Kate Upton Is Engaged

Thanks to The Fappening, which I never looked at and you’ll never prove I did in a court of law, we know that very early into their relationship Kate Upton and Justin Verlander took lots of pictures of themselves naked and boning. So if that’s not the foundation for a good marriage, I honestly don’t know what is, but I’ll give it one more shot. Butt lacrosse? I bet it’s butt lacrosse. E! News reports:

The model-actress is engaged to longtime boyfriend Justin Verlander, E! News can exclusively confirm. The 23-year-old bride-to-be debuted her stunning engagement ring, designed by her fiancé, on the red carpet at the 2016 Met Gala.
“I’m really excited, he asked me right before season started so we’ve been keeping it on the down low for quite a while,” she told E! News exclusively. “So I’m excited to finally be able to share it with the world!”

Cool. Now Kate Upton can be one of those wives who pumps out kids for her baseball player husband, and then watches him take them to the clubhouse all the time because school is dumb. Which is apparently where I decided to take this post because you can barely see her boobs, so I’m goddamn terrified at being forced to adapt. It’s a miracle I haven’t pissed my- never mind.

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