Kate Upton Bikini Photos Because Terry Richardson Is Goddamn Santa Claus

Because he’s Batman, Jesus and the Easter Bunny all rolled into your uncle who always wanted to wrestle a lot for some reason, Terry Richardson just released outtakes from his GQ photo shoot with Kate Upton which is all information that only people with a vagina just read, so I should probably make this word stuff more targeted to their demographic:

It was then that Christian took me into his office, his eyes filled with a desire I knew all too well. Slowly, he reached into his pants, and I knew he was about to give me exactly what I wanted. A soft, supple yet firm wallet filled with money that I didn’t have to earn.
“Buy shoes,” he said. “Then, later, we’ll watch reality television and I’ll be interested in it because it means a lot to you which doesn’t make you a shallow person.”
Moments later, we got married in a castle and it was better than my friend Jenny’s wedding. She was so jealous. Ohmygod, did he just pull my pubes?


Photos: Terry Richardson