Wait, Has No One Told Kate Upton About Charlotte McKinney?

“Hey, Terry, what’s with the thumbs up?”
“Her career’s almost dead enough for her to work with me again! Whee!”

The 2017 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue is almost here, and while the world eagerly anticipates that by continuously streaming freely available hardcore pornography, the usual rumor mill over the models being divas has begun. (Yes, that’s something we’re all going to agree happens behind-the-scenes every year just go with it, okay? I’m getting to the boobs part.) According to Page Six, this year Kate Upton “was being a big fucking diva, and demanded she be on the cover, which is funny because Charlotte McKinney destroyed that leverage years ago. But I’m not here to pick sides. In fact, if we play our cards right, we could turn this into a smashing-their-boobs-together war for the ages. I hate to say this, but I think we need to somehow help Stephen Dorff have sex with Kate Upton. It sounds gross, but I think if he smokes his Blu E cigarette just ri- and never mind. Abort. This was stupid.

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Photo: GOSEE, Sports Illustrated Swimsuit, Terry Richardson, Tyler Kandel