Kate Upton Doesn’t Care About Black People

Kate Upton is a blonde celebrity model with giant breasts, so needless to say, America is her oyster. She could ask for the nuclear launch codes and legally we’d have to give them to her. On top of that, she’s about as smart as a bag of Ryan Lochtes, so naturally she went off about football players not standing during the National Anthem because this country has given her millions of dollars for having awesome milkbags, so clearly it must be awesome for everybody, and we all should swear fealty to the flag before sporting events, you guys. [Edit: Todd at IDLYITW also points out that Kate Upton is from Florida and never graduated high school, so it’s a miracle she even knows what America is.]

In my opinion, the national anthem is a symbolic song about our country. It represents honoring the many brave men and women who sacrifice and have sacrificed their lives each and every single day to protect our freedom. Sitting or kneeling down during the national anthem is a disgrace to those people who have served and currently serve our country. Sitting down during the national anthem on September 11th is even more horrific. Protest all you want and use social media all you want. However, during the nearly two minutes when that song is playing, I believe everyone should put their hands on their heart and be proud of our country for we are all truly blessed. Recent history has shown that it is a place where anyone no matter what race or gender has the potential to become President of the United States. We live in the most special place in the world and should be thankful. After the song is over, I would encourage everyone to please use the podium they have, stand up for their beliefs, and make America a better place. The rebuilding of battery park and the freedom tower demonstrates that amazing things can be done in this country when we work together towards a common goal. It is a shame how quickly we have forgotten this as a society. Today we are more divided then ever before. I could never imagine multiple people sitting down during the national anthem on the September 11th anniversary. The lessons of 911 should teach us that if we come together, the world can be a better and more peaceful place #neverforget.

A photo posted by Kate Upton (@kateupton) on

Around this point, Kate Upton started trending on Twitter, and to her credit, stuck to her plan of giving Rudy Giuliani a boner by constantly invoking 9/11. There’s no way he’s still alive.

As of this post, Kate’s Instagram pics are filling up with all kinds of great comments, which is why I’m embedding this photo and not because her nipple will distract you while I barrel roll out of here instead of trying to make a profound dick jok- *opens post door, tumbles onto the street*

#fbf @gq @terryrichardson

A photo posted by Kate Upton (@kateupton) on

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Photo: Terry Richardson