Topless Kate Middleton Pics Are On The Internet

September 14th, 2012 // 72 Comments
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If you’ve been following the news closely, the big story this week in international news besides something about YouTube (?) is French magazine Closer publishing pics of Kate Middleton sunbathing topless in Provence. Pics that are now widely available on the Internet and regrettably boring as hell because they were taken from three countries over. So if you want to see blurry scans of a woman’s shape that vaguely resembles Kate Middleton with what might as well be raisins on her chest, Egotastic has the goods. Whereas I, on the other hand, am publishing these old bikini pics where Prince William sprays his future wife’s boob with a hose because that’s how I define journalism. In the meantime, when reached for comment her majesty The Queen was quoted as saying, “It’d be a shame for her to visit Paris and have an unfortunate ac- *gets tackled by royal adviser*

UPDATE: BBC News reports, The Duke and Duchess have officially festooned their loins with litigation and seek satisfaction from the French government to prevent further besmirchment of the royal nipples.

Photos: Pacific Coast News


  1. I can’t see comments. Did the royals steal our comments?!?! I’m so scared right now.

  2. Not but really, if they Princess Diana this girl, I am going to be so freaking mad. I’d rather see her looking hot than Fergie’s gross daughters in scary looking hats.

    • fuckityfuck

      They will off Harry before Kate.

      • Jake

        My wife commented – She’s got no ego at all the sign of the truly great, mautre artist God, but she’s got one lovely voice. So many of us old faithful would do anything to hear her sing, in person. We were too young to hear her last time, but we’ve kept the faith, and we will never lose it.

  3. Deacon Jones

    They are pretty anti-climatic.

  4. Gary Grant

    Saw the pictures. While grainy, they made my Tower of London become Big Ben.

  5. Hugh Gentry

    You are a tremendous pussy for not posting the royal nipple pics.

  6. VV

    Between trying to pre-order an iphone 5 and getting these pics up, my internet is going crazy slow. :(

  7. SWG

    aaaarrrggghhh. I was reading Middleton but thinking Upton. Huge disapointment here… :-/

  8. DeucePickle

    Call me when it’s Kate Upton that’s topless.

  9. El Jefe

    Somewhere a certain papparazzo is about to take a long drive down a tunnel and he is never coming back.

  10. Cock Dr

    The IT Taliban doesn’t want me to see the raisins. Viewing of the royal raisins is blocked.

    • USDA Prime McBeef

      Go find somebody at work with really bad vision, take their glasses, smear some vaseline or something around on the lenses, pop them on, then go into the bathroom and lift your shirt up in front of the mirror.

    • El Jefe

      Go to Mediatakeout, they have many more and much better photos. Just follow all the links to the uncensored photos.

  11. I’m all for reposting nipple pics of young drunk stars who wear slutty clothes or “accidentally” tweet pictures of themselves with a cock in their ass. But something seems wrong about photographing a couple on an intimate, private vacation where they weren’t looking for the attention whatsoever. Call me crazy, but it makes me feel a little dirty.

    • grobpilot

      A little dirty? Look at the site you’re hanging out on here.

      • Mandy

        Grobpilot, that’s exactly why Fish DIDN’T post the pictures. This may be a celebrity gossip/trash site, but there’s no need to invade privacy to that extent. Even The Superficial has more class than that.

      • SugarTits

        If this were anyone but Will and Kate you would be complaining about the lack of pictures or saying that it was their own fault for prancing around naked on a balcony that can be seen from the main road. To make a long story short she should’ve known better.

  12. Beaver Underground

    Didn’t want to look but my dick did. Seldom do I say this about good looking naked women but I want the last minute of my life back.

  13. Ice King

    Oh, Princess! Ohhhhhhh. . .

  14. gregsuarez

    It’s too bad the pics look like they were taken with a Hello Kitty! My First Snapshots! camera.

  15. Kate Middleton Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    So flat asses run in the famiy? Either way 90%of American women would kill for a body like hers.

    • 90% of American men would prefer a woman with tits.

      • fuckityfuck

        Good point, everyone loves bewbies. Nature’s perfect pillow.

      • SeymourB

        Actually 90% of American men love a chick who won’t have a heart attack while grinding away on top of them, but 50% of them are so scared that their fat girlfriend will leave them that they won’t say it publicly. If you’re an American woman and don’t feel at least a momentary pang of jealously over her body, you’re undoubtedly one of the depressingly excessive percentage who desperately need to adopt a reasonable exercise regimen (most of whom don’t get any regular exercise, and the remainder think walking the length of their driveway is enough exercise for a day).

    • vandinz

      90% of American women would eat her.

  16. achilles wrath

    and tomorrow we’ll hear all about how she can’t stop farting when she’s drunk!

  17. Kate Middleton Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s Pippa, not Kate

  18. Turd Ferguson

    She’s got some nice Oreo Susan B Anthony nips.

  19. grobpilot

    I think Egotastic is being cyber-nuked by someone. I can’t get site to open, dammit!

  20. Ben

    They’re real and they’re not spectacular.

  21. Kate Middleton Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    poor guy looks just like his grandpa from behind.

  22. Kate Middleton Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Yep. That’s Pippa. You can tell by her nose.

  23. The pics are grainy as fuck, but beggars can’t be choosers. The tits look good to me.

  24. I like what Kate’s working with, especially the pleasantly-surprising dark nipples and areolae. Makes me wonder who’s been swimming in her gene pool.

  25. Herman Bumfudle

    cool! so, some asshole please explain what’s wrong with being a woman! like man foreskin isn’t filthy pig shit.

  26. Alison

    All of the Royals should stay out of France. In fact, everyone should stay out of France, the whole place smells like cheese!

  27. ash

    she’s very pretty. no need to be embarrassed but I would be sort of skeeved knowing now that EVERYONE who I come in contact with has 99.9% probably seen these photos.

  28. Kate Middleton Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Private assets !!!

    • Emmanuel

      and Jason have been featured on our blog beofre. You may remember them from their darling summer engagement session or their crazy photo booth pictures. When Kate told me that she had picked Melissa Sweet’s

  29. YTBOY

    You must not look at the “Royal Boobs”!!!

  30. Kate Middleton Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    OH KATE!!!!!!

  31. Sliver

    I get the distinctive feeling she did this on purpose…to draw attention away from something…maybe as a favor to her little brother-in-law to get the royal heat taken off him? I have noticed that they seem to get along pretty well. And he has been in the news lately.
    I am suspicious.

    • Becca

      So what if she did? Are you implying that celebrities shouldn’t bathe topless just because a bunch of greedy paparazzi are following them around at all times?

      • Sliver

        Becca, I think you’re injecting too much emotion into your assessment of my assessment. If you try reading it again, this time try not to make it sound as if I am hostile, when it sounds as if you are the hostile one here.

    • Danielle

      Superb!!! Love this track so much, there’s bags of raw energy and Kate’s guest vocal yes, so much more than BVs is spillbending, as indeed it should be for a Seer. A great band, and a much missed front man. Thanks so much for sharing this. xx

  32. Kate Middleton Bikini
    Joe Mahma
    Commented on this photo:

    What’s the difference?

  33. Prince Star-Butt

    Leave Katie aloooooooone!

  34. Kate Middleton Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Her tits are nothing to get excited about.

  35. Kate Middleton Bikini
    Maha Prachand Lund Dhari
    Commented on this photo:

    This what happen when u bring in lower commener class girl into a established high class cultured family , and people promote and make out perverted sexually explicit behvior in such family so damage the dignity of the Royal class

  36. Kate Middleton Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    You would think the Royal Family would be a bit sharper on this picture experience!! I am not on the world’s “most watched peoples list” in any way….but people who are need to know there isn’t any such thing as privacy anywhere anymore!! It is ashame that these photos got out, and I am in no way bashing Kate, but with tech in this world, be vigilant! There are ones that throw themselves into the view of the shutter….and they are shamelss, but being of Welsh decent, and loving the fresh air that this lady brings to the table, I hope this passes quickly for her…..then we will see…anyone can make a mistake once, however if you make the same mistake… have learned nothing!! Good Luck Kate, you are going to be “in view of the Eagles EYE” (they see everything) for a long, long time!!

  37. Kate Middleton Bikini
    Commented on this photo:


  38. Kate Middleton Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    great stomach and thighs… thats it

  39. Kate Middleton Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    AWESOME. this is hilarious :) I unltetnnionaily was up at 3:30am (thank you toddler) and then got sucked into the wedding coverage (which started at 4am here, wedding at 6am) and enjoyed tweeting with friends about all the hoopla. I do love weddings though, so I enjoyed seeing Kate’s dress & how happy she & William looked – although their entrances certainly weren’t this entertaining ;)

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