MET Gala 2014: WTF Happened Here?

May 6th, 2014 // 169 Comments

Because Photo Boy and I know jackshit about fashion – *fingers hole in Iron Man t-shirt* – here’s our gallery of the most questionable outfits from last night MET Gala punctuated by Kate Upton‘s huge breasts which are making her getup look less and less ridiculous by the second. In fact, is she glowing to anyone else? What about angel wings? Do you see angel wings? And, holy shit, she’s feather-jobbing me. I’m getting a feather job. Fashion blogging is awesome! Wheeeee!

Photos: Getty

superficial

  1. Lena Dunham MET Gala
    Spleen
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    No.

  2. Sarah Jessica Parker MET Gala
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    All ready for the dressage competition. Hell, they even did her mane.

  3. Nicole Richie MET Gala
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    AMC will sue you if you keep showing clips from The Walking Dead.

  4. Sarah Jessica Parker MET Gala
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    The dress even has reins.

  5. Kate Upton MET Gala
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    I smell the worst production of “Sweeney Todd” ever.

  6. Nicole Richie MET Gala
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    Mars needs women?

  7. Kate Upton MET Gala
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    Raise your one free hand if you didn’t click ‘View Full Size’…

    Anyone…?

  8. Katie Holmes MET Gala
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    Jesus, Nina Garcia, the dress ain’t THAT bad! And why did you bring a pineapple to the Gala anyway?

  9. Nicole Richie MET Gala
    GLT
    Commented on this photo:

    Kelly Osbourne has lost a lot of weight.

  10. Sarah Jessica Parker MET Gala
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    She’s handling her failure to show at the Kentucky Derby well.

  11. Kristen Stewart MET Gala
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    Ah, my drop of golden sun has arrived!

  12. Lena Dunham MET Gala
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    David Byrne is unimpressed.

  13. Sarah Jessica Parker MET Gala
    Cock Dr
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    50 yards of white satin as a distraction strategy to what’s above….not bad.

  14. Nicole Richie MET Gala
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    “Cuz this is THRILLER!”

  15. Lena Dunham MET Gala
    George P Burdell
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    I heard a rumor that she has just signed on to be the mascot for Ben & Jerry’s Chunky Monkey.

  16. Kristen Stewart MET Gala
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    “Hey everybody, I found big oil drum full of human souls!! Who wants some?”

  17. Nicole Richie MET Gala
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Horrid and apparently proud of it.

  18. Commented on this photo:

    3.
    I count 3.
    1, 2, 3..
    3rd one is wearing some glasses though.

  19. Sarah Jessica Parker MET Gala
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    “And I pick up HD Radio stations, too!”

  20. Katie Holmes MET Gala
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Rumpled but cute. I’m gonna assume she wore that dress as a favor to some designer fashion friend.

    • rumpled? Are you are talking about her face? I think she has a cranial nerve injury.

    • Another vote for “rumpled but cute.” Her dishevelment suggests she’s had sex; her smirk that she’s unashamed. I like the heated, bronze makeup; the dress not so much but at least it’s a departure from the frothy, virginal dresses that Marchesa has been known for.

  21. Lena Dunham MET Gala
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    Before Riff Raff grew his hair out.

  22. Katie Holmes MET Gala
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    Sure, the dress is a mess, and the hair’s a disaster, but she looks like our Joey again. Who can hate?

  23. Kristen Stewart MET Gala
    cajunhawk
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    In one picture she looks dead…in this one…no bags under her eyes. Hmmm…

  24. Leighton Meester MET Gala
    Cock Dr
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    That beige outfit cries out for a gemstone to size of a chicken egg bouncing around in the cleavage valley.

  25. Lena Dunham MET Gala
    cajunhawk
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    Looks like flesh eating bacteria is attacking her shoulder…

  26. Nicole Richie MET Gala
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    Robert Langdon kept trying to get Nicole and Lena to stand next to each other. “I’m so close…” he kept muttering.

  27. Katie Holmes MET Gala
    cajunhawk
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    She is giving off the same vibe that a little hispanic girl does when she wears a princess dress to the dry cleaners.

  28. Leighton Meester MET Gala
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    Whatever has happened, I blame Seth Cohen.

  29. Kristen Stewart MET Gala
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Hanging on hard to that old vampire persona.

  30. Kate Upton MET Gala
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    Sorry, the truth hurts. Lena’s dress is more flattering. [sob]

    • Cock Dr

      Some things went terribly wrong on the MET red carpet this year. I don’t suppose there’s any way to blame it all on Kim Kardashian?

  31. Kate Upton MET Gala
    Cock Dr
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    She’s a sweet mess.
    Wonder what shoes her handlers had her tottering around on.

  32. Cock Dr
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    Horizontal stripes across a thick blonde’s gunt…Kate must have enemies in the world of high fashion.

  33. Nicole Richie MET Gala
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Is this one of those “White Walkers” that escaped from an HBO set?

  34. Sarah Jessica Parker MET Gala
    Rasputin's Evil Twin
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    Aaaaad…. back to the Kate Upton photo, quick!

  35. Leighton Meester MET Gala
    Cock Dr
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    I hope it’s the dress that’s suppressing her breasts and not that the breasts have in fact left Ms Meester for another host.

  36. Commented on this photo:

    This is some weird cross between Chiquita Banana and Charo.

  37. Kristen Stewart MET Gala
    Jack Ketch
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    Awfully young to be having unsightly bags under your eyes :(

  38. Sarah Jessica Parker MET Gala
    Jack Ketch
    Commented on this photo:

    Imagine smoking so much that you’re a different colour than everyone else…

  39. Sarah Jessica Parker MET Gala
    Dox
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    Oh dear God, its the Bride of Horsenstein.

  40. Kate Upton MET Gala
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    I don’t get it… where’s her ass?

  41. Nicole Richie MET Gala
    ash
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    ill swallow your soul, ill swallow your soul!

  42. Lena Dunham MET Gala
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    Short, cute dress + pudgy legs = gah.

  43. Kristen Stewart MET Gala
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    Huh?? Who in their right mind would someone wear something that makes them look five times as big as what they are, especially in the arse area??

  44. Sarah Jessica Parker MET Gala
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    The look of a heavy smoker…

  45. Nicole Richie MET Gala
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    Scrawny!!

  46. Katie Holmes MET Gala
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    We wore the dress and said “”Screw it !!

  47. Lena Dunham MET Gala
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    Reporter-” And what your name ?
    Lena-My names “Dumpy”
    Reporter-Do you have a last name?
    Lena-Shit-stain.
    Reporter-Your mother must be proud.

  48. Sarah Jessica Parker MET Gala
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    Will someone put her back in the stall shes shitting on the Red Carpet..What cleaner gets horse crap out of the carpet?

  49. Lena Dunham MET Gala
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    I bet holding on to her is like trying to grip a bag mash potatoes.

  50. Nicole Richie MET Gala
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    Totally healthy eating patterns for this one! No barfing here! Do you like my toothpicks, I mean arms?

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