Those Bastards Made Christie Brinkley Smile Next To Kate Upton

We’re all supposed to be clutching our pearls over the scandal that Sports Illustrated chose Kate Upton over Christie Brinkley for this year’s cover. I don’t know why it matters though, because Christie Brinkley’s still in the magazine looking insanely great in a swimsuit standing next to her daughters. But I’m also an unabashed profiteer of this swirling ocean garbage patch we called the internet, so here’s where I pull a Kate Upton quote and make her sound like a condescending jerk about the whole thing. Whee! Via PEOPLE:

“For SI to emphasize every different type of perfect is really inspiring,” Upton tells Sports Illustrated. “Those are the campaigns I want to do and the career I want to have — to inspire women to love themselves.”

That sounds like some passive-aggressive mean girl shit to me. “Yes, it’s totally cool if you sit with us. We’re sick of getting all this attention from the football team anyway.” Or not at all, but I’m leaving it here so I can sidestep this whole thing by embedding more SI Swimsuit Instagram videos and diving out of this post. *holds nose, goes feet first like a pussy*

This is #SISwim 2017.

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A little snow never stopped a sexy Serbian. No one can rock a scarf like Bo Krsmanovic! @bokicaboba

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@ninaagdal. Pom poms. What more do you need to know?! 😍

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@kateupton is back in a bikini!

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