Upton Fat Weight Gain Lily Aldridge Midriff Legs Short Shorts
    J-Dizzle
    Commented on this photo:

    While her tits are big, lets be real. She’s not curvy. Kelly Brook, she’s curvy. Beyonce, Nicki Minaj, they’re curvy. She’s pretty much straight up and down. She’s thick though. The bust/waist/hip ratio isn’t there. She’s all tits and not much more.

    • Exactly this. Why no one else can see this, I guess is because men are dumb animals in general. I’m one of them. Her body type is NOT sexy or womanly, just very specific sections of it are.

  18. Allan

    Tits don’t = curves. Fat doesn’t = curves. This girl is not curvy in the least. If you’re all tits and no waist, hip, ass you’re just that…tits on a shapeless frame. I’d take a girl with an A cup that at least had a waist line and an ass over this porker any day. Her tits have gone to her head and its sad cause she’s actually nasty.

  19. Kate Upton Fat Weight Gain Lily Aldridge Midriff Legs Short Shorts
    e2399245
    Commented on this photo:

    She having babby? When she get pregant?

  20. Kate Upton Fat Weight Gain Lily Aldridge Midriff Legs Short Shorts
    monkeybutt
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks like early nineties Anna Nicole Smith with down syndrome. Outside of her giant tits I have no idea why people think she is attractive.

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