MET Gala 2014: WTF Happened Here?

May 6th, 2014 // 169 Comments

Because Photo Boy and I know jackshit about fashion – *fingers hole in Iron Man t-shirt* – here’s our gallery of the most questionable outfits from last night MET Gala punctuated by Kate Upton‘s huge breasts which are making her getup look less and less ridiculous by the second. In fact, is she glowing to anyone else? What about angel wings? Do you see angel wings? And, holy shit, she’s feather-jobbing me. I’m getting a feather job. Fashion blogging is awesome! Wheeeee!

Photos: Getty

superficial

  1. Lena Dunham MET Gala
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    She stands like she has to drop a load.

  2. Lena Dunham MET Gala
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    POSTURE, Lena. Straighten up!

  3. Kate Upton MET Gala
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    Looks like she shops for clothes in the crafting section at Michael’s.

  4. Katie Holmes MET Gala
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    That dress is an ill-fitting hot mess, the colour of baby poo and regular poo. I’ll bet it is flying off the racks.

  5. Sarah Jessica Parker MET Gala
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    Must be hard for the person playing the back end to breath… Wait a minute, what do you mean there’s not a person playing the back end?!

  6. Katie Holmes MET Gala
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    Photobombed by a sneezer.

  7. Lena Dunham MET Gala
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    Oh good, she remembered to bare her shoulders and ham-hock arms. We love that.

  8. Kristen Stewart MET Gala
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    I’ve seen the fishing lure hat, but not the fishing lure dress before.

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    She looks like Downton Abbey. The building, not the show.

  10. Katie Holmes MET Gala
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    Hot poo, in sartorial form. Arty.

  11. Nicole Richie MET Gala
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    She’s ensconced herself in velvet.

  12. Lena Dunham MET Gala
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    –Spare some change?
    –You there, put on this tuxedo and escort me to this gala and I shall reward you with $20 for the evening.

  13. Sarah Jessica Parker MET Gala
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    You can wear the Cup Day hat and gown, but we’re still going to make you race.

  14. Lena Dunham MET Gala
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    Sure, it may be a half-thawed turkey wearing a wig and stuffed into ill-fitting drapes… but is it Art?

  15. Sarah Jessica Parker MET Gala
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    “I say neigh-neigh!”

    Apologies to John Pinette, God rest his soul.

  16. Sarah Jessica Parker MET Gala
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    my 1995 grade 12 grad called, they want their dress back.

  17. Leighton Meester MET Gala
    Netta
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    Hey Leighton, my grandma wants her tits back.

  18. Lena Dunham MET Gala
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    Where is Gandalf when you need Him!

  19. Nicole Richie MET Gala
    david(guest)
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    this looks like something Tim Burton and Johnny Depp would double-team

  20. Lena Dunham MET Gala
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    She looks like someone you’d see at The Dollar Store…

  21. Kate Upton MET Gala
    J
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    Chiquita bananas?

  22. A Small Patch of Liquid
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    I heard Moby has an affinity for large globes.

  23. Kate Upton MET Gala
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    I had a five second fantasy that there was a knock on my door and when I opened it, there she was standing on my doorstep. That being said, I’m going back now to see if I can add an hour or two. Cya…

  24. Sarah Jessica Parker MET Gala
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    Such ingenuity using all that material at the back to hide her tail.

  25. Lena Dunham MET Gala
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    Do none of these girls have handlers or friends that can tell them to comb their hair, or change their dress, or cover the tats??

  26. Leighton Meester MET Gala
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    Well, shit! At least you could have given us a view of that Meester Keister!

  27. Sarah Jessica Parker MET Gala
    Rachel
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    Hey look…it’s Cruella.

    Where are all your dead puppies?

  28. Sarah Jessica Parker MET Gala
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    Girl in back: Now dammit! Who’s going to pick up these road apples????

  29. Lena Dunham MET Gala
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    Mmmm, yummy! (Eewwww…I can’t even believe I joked about that!)

  30. Katie Holmes MET Gala
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    Did she forget to wash her hands after eating the buffalo wings?

  31. Kate Upton MET Gala
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    Who did this to her????

  32. Commented on this photo:

    “Uhhh…say, Ms.Upton, do you like to slow dance?”

  33. Kristen Stewart MET Gala
    Mike Walker
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    Geez… the Hunchback of Dunham in the background.

  34. Kristen Stewart MET Gala
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    She doesn’t have pretty enough legs for dresses of that nature.

  35. Nicole Richie MET Gala
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    WTF! There’s nobody in the picture. Oh, wait. There she is…

  36. Sarah Jessica Parker MET Gala
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    I really do feel sad for Matthew Broderick.

  37. Nicole Richie MET Gala
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    Me thinks Yul Brynner would say, “Now that I’m gone, I tell you: Please Eat. Whatever you do, eat even a veggie burger. If I could eat another burger, we wouldn’t be talking about any Anorexia nervosa. I’m convinced of that.”

  38. Katie Holmes MET Gala
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    At least she’s happy. Oh you won’t be with the next picture. Don’t do it?

  39. Lena Dunham MET Gala
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    Stupid Lena , he’s of course GAY!

  40. Leighton Meester MET Gala
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    Good grief! What does she have to smile about?

  41. Sarah Jessica Parker MET Gala
    Dr. Badtouch, child proctologist
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    That face looks more like she spent time with de la Hoya instead of de la Renta.

  42. Lena Dunham MET Gala
    Dr. Badtouch, child proctologist
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    Surly Temple

  43. Nicole Richie MET Gala
    tom
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    This is truely awful. Who invited her?

  44. Kristen Stewart MET Gala
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    Lagerfeld’s Servant: “Mr. Lagerfeld! Ms. Kristen Stewart is on the phone inquiring as to whether you will dress her for the gala!”

    Karl Lagerfeld: “Merde, this cunt again… transfer it to the phone in my studio! *picks up phone* Ah, yes, Ms. Stewart, how are we today, hm? Oh, yes, I have just the dress for you that will take all of the attention off of your unfortunate face.”

  45. Kate Upton MET Gala
    Really...?
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    Its a test. I’d still fuck her till I had a heart attack. All 14 minutes of wonderment for me.

    Therefore, I’m a hetro. Thanks for helping me confirm that.

  46. Lena Dunham MET Gala
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    Does she go out of her way to look heinous? Her face looks even more rodent like, and you can see the neck fat pooling where her neck meets her back, and I don’t even have to mention the rest of the body to emphasize how horrible this is.

  47. Lena Dunham MET Gala
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    She also should at least wear some tan colored hose. I mean, those looks look flabby and multicolored – at least the hose would’ve evened out the skin tone and lent some support to those hocks.

  48. Sarah Jessica Parker MET Gala
    Really...?
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    **insert horse metaphor as old as this played out of photo pose is here**

  49. Leighton Meester MET Gala
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    Damn, who is that behind Meester?

  50. Kristen Stewart MET Gala
    Really...?
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    Imagine how miserable she’d be if she wasn’t rich and famous.

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