Behold! The Royal Uterus Has Been Resperminated! God Save The Queen!

“But, dear, what if it’s.. what if it’s a ginger?”
“Then you shall do what your father lacked the stones to do.”
“Kill mother and grandmother with his own two hands?”
“Haha! Heavens no, but that was a good one. Well done. I’m thinking more along the lines of a cliff and a child flying off of it.”
“But how would it fly- Oh, I see what you’re getting out. Quite good. Tea?”
“Tea.”

Because what’s the point of birthing a Royal Baby if he doesn’t have a younger sibling to try and murder him for the crown? Kate Middleton has officially announced her second pregnancy. People report:

“Their Royal Highnesses The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are very pleased to announce that The Duchess of Cambridge is expecting their second child,” said the official announcement Monday morning.
“The Queen and members of both families are delighted with the news.”

However, not all is well in the kingdom, for once again, The Duchess suffers from Hyperemesis gravidarum which, according to my research, is some sort of Harry Potter spell that makes you puke your fucking face off. Medically speaking.

The statement continued: “As with her first pregnancy, The Duchess is suffering from Hyperemesis Gravidarum. Her Royal Highness will no longer accompany The Duke of Cambridge on their planned engagement in Oxford today.
“The Duchess is being treated by doctors at Kensington Palace.”

When reached for comment, famous second born Prince Harry said, “No, no, this is great. Wonderful news. Who wouldn’t want to bring a child into the world knowing full damn well he’ll forever live in his brother’s shadow, whittling away his time with no real purpose or meaning save the occasional laugh at watching his grandmother continue to live forever? Although, you should see how red father’s ears get on her birthdays. It really quite numbs the pain, I do admit.”

Photo: Getty