Kate Middleton’s (Probably) Pregnant

Through thickest cervix, and blackest ovary,
No pregnant womb shall escape my sight.. ary.

Seen here leaving a concert in London last night, Kate Middleton has been the subject of rampant pregnancy rumors, and conveniently carrying her clutch in front of her stomach like they taught her in Princess School has the British papers aflutter demanding a urinary sample post haste! (My sources tell me Rupert Murdoch is inside her uretha as we speak.) Of course, unlike a certain cabal of whoresassins who’ll shill a pregnancy five seconds after missing their period if it suits their whore-purposes, Kate not only has to make sure she makes the proper announcement after the first trimester, but should she miscarry, by law the queen can force her to wrestle her strongest chambermaid. From there, it’s off to the horse stables where Kate must successfully birth a centaur or be forever trapped in the Teapot of Unrequited Dreams, for such are the rules of Parliament.

Photos: Pacific Coast News, Splash News